leaving 12year old at home alone while we're at work?

[mofro]

Im FT at work and DH is self employed workung long hours. Eldesh DH is in Y7, settled well at new school. Hes' s dropped to school by us in the morning, and has a bus pass for coming home, has a house key and is at home alone from about 4.30pm until we get home for6.30/7pm.
He knows house rules,;is v sensible and is either doing homework, tv or playstation.- doesnt answer door or phone unless its us.
Have 2 other DC who go to family member after school which i pay for.
Had a lecture from my Dsis about abandoing him, how its wrong, what if house burnt down etc....and its kinds stuck in my head!!

Been a SAHM for years, doing crappy atrempts at self employment so i waa there for kuds and now finally gave a great FT job..but feeling guilty....

Was told by another family member she wdnt pop round this half term as i needed to spend time with my own kids as they never see me :-0

Very happy and confident kuds...but they alao moan a lot to me and obviously others about me and DH working so much, i.e. full time

Sounds ok safety wise but won't he be bored? Are any friends / family able to pop round at all?

The law is a bit wishy washy on this

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

but at 12 it is a bit of a borderline case. You know your child best but I'm sure my parents didn't know I was setting fire to toilet roll in the toilet at that age.

I'm over protective compared to many on MN but would do this with a sensible child. As long as he knows the safety rules and has a means of getting in touch with you it will be fine.

I text DS regularly if I leave him to go to the supermarket or he's home before me after school. Gives me peace of mind and he knows I'm just at the end of the phone.

What will happen in the holidays?

I think that it is okay but not ideal. Your son is on his own for 2-2.5 hours five days a week which seems quite a lot and must make him feel quite lonely. Could you and your DH take it in turns to come home earlier at least a couple of days a week?

Not five evenings a week.

"He has after school activities 2 days and we pik him up then so only 3 days a week"

He's a secondary school child and it's not like he's alone all day just a couple of hours. Complete none issue and you're family are bring weird.

There is no LAW.
The nspcc has guidelines.
Guidelines. That's all.

Mine spend odd bits of time on their own if I'm working extra hours or during school hols etc and I agree, it teaches them independance and responsibility, although IMO 7pm is late.

Can you be in contact with your DS during the day (phone/text)? Mine constantly update me during the day with 'having a shower', getting some lunch, can we watch an 18 film on Sky?(NO!).

Are you able to pop home during your lunch hour, or 'start work later and leave earlier', work from home during the hols? Or possibly take alternate days off as annual leave. Can someone else pop in during the day? Can you find someone in a similar situation and share child care? Do you have neighbours who could be available if there was an emergency?

If your DH is self-employed could your DS go with him and do some work experience, ie labouring, answering the phone etc

That was to pbwer.
Op, please don't fret, all sounds fine.

Of course it's fine. If there's a fire presumably he's got enough common sense to leave the house and call the fire brigade? If he falls down the stairs and breaks his leg presumably he's got enough common sense to crawl to the phone and call you?

This is a 12 year old not a 4 year old fgs.

OP isn't asking about holidays. She is asking about after school.

i had a key to the house from the day i started secondary school at 11 and was alone during the holidays whilst my parents worked. I had chores to complete before my parents arrived home including making dinner and ironing clothes

provided you trust that your son is sensible then i would be telling your sister to mind her own business!

By the time he has done his homework in the week i doubt he even notices you aren't there. As for holidays, as long as you allow him to go out and see his friends or have them over then i really don't see the issue.

How does you DS feel about it?

I doubt your relatives are jealous, I think they are just concerned

It's fine, i did this from the age of 9 and am a happy, healthy person witha great relationship with my mother Do it.

We do this, 5 nights a week. Don't have any choice. DS very happy, we know the neighbours well. I do try and encourage him to do after school activities to fill up some time and he isn't allowed friends round.

I think it would be unusual for a child to never be alone after school, by Y7.

I think it is absolutely fine even if it was five night a week. Your DS probably likes having his own space for a bit

As for your son complaining about you, I hope you realise that he is nearly a teen and would complain whatever you did. It's his job to complain....

Do you have neighbours that he could call on if need be. My kids are older now but they could have happily asked any of the close neighbours for help if they had needed it.

I think it's harder leaving siblings together sometimes as they can squabble. Although my four seemed to have a pact that whatever happened when I was out was never to be reported to me under any circumstances. Although they were happy to try and get me to referee if I was there.

I loved being home alone after school when I was 12.

I don't work ATM but I leave my 13yo home alone quite regularly because she enjoys it.

Oblomov

which is why I provided the link. durrrr

OP isn't asking about holidays. She is asking about after school.

My point being (and as this is AIBU there is no rule about just answering the original point) that if the OP may have to change arrangements for the holidays, could that be extended to term-time.

Yes he probably is sensible enough to get out of the house if there is a fire.

The fire chief will report to the police that no adults are present but a 12 year old is.

Have you ever broke your leg, there is no way you could crawl to a phone three feet away, but if he did and got hold of mum and mum came home the hospital would have lots of questions...

I am just saying leave him alone if you want to be be prepared for questions and accusations IF something goes wrong.

Yes I have broken my leg - and crawled a lot further than 3 feet! Maybe said child should never cross a road either in case he got run over . Look things happen, to kids and to adults. It's no less tragic a 12 year old falling down the stairs and breaking their leg than a 16 year old. And surely no-one's going to say 16 year old shouldn't be in the house by themselves. Actually maybe parents shouldn't be on their own in a house either in case they have an accident...

There would of course be questions if any accident happened, but it's highly unlikely SS would regard this as negligent as long as the child knew what to do and followed a sensible course of action. Unless the dc caused the fire of course!