To HATE the way my friends educate their children?

[Littlefrenchmummy]

I love reading things on mumsnet, especially this section. Today I was confronted with a situation that happens so often in my life and really gets me angry... You ladies are very honest so tell me if Im being a bitch or if you would feel the same.

Today my husband and I caught up with some old friends, like us they have a 4 year old boy. From the minute we met to when we left he trantrumed. He cried for EVERYTHING and not once was disciplined. (By that I dont mean punched in the face btw, I just mean told to behave).
He cried because he could only use his bike and not his scooter (sat on the pavement and screamed for 10 mins while we waited. Eventually parents gave in).
He cried because we crossed the road before him.
He cried because we were talking.
He cried because he couldn't get juice at the restaurant even though his parents were ordering him the juice.
He stood on tables, rode his scooter in the restaurant, shouted constantly.
He wouldn't speak to my son, only watch cartoons on his parents phone, wouldn't share the crayons to draw even though he didn't want to draw.
Kicked his brothers pram while he was sleeping. Etc etc... And all his parents were saying was "OH NO, if you do this again we are going to get cross!"

I just can't bare it. Its so horrible to sit through this, you can't have a conversation, my son isn't having fun, people at the restaurant are staring. I never want to hang out with my friends again. I love them but I hate their child, or more exactly I hate the way they educate him and turn him into complete dick head.

I have so many friends like them... so so many. Some worse, some less, but the result is the same: hanging out with them is painful. People who think you dont need to educate your children, that they have 'difficult' kid who cry a lot. They think its normal that if their child screams their name in the middle of a conversation, 10x times during 1 conversation, they should always stop and say yes darling instead of teaching them not to interrupt and wait while adults are talking.

I know some children are more difficult than others and that disorders exist. One of my son's is difficult and has a terrible character, still he doesn't behave like this. If I let him he would but I dont. I also have friends who have children with disorders, but in the cases Im talking about, its just complete lack of education.

Im loosing so many friends over this. I stop answering calls and make excuses not to hang out with them because I can't tell them how to educate their children. Who can tell a mother in the face that you dont like their child's behaviour? How awkward would that be?

We have made such a cut in our friends and now I am so picky. it sucks !
But why aren't people educating their children to behave?

Am I being unreasonable to feel this way or do other parents feel like this?

I doubt very much that LAQ death stares her DC morning, noon and night but only when really needed.

Thing is LaQueen you're probably right that the odd "Stony Stare" (is that what we are calling it now?) does little harm but if you do it even half as much we you talk about doing it and recommend it on here then in my opinion that's something to worry about and whether you believe it or not, it will be affecting your relationship with your dc.

When I go to Pizza Express or similar, I notice a lot of parents parenting exactly like I do. I must be an average parent.

As I pointed out up thread my DC view " the look " with fondness and affection rather than being scared .
They knew it was in their best interests .

i also think this following through thing can be harder to do if you are eating out in a specially arranged lunch with friends. It can be hard to do what really want to do in front of others, and just marching home is harder to do if you are leaving your friends behind on their own.

But, no I wouldn't have let my young children run rampage in a restaurant - we used to go to outdoor restaurants in parks etc to let them mosey and run around when they were little.

And it is a newish thing eating out the way we do now - it wasn't done when I was little and people kept their kids in line usually with a slap or spanking.

I agree with a lot of things laqueen is saying here, but my mum never had the death stare (although sadly I have it in droves )

Why is that funny Jimmy

Come LAQ try it

I think we can all agree that there is the odd bratty child that is intolerable to be around. My issues on this thread are the comments such as "many/most parents don't care or put the effort in". I've been judged harshly because of my children, but they're lovely with their aunties.. I have a nephew who is immaculately behaved with me (unlike my own kids!) but as soon as his Mum arrives turns into a whiny, demanding little shouter, giving her a massively hard time. She's a great Mum but some kids just behave differently for their parents and there's so many different dynamics at play within families and parenting. I think it's mean spirited and unpleasantly judgmental not to consider those issues and just write bratty behaviour off as crap parenting as has been done repeatedly on this thread.

That's my last word on it .

TheFairyCaravan - yes, you only see a snapshot, if you see a child who you don't know, misbehaving in a restaurant. And you can't judge whether that child is always badly behaved. But, IMO, you can judge whether the parents are making some effort to stop their child behaving badly or not.

I think you can usually tell the parents who are making an effort from those who are doing nothing to stop their child's bad behaviour.

I'm not just talking about the OP though, loads of posts on this thread have an example of bad parenting by that posters friends. It always happens on these sort of threads.

So do only Mnetters know how to parent?

You are getting needlessly aggravated by people swapping stories. Some of us have met and spent time with ineffective parents whose kids run riot. I'm not sure why that equates to them holding the attitude that only MN knows how to parent.

Yes, I've met lame arsed parents whose kids weren't nice to be around. No, they didn't have special needs. Yes, it was their parents' fault they were like that. No, I can't be arsed with it. No, I won't waste my free time repeatedly having a shit, stressful time just for the sake of being tolerant. I'm not a people pleaser.

When you can't hold a conversation or have a meal without constant disruption which is indulged, and you have to watch your own child having a miserable afternoon being treated like crap, just because your mate is a useless disciplinarian, and it's like that every time you are together, it's just not bloody worth it. You end up going home utterly drained.

Despite having a set of ovaries, I am not actually programmed to get any satisfaction from an encounter like that.
I'm not smug...I'm just not all that self sacrificial. And nor do I have to be.

Maybe she's designing Death Stare Barbie.
Sort of like the Eagle Eyes Action Man that my friend had in the 70s - anyone remember those?

Really ?
Scootering around a restaurant is fuck all to do with dynamics and everything to do with non existent parenting .
No one has judged you on this thread.
Guess what the thread is not about you

That was for Nikki

LaQueen

You are doing a pretty good impression of a smug MN parent there, Pictish.