To not make DS say, "Please may I..."

[LandOfCakes]

We say, "Can I..... please". I know this isn't the biggest thing in the world but I notice I'm in the minority on this amongst the mums I am friends with. Am I setting up DS to be a social outcast? Does it matter where in the country you are? I do appreciate there is a difference in meaning but that's just what I have always said.

I live in the North West and my dc say may I . It is the correct and polite way to ask for something.

YANBU it's very personal. I don't make my DC ask to leave the table at home. I think that's ridiculously formal...but somehow they know when it's ok...they'd never just leave whilst others are eating or in the middle of a conversation...I hate "Please may I" I like "Would you mind if I?" or "Is it ok if I?"

I was never taught to say that, although we were taught very good manners. I wouldn't teach my DC's to say it either, I feel it would sound a bit contrived as we are not very posh! Can I ... please sounds fine to me.

I'm sure you can but that does not mean you may.

Six no. It's A polite way to ask for something. There are OTHER polite ways so no way is "correct".

I suppose that 'may I' is correct he's asking for something or if you will allow him to do something. 'Can I' is asking if he is capable of it, which isn't the same!

So I'd say it isn't the end of the world but it might be worth encouraging him to use the right language from the start, which will help him in the long run x

I think it might actually be I may but I'm not sure I can. It feels unnatural to me.

There is OTHER "right" language though Night

How old is he? Tbh as long as mine say please and thank you, I'm happy. The finer points can come as they get older.

teach him to say "May I"
Trust me, having smart arses reply "I don't know, CAN you?" gets old very very fast.

Yes, you are sooooooo funny and clever and no, I never ever heard that before, it's original to you.

Some people just really need a kipper round the chops.

I really wish my dad was on mumsnet to read that. He's the worst bloody offender

I'm a pedantic "old school" teacher!! I have been known to respond to "Can I go to the toilet?" with "I don't know if you can, but you may"!!!

Dad? Is that you?

My DDs say "Please can I..."
(well DD2 who is 18 months says "Please can I bubbles?/Please can I apple? etc!)

People with good manners don't point out mistakes. Good manners are all about making others feel comfortable.

Hmmm. Where we live is the first place I've encountered that vile. It's only happened once when DH asked someone if in a pub if he could have a free chair. I thought it was pretty rude to be honest!

We live in the south of England but I'm from Scotland. I'm a bit torn as I don't see it as important but don't want DS to be seen as having bad manners. I think we're on the slack side as it is! He is only 4 though so getting him to ask nicely in any way is sometimes a challenge. I think as well he is taught it at nursery so sometimes he tries to use "may" but gets out wrong..... Guess I may have to brush us my manners as well

YANBU. I know 'may I?' is better, but your way is perfectly ok and polite.

Why are people insisting this is the ONLY way to request something!??

There's nothing wrong with 'can I please' in my opinion. There is also nothing wrong with 'may I please'. I think the important part is the 'please'.

When I was a nanny I tried to teach the youngest to say "may".

She began saying "please may can I have?" which was so sweet we encouraged her in it. She is now 12 and swaps between may and can.

As long as hes not saying pass the juice bitch, I think yourr fine

"WANT IT WEWSH CAKE" - ds

We always use 'May' where it's appropriate - as we use 'infer from' and not 'inferred' as a substitute for 'implied'. Language is important to us.

I hate "Please may I" I like "Would you mind if I?" or "Is it ok if I?"

Depends on context, I wouldn't expect a child to say to a teacher "Would you mind if I went to the toilet?", I would expect them to say "Please may (or even can) I go to the toilet?"

.........Depends on context.........

Of course.

When I was little and said " can I ...." My dad used to say " don't know, can you?" And I still don't know what that all means .