To not make DS say, "Please may I..."

[LandOfCakes]

We say, "Can I..... please". I know this isn't the biggest thing in the world but I notice I'm in the minority on this amongst the mums I am friends with. Am I setting up DS to be a social outcast? Does it matter where in the country you are? I do appreciate there is a difference in meaning but that's just what I have always said.

Of course I say please and thank you.

I'm talking about the pedantry of the 'can I' over the 'may I?'

As long as he never says "can I get" all will be well.

You're also talking about parents who make their kids to right thank you notes.

I think "please" should come first, to be polite, but I think "please can I have" is fine - we also live in Scotland

We always use 'May' where it's appropriate - as we use 'infer from' and not 'inferred' as a substitute for 'implied'. Language is important to us.

Seriously? If language is that important to you, you may want to research the correct use of infer and imply before you go around boasting about it.

I use language Sollers - I don't research it. There are too many calls on my tme as it is.

As a linguist I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the pedantry of it all. Language evolves. There's a reason you don't say "prithee" anymore. Or maybe you do. Do you make distinction between "thou" and "you" to indicate plurality, or later, formality? Because if you don't, you're using the language wrong!!!1!!!1

And yes, I started a sentence with "because". Because it's how people actually use language.

Well, we all use language. Most of us just don't bother boasting about it. But you carry on being proud of being grammatically incorrect if that makes you feel good about yourself.

......Well, we all use language.......

That's true. And I must now go tend to the cat.

justmyview I think you are right that the please should come first - I think we generally do say that. I think I'm back to sitting on the fence about it - I don't mind which he uses as long as it's polite.

I did suspect it wasn't used in Scotland as my stepmum was pedantic about language and never "gave me into trouble" for saying can - that phrase drove her up the wall though. I saw someone use it on here The other day and it made me smile.

Nancy66, of course children should have manners and write thank you notes, everyone should! It's not a Victorian obsession, just day-to-day politeness, which children need to be taught. Why not exactly?

if my kids said "may in" where we live they'd get laughed at and donein

you can say thank you at the time. You don't need to follow it up with a note.

We do thank you cards by the way but sometimes so late as to probably be rude! I've now decided I will acknowledge presents in the post by text or phone call just in case we forget but try to do both.

May I sounds phoney most of the time. It is very rude to correct people's grammar, and nothing at all rude about saying "can I".

I appreciate people correcting my grammar, I learn to use better grammar in future.
Mostly all the children at DD's school use 'may I' and as part of the new school curriculum written and spoken grammar and spelling are going to be more important so it is important to me to try and help her speak correctly.

We are trying to encourage DD to say "please may I" however at 2.5 we are happy with a please in the sentence.

We usually get "please I have an apple/get down/watch beebies please mummy"

I think 2 pleased trumps "may"

We do repeat the sentence with the word may when we remember though.

I don't send thank you cards. We have just once ever received a thank you note from a child, and we usually do class parties anyway, so I just don't think it's common in our area. Why send a note, if you've already said thank you for inviting me, and given them a present too or whatever?

It's perfectly obvious that your child is asking for something whether they say may I or can I. Please and thank you are all that matters.
Being pointlessly pedantic is rude.

As long as he never says "can I get" all will be well.

There is nothing wrong with that phrase. I assume you mean that it should never be used when someone is asking for something and that they should say "can I have" instead.

The definition of "get" is "to come to have or hold (something); receive". So "can I get" is as correct as "can I have." "Get" does not have some sort of built-in reflexive as many posters on MN seem to think.

The etiquette that I was taught and that I follow is that if you are given a gift in person, you say thank-you face to face, and no written note later is required. But it seems that some parents make their children write thank you notes in this situation.

If you receive a gift in the post, you need to thank the giver; a handwritten note is nice, but email and text messages are increasingly used and fine in many situations.

When I was growing up (and even now I'm 25) if I say 'can I...' to my dad the response would always be 'Kanhai was a west Indian cricketer'. It drove me mad but now I find myself saying it to my younger brother.

Why do some people think thank you notes are necessary but would not send a handwritten note about anything else, we have email and telephone/text these days.

'May I' is very pompous sounding and I live in the south east with an RP accent. As long as they say please that's all that matters.

But the 'permission' use of can is not in fact incorrect in standard English. The only difference between the two verbs is that one is deemed more polite than the other! So for a child to ask their teacher "please can I go to the toilet" is in fact perfectly acceptable, so it's the teacher saying "I don't know if you can, but you may" that needs an English lesson!