To not make DS say, "Please may I..."

[LandOfCakes]

We say, "Can I..... please". I know this isn't the biggest thing in the world but I notice I'm in the minority on this amongst the mums I am friends with. Am I setting up DS to be a social outcast? Does it matter where in the country you are? I do appreciate there is a difference in meaning but that's just what I have always said.

I agree with ApocalypseThen so much on this:

"It's hard to believe that some people approve of petty, aggressive pedantry towards small children. You know well what they mean by can I, what's the point in mocking them? Asserting authority in the most useless way possible? Proving that you know better than a four year old?"

It's horrible, horrible behaviour from a teacher, correcting entirely correct English used by Alfred Lord Tennyson while he was the Poet Laureate. It's fair enough to not like the phrasing, because it doesn't match your own personal grammar. That does not mean you should impose that viewpoint on any one else, particularly something that is not wrong.

That is not how you share the love of language or learning with a child.

I have a question for those of you who insist on "may." Do you use "mayn't"?

I agree with Apcalypse and fredfred. Pompous, officious, self satisfied pedants are a thousand times more wrong than a child saying "can I", which is perfectly fine English usage.

I've never heard of mayn't - it sounds odd but my autocorrect knew it.

I use may I but I don't sound pompous and I'm not a pedant. I don't mind what people use as long as they are polite. As with many things it's how you say it as much as what you say.

As long as you don't self-righteously tell other people's well-meaning kids to say "may" of course you should say whatever you like.

I had a teacher use the "I don't know can you?" In response to something I had asked, It made me feel embarassed in front if the whole class and also confused as to if I'd been permission to do what I'd requested. I genuinely didn't know until reading this the meaning of "can you?" I thought something was wrong with me. I'd never been taught any other way and wish the teacher had told me why what I'd said was wrong and the correct way to say it, as I actually wet myself at school rather than ask for the toilet again as I thought I couldn't use the toilet.

The " gave me into trouble" phrase made me smile too, my friend uses "give him wrong" when talking about disciplining her ds and I've heard him say "don't give me wrong mam" when he's done something he shouldn't have, it sounds cute.

Just asked dh "may I use the laptop?" he looked at me funny.

As far as I'm concerned 'may I' sounds really weird. I'd never say it and neither does anyone else I know. (Since you asked, I'm scottish, we live in the north east now and DH is from the south east: I never hear 'may I' from anyone).

I read a baking blog sometimes and the woman who writes it suggests substitutions by saying 'you may use white chocolate chips instead of milk chocolate' etc. It sounds utterly ridiculous and I'm pretty sure it's wrong grammatically, since it's about what is possible rather than giving permission.

I never use 'may I...' as an adult and I certainly wouldn't expect my 4 yr old to use it either. It sounds ridiculous and very outdated.

DS says 'Please can I...' Or 'I would like to....please', either is fine in my house.

As long as he never says "can I get" all will be well.

I'm in the Scottish Highlands and that's the norm. It's "can I get a loaf please" in the local shop.

'Can I get' is standard here too. It's what I always say, and so does everyone else.

Are you in the US Calamitously?

I'll be delighted when we get "can I?". I'm trying to move DD (2.2) away from "I need...".

This takes me back to when I was a child.If we ever said 'can I...?' my grandmother would always reply 'You may, I don't know if you can'

No I'm in North East England. Im scottish, and 'can I get' was totally normal too. DH (who's from the SE) says 'can I get' too.

The important thing for politeness is the 'please'.

As an adult I would never say to one of my friends 'Please may I borrow a pen' I would say 'Can I borrow a pen please'. So my DCs will prob do the same.

I expect my children to be polite in how they speak to people and that is far more important to me than if they say 'can' in place of 'may'. It's all to do with local language isn't it.

I agree with Apcalypse and fredfred. Pompous, officious, self satisfied pedants are a thousand times more wrong than a child saying "can I", which is perfectly fine English usage.

I completely agree with this too.

it's okay, OP. In Yorks & humberside we don't speak correctly anyway, we go t' shop, we go t'work, we don't even have a table to be excused from! we've never done that. Can ah ave some money to go t'shop please mam?

none of that may I crap. we were brought up polite and no matter where I am, I will not put a voice on to make me sound "proper" because I'm not and I think it's dumb! each to their own I suppose.

Haven't RTFT but 'can' has long been acceptable to ask for permission, fairly sure it's in the dictionary for that purpose now. Language evolves over time, as it should IMO (although I still get annoyed at literally being used to mean figuratively but that's another thread!)

I'm a Scot and I've always said "please may I..." But then ,y father is English but the rest of my family say May I too.
I don't think its so much a regional thing, more of what your family taught you as a child.

apparently literally originally meant something closer to figuratively anyway, so it's simply going full circle.