To not make DS say, "Please may I..."

[LandOfCakes]

We say, "Can I..... please". I know this isn't the biggest thing in the world but I notice I'm in the minority on this amongst the mums I am friends with. Am I setting up DS to be a social outcast? Does it matter where in the country you are? I do appreciate there is a difference in meaning but that's just what I have always said.

I remember being taught 'please may I' as a child myself, but I never hear it today.

I won't have my kids act so subservient. In my eyes it's can I please? Not may i.

God I hate 'please may I' as it's forced and not the way most kids actually speak. Can I please or Please can I is just fine by me.

'Use it or lose it' is my thought with regard to language. (Although I rather draw the line before the pluperfect subjunctive.)

I would never say toilet!!!! I would say can I borrow your loo!!! or actually can I pop to your loo? (May I pop to the loo sounds odd - or rather even odder - seems odd now I've written it down)
But I would say May I go to the toilet? (if I said toilet)
Raised in Northwest, lived in SE for years, now in Scotland...and think it is regional...

So all of you going on about "can" only meaning that something is possible, I take it you always tell your children things like "you may not go out now, you need to do your homework". Do you really never ever tell them they can't do something unless they are actually physically unable to?

"May I" sounds stuffy, formal and outdated to me. "Can I" means "Am I able to" which could include whether it is permitted by law or house rule. It's correct to say "You can't drive on the right side of the road" (because you'd get squashed, or caught by a policeman)

I'm an English teacher so ner

I say may I? English is not my first language, I learnt it as a teen, and because of that, I have some more formal phrases, like May I, and some very informal phrases from my friends. Everyone I know, apart from me of course, in England says 'can I', we're in Essex fwiw.

DS is 2 and he says "may I" and "please may I leave the table"

Though he's also picked up this hideous "mummy I want YA" from somewhere

I'm Scottish OP and terribly 'naice'.

I would never, ever say 'may'.

I might say 'could' rather than 'can' but never 'may'.

I'm really surprised by this thread.

I didn't realise it was old fashioned or no longer done to teach may I instead of can I.

I correct children all the time at school. And most of them know exactly why what they said was wrong without it being explained.

Maybe there are hordes of angry parents seething away at me somewhere!

cannot imagine ever saying 'may i'.. never hear it in Ireland.

I say 'may' and my kids say 'may' but I don't think it matters at all as long as they are polite

fredfredgeorgejnr is right. As we are becoming more informal generally, the "may/can" distinction is fast disappearing; it will be gone entirely in another generation.

It's one of those things that is a pedantry too far, like refusing to split infinitives or thinking that it's wrong to begin a sentence with a coordinating conjunction.

My kids say "please may you... (get me a drink, help me....etc).

It is unbelievably cute.

manic - as said above it depends where you are. If you're in Scotland it won't be angry parents just really confused children who don't know why they're being told to use a phrase that 90% or more of adults around them never use.

It's hard to believe that some people approve of petty, aggressive pedantry towards small children. You know well what they mean by can I, what's the point in mocking them? Asserting authority in the most useless way possible? Proving that you know better than a four year old?

ApocalypseThen I conplety agree. Especially teachers doing it in front of the whole class if a child says "please can I go to the toilet" how ridiculous to embarrass a child like that just for being polite. Especially when it's actually a correct way of asking for something!

Now that post made me wimce, Apocalypse. I don't mock children. And I do know language better than a four year old - it's my joy to introduce them to it.

I hate this Victorian obsession with children and manners.

'may I?' who says that? Nobody.

I guess it's the same parents who make their kids write endless thank you notes!

I don't mock children. And I do know language better than a four year old - it's my joy to introduce them to it.

I think saying things like "I don't know, can you" is actually mocking. It might have the side effect of making them not want to make that (non) error again, but only to avoid being made fun of, which isn't a good learning experience.

What you say is probably not the point - it's knowing that there's a difference.

Your kids don't send thankyous?

Nancy do you say please and thank you?

My kids are young adults now and they have always been very polite, as am I and my DH. It's actually in the kids own interests to be polite. I always got complimented on them when they were little and they were always popular with teachers and other parents. Basically, people are nicer to them because they are polite.

I do it myself with their friends, if I give a lift to their friends and they ignore me and don't say thank you I don't exactly rush to give them a lift in future - whereas I go out of my way to help people who appear grateful for my help.

I find it unusual that you don't think politeness matters.

But that's not what I would say, Apocalypse. I think you bring your own experiences to this?

What on earth is wrong with thank you notes? It's polite to say thank you for a present.