IAB a tad U but friend's choice of term to describe childbirth is getting on my tits

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She refers to vaginal birth as "X doing it themselves". As in "did she do it herself?" Always going on about how she "did it herself" when had her DD.

I had a section, she knows I was on ADs for a good year after the birth due to PND which was partly caused by massive guilt over the fact I didn't have a natural birth.

It pisses me off no end. I should really say something to her instead of moaning about it on the internet. Or, is this a normal term????? No one else I know particularly cares as long as new baby and mother are healthy! Seems like half the staff in our school are pregnant/have had babies recently so lots of opportunity for it to get on my wick.

So, AIBU to be annoyed? And what do I say? Or should I get over it?

Never heard this term. How weird.
Surely it's not the birth so much as the next 20 years (plus!) that count!

Yanbu. It's fucking stupid.

Who cares if someone had a vag birth or a section? That's not going to mean shit over the next 18 years+ of parenting, is it?

God that would pee me off too. But by the time I'd thought of decent come back the moment would have gone (racks brains).

If that's what she wants to call her experience then let her!

It might just be a family/local euphemism and she hasn't realised it isn't completely standard.

My mum tells the tale of saying in front of her new DH's family "it's black over Bill's mother's" as what she thought was a harmless reference to bad weather coming. Cue horrified stony faces - her DH is Bill and his mum was not long dead.

Your example is such a common phrase anyway that I'm struggling to use Google to figure out whether it might be a regional expression.

And you have my sympathies. Me too.

I agree with lady luck, its none of your business really.

Weird.

I feel like it's a boast or a PA dig though? Not sure if that's all in my head though

Good point about it meaning bugger all in long term

I don't think it is a hugely offensive term to use but then I don't have any negative feelings about birth, I absolutely think that a c-section is the harder option but in a way giving birth vaginally is the woman doing it herself all be it with the support of a midwife.

The other option would be to say "give birth vaginally" which although correct might be a little graphic for some people. The phrase to give birth naturally I imagine ignights negative feelings as it implys a cesarean is unnatural.

I think that people who haven't had a difficult time coming to terms with the birth they had are quite unaware that language used to talk about birth can be upsetting to others.

I think you've hit it on the head Stripy. It was so fucking horrendous that I don't really like to think about it too much.

I think I am being over-sensitive and should just block her out when she goes on.

Does she only have one kid?? What happens if with the next one she has to have an emcs or something? Would forceps still count as 'doing it herself'?? Would be so cringe to watch her eat her words :-s

Most bizarre!

Yep just one. That's true... awkward!

It is an irritating expression I think. I've never heard it before and YANBU for being annoyed given you are around this person every day. It would annoy me too. Whether I mention it to her would depend on how good a friend she is. If she is just an acquaintance I would secretly be annoyed and moan on the internet. In a way I sometimes think in these situations a bigger person would just realise that the 'offender' is not in the right but that people disagree on all sorts of things and will maybe never agree even if you make them try. That said, it is a very weird and judgemental expression and it would annoy me and very insensitive thing to say to you knowing your birth experience.

Pffft. DIY? No thanks, I "outsourced" much more "now" don't 'cha think?

(Disclaimer: I would never utter those words in RL)

not heard that. is it a mix up of 'feeding the baby yourself' aka breastfeeding? its less weird than that phrase anyway

She's probably too prudish to say vagina.

Does she count a forceps birth as 'doing it yourself'?

Yanbu at all it's tactless and stupid. On par with 'do you feed baby yourself'?

Can you do a fake shocked face and say 'it's possible for someone else to do it for you? I wish I'd known'

I think I've used that term when I can't bring myself to say "vagina" (pathetic I know). I've had 2xelcs so it's not meant to be derogatory. I prefer it to "natural" which seems to have an implicit value.

Similarly I might say "are you feeding her yourself" about breast feeding because I can't face saying "breast" in public.

YANBU. As someone who had an emergency cesarean at 31 weeks, I would find it quite upsetting. But I would have said something when she first said it. I've no idea what though! I just wouldn't be able to hear someone refer to it that way, as if it was somehow better. But that could be my own negative feelings seeing it that way.

She would have had a midwife or a doctor or someone helping her along! So it's not all DIY

Seriously next time she says it just give her a look and say 'why the fuck do you use that stupid phrase, no one else does. Unless you are alone on desert island no one actually 'does it themselves' do they? Now stop being such a prick as people are taking the piss out of you on the net'

That should go it.

BTW the "natural" birth lobby wind me right up, especially when I hear stories like yours. Why should anyone feel guilty for having a CS when on balance it is marginally safer for the child? And necessary to save life in some instances.

I do think the term "doing it herself" is reasonably neutral though.

I've been there too, my mum (shes only 45 so its not an age thing) has asked if people managed to "do it properly or did they need a section" which implies that you've done it wrongly if you've had a section.

Grinds on me quite a lot because I had an EMCS with DS and a partly ELCS with DD, neither of which had anything yo do with me doing something wrong despite the years of guilt and upset about it.

In spite of that though it seems to be a relatively normal question to ask so I can only assume I'm a bit over sensitive on the matter so just tend to ignore it and change the subject.

What a hideous expression. I don't think YABU or over-sensitive at all! It's as though she's saying all those who 'did it themselves' should get a prize and all those 'who didn't' are lazy fuckers, the equivalent of those terrible people who didn't bake that cake 'themselves' but got in a nasty shop-bought one.
Yak yak yakety yak. The woman sounds like a prize idiot.

I had a drug free natural birth.
It was fucking agony.

Your "friend" sounds like she's the plastic thingy short of a six pack.