IAB a tad U but friend's choice of term to describe childbirth is getting on my tits

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She refers to vaginal birth as "X doing it themselves". As in "did she do it herself?" Always going on about how she "did it herself" when had her DD.

I had a section, she knows I was on ADs for a good year after the birth due to PND which was partly caused by massive guilt over the fact I didn't have a natural birth.

It pisses me off no end. I should really say something to her instead of moaning about it on the internet. Or, is this a normal term????? No one else I know particularly cares as long as new baby and mother are healthy! Seems like half the staff in our school are pregnant/have had babies recently so lots of opportunity for it to get on my wick.

So, AIBU to be annoyed? And what do I say? Or should I get over it?

It's like you copped out if you had a c section?! Not like us martyrs what did it 'ourselves'.

If you had a fairly uncomplicated experience would you feel just as pissed off? Just as she is focusing on her experience, you are focusing on yours. She's probably not doing it to hurt you.

She probably did it with the help of some sperm. Does she need a biology lesson?

Why does it matter to her ffs?

I've had 2 sections - first was an emergency and the whole experience was traumatic so I decided to go for an elective with my second child.

A lady at the playgroup asked me about it and said,'Oh were you too posh to push then?' Me: silence - Yes - silence. And that was the end of that. Bloody hell, as long as you're alive and the baby is alive then who the bloody hell cares?

I'm sick of women competing with other women on shit like breastfeeding, cloth nappies, natural birth, free birth etc. Just do what you want and leave other people alone to do what works for them.

Perhaps say "well I offered to do my own c section but they said it'd put the surgeon out of business!"

What the fuck is an unnatural birth then?

What a load of bollicks.

'Doing it yourself' sounds like you are alone, no midwives, doctors, DPs or mum.

Your mate is weird as fuck.

Love all the ideas and comebacks! Wish I had the guts to say something super sarcastic or a variation of The body's response.

I wish I'd posted on here ages ago in fact. Lesson learnt - ask MN sooner for help with all quandries!

No idea LadyLuck.

She sounds an insenstitive pain. Say in a bored voice can we talk about something else please. I'd have hated a C-section and can't think why people think it's an easy option. So don't pay any attention to her.

I had two horrific vaginalbirths D's 1 was born with the cord wrapped around his neck three times and was blue and not breathing thankfully fine after oxygen ds2 was face up and needed a ventouse both boys were induced I don't rate ' doing it yourself to be honest' as long as the baby is healthy that's all that matters!

I have heard the outdated expression "do you feed the baby yourself" ie are you breastfeeding but never heard doing it yourself over birth.

I should say to her "yes I did do it myself, it sure as hell wasn't anyone else lying on the operating table having their stomach cut open!"

I hope you don't feel bad about your CS. You grew a baby, that baby was born - all great!

I had a crash section with number 2 and this would undoubtedly get my back up. Not much doesnt tho tbh when it comes to birth oneupmanship. She might mean it innocently and just be a bit simple, but it's no excuse.

Yanbu. Make an awed face and say 'Did it yourself? Scooped out a hole in the ground and just squatted? Awesome!' Then roll your eyes.

She sounds like the twat who told me my induction was 'cheating' because I'd had pain relief and not her all singing, all dancing 24 hour agony fest (described in loving, minute detail).

I enquired whether she'd received a medal for doing it properly. She admitted she had not. She also had to concede that despite my inferior performance, we did both appear to have babies and mine was miles better looking.

Don't think it was ever mentioned again.

Is she northern/scottish? Where I am it's quite a common term 'did she manage to do it herself' although when you think about it does seem pretty hideous!

Never thought about it too much but have heard it often and never in an intentionally derogatory way I don't think

I'm with you OP. I would feel very sensitive over this though doubt whether your friend means to hurt you. Sometimes all of us say things that we don't realise exactly how it comes across and how it might be interpreted. It is an odd expression where I am from though maybe not where you are from? I totally believe it really does not matter a jot how our babies are born. We are blessed to be able to have c-sections and other kinds of births and hopefully result in a healthy baby in many cases. I teach Hypnobirthing which teaches mums to be techniques to help them remain calm and relaxed in labour and birth. There is also a lot of luck over which type of birth you have. I had two straightforward, vaginal births but my mum had an emergency c-section with me in which I was in SCBU for days so I honestly, wholeheartedly celebrate the fact that we can have c-sections and vaginal births. Othewise many of us would not be here. Much love and ENJOY your little one. xx

I have only heard that expression once, from an older lady - she was talking about breast feeding and it was tempting to look puzzled and say that DD had had bottles given by the butler, or something.

I've given birth twice, once was an horrendous assisted deliver the second was an amazing waterbirth, oddly it's my second experience seems to offend some people.

Being proud of giving birth naturally (I.e the way nature intended) is not a slight on those who had sections or assisted deliveries, it really isn't. I don't see why I should be silenced about a positive experience I had because yours was negative. It creates a whole narrative around childbirth which only 'allows' those who had negative experiences to speak and in turn this creates a narrative of fear, which can contribute to negative experiences.

Oh and I agree with others it's used as a euphemism so people don't have to say vagina or breast in public.

It IS hideous. A couple of people said that to me after my first section - 24 years ago. They are not friends now! Knowing what I do now, I'd suggest, if a birth is really straightforward, then it's got very little to do with the mother as the baby is the one doing it all his/herself.

OP has she ever said anything negative about c sections or people who have had c sections?

I didn't conceive DS "myself" - ivf
I didn't give birth "myself" - section
I suppose I did feed him "myself" although used Avent and cow and gate!
He's fabulous, much loved and I really enjoy being his mummy. I'm pretty good at it too!
Your friend uses strange terminology, is she trying to have some kind of passive agressive go at you or is she just a bit thick?

God it's a parent eat parent world these days isn't it? If you don't have a completely natural, drug free birth and start knitting your own umbilical chord into a bracelet minutes later, you're a failure it sometimes seems! Sure, I'm a believer in interfering with nature as little as possible, but sometimes it isn't possible, at least not safely. The physical and psychological health of the mother and the child in the long term have to take precedence. Sure, women have had babies without drugs, surgery etc for millennia. They also died a lot, as did babies. Do birth nazis imagine that women of the past wouldn't have chosen pain relief, safe Caesarian if there were problems etc? Of course they would have! Op, you did what was right for you and your child, and you both came through healthy. You have nothing to feel guilty about and everything to be proud of. Sorry for the rant but it just really makes me angry.

Bingo!!!!!!! I knew someone would mention Nazis