IAB a tad U but friend's choice of term to describe childbirth is getting on my tits

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She refers to vaginal birth as "X doing it themselves". As in "did she do it herself?" Always going on about how she "did it herself" when had her DD.

I had a section, she knows I was on ADs for a good year after the birth due to PND which was partly caused by massive guilt over the fact I didn't have a natural birth.

It pisses me off no end. I should really say something to her instead of moaning about it on the internet. Or, is this a normal term????? No one else I know particularly cares as long as new baby and mother are healthy! Seems like half the staff in our school are pregnant/have had babies recently so lots of opportunity for it to get on my wick.

So, AIBU to be annoyed? And what do I say? Or should I get over it?

A very interesting thread....I'm incredibly proud of my total medical intervention of an elcs....Perfect choice for myself....I don't understand the guilt trip some mums feel over their births....

But then I am a little odd

YANBU

It's a stupid way of putting it. Like "are you feeding baby yourself" when referring specifically to breastfeeding.

Sorry you had a bad time with PND. It sounds as though your friend isn't quite bright enough to see that it might upset you. Blocking her out when she starts going on might be the best way forward.

I have never used or heard the phrase and find nothing wrong with it.

Ignore her. Its not as if childbirth is the result of great intelligence or skills. Women do it every second without half the amount of fuss and medal showing battle scar bleating that you hear from some. Childbirth has been made into this be all and end all.

I think it would be best to pretend you don't understand the phrase. And therefore force her to explain it. And think about it.

Maybe she's referring to people who did it entirely by themselves-ie happened to be out walking in a remote location,were stranded in their house etc and literally went it alone and performed all the other necessary medical jobs such as cutting the cord by themselves,stitching herself up if necessary.If not I don't understand what would possess someone to call it this.
Particularly insensitive if she knows your history!

What Piffling said

If that's the case then I totally get her....

But I suspect not.

It's not something I would get worked up about. I would assume that she is using the phrase "doing it themselves" is to avoid saying "vagina" just as some people say "feeding yourself" to avoid saying breast.

Lol when child gets to 5 no one is ever going to ask how it was born.

Doodle would you say that women who have a section also play an important role in birth though? Of course it's reasonable for you to be proud but while it's marvellous you kept your labour on track to me that is 'only' as equally marvellous as those women who keep going (and or give consent or make other decisions or simply get through) more medicalised labours.

The attitude of fear is a shame though. I say all this as someone who had an emcs, then an elective (for baby's health) and was scared both times and feel irrationally guilty about it (despite choosing the second experience). Bit messed up really.

Why can't a woman be proud of having given birth to her child? If she had been in labour 6 hours would you let her be just a little bit proud?

I personally don't think it's anything to be proud of.

I would find a irritating. I have a friend that insists on telling everyone how even though she had to have the drip she still refused an epidural and even managed to give birth with no tears/grazes, much to the midwives surprise because nobody manages it apparently! She says all of this knowing that I had an epidural and a rather large baby that left me needing stitches. It grates on me every time but its not a competition, the important thing is that our babies arrived safely so I just ignore it.

hopefulhamster yes of they they play an important role, it's not like it could even happen if they didn't turn up.

I maintain that it is every women's right to feel proud of carrying and bringing her children into the world whatever the details. Those who think that other women don't deserve to feel proud of this are being oddly judgemental in my view.

prettylittlemitty that sounds like hard work no wonder she's pleased with herself, and well done you for not bothering with all that hassle and going for the epidural, tears are shit though, hope it's healed.

Her telling everyone about the midwife's praise probably is a bit annoying, but considering how horrible and judgemental people are about women in pregnancy, when they give birth and with newborns she's probably just enjoying having had had some positive feedback.

That should say possibly rather than probably, I don't know enough about her to say what's probable about her behaviour.