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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know i ABTU about wedding presents

104 replies

Elisebanana5 · 23/10/2014 14:44

...but be honest, were any of you a liiittle bit disappointed with yours?

For friends' weddings we always give 100 and a nice card. I will always suppliment this with a nice box of chocolates/wine or something.

Got married a month ago and several friends didnt even bother to bring a card.

OP posts:
outofcontrol2014 · 23/10/2014 14:46

YANBU about the lack of gifts - it is really rude to turn up to your wedding and not bring a present. Seriously! What were they thinking?

YABU to correlate care with the size of the gift, though. I don't think it's about the money - it's about the thought. That said, if someone is completely loaded and brings a box of drawing pins, I am a bit Hmm

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 23/10/2014 14:47

Good on you for being well off enough to give £100.

Hmm

I gave my best friend in the world a cruet set. Way to make me feel shite! Grin

BettyFocker · 23/10/2014 14:50

When we attended DP's best friend's wedding we put £40 in a card. Two weeks previously we had to spend £180 renting out DP's best man suit and DS' pageboy suit. £40 was all we could afford. We had to borrow money from my parents to buy drinks at the wedding. YABU.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 14:51

I think YABU.

It costs a fortune to attend a wedding in the first place. I generally didn't invite people who I thought it wasn't worth the expense of inviting, or the expense to them for coming.

The people who didn't give much but came - No gift could've meant more than them actually being there for me on my special day. I understood the cost in their travel/outfits etc to get there. But then, I knew them well enough to be fully aware of their financial situation I suppose.

TiggerLillies · 23/10/2014 14:52

Not sure any of ours were worth more than £20 and certainly not all brought one but we had a cheap wedding and all the people we wanted were there. The way I saw it is that not everyone can afford gifts (I'm one of the last to get married - they have families) and I'd have been so sad if they didn't come because they couldn't afford the gift!

WipsGlitter · 23/10/2014 14:52

I would bring a present before a card. I'm crap at getting / writing / sending cards.

Numanoid · 23/10/2014 14:55

YABU. Fair enough if you can afford to give £100 as a gift for every wedding you go to, but many people couldn't.
DP and I aren't expecting gifts, and to be honest something (of any or no monetary value) with thought put into it is a lot nicer rather than just being given money in a card.

gamerchick · 23/10/2014 15:00

I asked for no gifts and most people complied. There were 3 or 4 who gave vouchers though which was a pain as I didn't open the cards so didn't know who to thank.

I don't take gifts to weddings either, they cost enough to attend but I do hunt out the perfect card for the couple.

However in your shoes OP if I spent a fair wedge on stuff like that and they can't be arsed to even get a card I would feel a bit took for granted and pull back a bit on putting my hand in my pocket.

HerRoyalNotness · 23/10/2014 15:04

I don't think OP is complaining about lack of presents, could be wrong, but if someone can't even be arse to spend 3 quid on a card and write congratulations, well that's fairly shit.

SanitaryOwl · 23/10/2014 15:06

YABVVVU. You don't measure love in pennies.

Roomsdoom · 23/10/2014 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

19lottie82 · 23/10/2014 15:16

I don't think YABU. I got married recently and everyone brought something (well apart from my DH's 22 year old nephew, but he is just useless full stop!). A couple of people only gave £10 in a card, but that was still really appreciated, it's the thought that counts.

I think it's the principal really. If someone has invited you to their big day and splashed out on your (and often a +1) meal and a couple of drinks, then it's polite to make a gesture. I would never turn up empty handed if someone invited me to their wedding. It's just rude. And to make it clear, I'm not "grabby", I would be equally appreciative of £100 cash or some home made sweets or similar, in fact prob even more of the latter.

Tinkerball · 23/10/2014 15:17

I'm more shocked that you give £100 as a present really. If that's a representation of how you think no wonder you aw disappointed! I went to a friends wedding the day after we came back from holiday and couldn't afford any present, never mind £100. I took a card. I later messaged her and she was lovely, saying she would rather have had our presence than presents, it had been her perfect day!

HesterShaw · 23/10/2014 15:18

Good luck OP! People will wade in and tell you how "grabby" you are and how you should have been utterly delighted with their presence rather than their presents etc.

They were rude not to bring you at least a card, and personally I wouldn't dream of turning up at a wedding without a little something, either a present or a cheque. Stingy is the word.

But that's just me.

AskYourselfWhy · 23/10/2014 15:18

People are making assumptions about the OP - she hasn't said that she would feel dissapointed with a particular value of present. There is nothing to indicate in her OP that she would be dissapointed in a cruet set or with £40 and a card.

I was a bit Hmm that my BIL and his wife didn't get us anything at all for our wedding. We literally paid for everything (transport, hotel and all food and drink) and they didn't even manage to get us a card. We paid for their honeymoon Shock. I wouldn't have minded something very inexpensive but to get nothing was a bit 'dissapointing'. I know it's disapproved off to 'expect' a present but I admit I was a bit surprised.

19lottie82 · 23/10/2014 15:19

Troublesometrucker - The only way it costs a fortune to attend a wedding, is if the wedding is a fair bit away and you decide to stay the night in a hotel, because you decide to drink so can't drive home. (Obv there are some variations to this, but this is the usual state of affairs IMO)

Corestrategy · 23/10/2014 15:19

Perhaps you should have done what my friend has just done and directly asked for money and provided bank details for the cash transfer.

Tinkerball · 23/10/2014 15:20

Well thanks Lottie, according to you I'm rude then Hmm

Tinkerball · 23/10/2014 15:21

So you think I'm stingy then obviously Hester?

AskYourselfWhy · 23/10/2014 15:21

Sorry, to clarify, I was annoyed that my BIL and wife didn't even buy us a card.

HesterShaw · 23/10/2014 15:22

Corestrategy that was rather bitchy.

People on these threads seem to go out of their way to prove how well bred and non grabby they are by trying to be as sarcastic as possible.

HesterShaw · 23/10/2014 15:22

No, Tinkerbell I don't think you're stingy because I didn't realise this thread is apparently all about you. My mistake.

HesterShaw · 23/10/2014 15:23

Sorry, TinkerBALL not bell.

19lottie82 · 23/10/2014 15:27

Tinkerball - If the couple paid for (and your OH's?) meal and a few glasses of fizz / wine, then it's my opinion that, yes, it's a bit rude to show up empty handed. You could have thought outside the box and got something really thoughtful for under a fiver. Sorry.

Troublesometrucker · 23/10/2014 15:28

I disagree that is the only way it costs a fortune. My mates wedding was round the corner.

Still needed new outfits, transport to the reception from the church (as no direct bus route and we don't drive) alone cost 15.00 I wouldn't normally have budgeted for that week and then the fare home later...

depends what you call a fortune really. With small kids - an unexpected 30 quid alone in a week, is a fortune to me.