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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to this gift for the baby

114 replies

MrsDutchie · 22/10/2014 19:04

DH and I are expecting first baby in December. My parents are very religious Christians. So far they bought a Noah's Ark book for the baby (I know, it will be a long time before baby can read it) and a large Noah's Ark clock for the nursery.

Thing is, this bothers me. I know it's a lovely gift and gesture but DH and I are not religious, and don't plan on bringing baby up to any particular religion. My parents know this yet they still push with religious gifts and I am 100% certain this is only the beginning. They usually give religious gifts as baby presents to other non-Christians as a way to tell them about Jesus.

I've been quite firm with DM that it makes me uncomfortable that it's religious but she pushes it quite hard. How do I broach this & AIBU for being so bothered by it? After all, I could just get it out when they visit.

OP posts:
Discopanda · 22/10/2014 19:08

YANBU, religion shouldn't be pushed on to other people BUT luckily as it's Noah's ark your baby will just like seeing all the animals, you can kind of avoid the avoid the religious part, if that makes sense?

Aherdofmims · 22/10/2014 19:09

I would accept these gifts but say you want to decorate nursery yourselves and skin for no more pressies "til you know what you need" (then you can ask for stuf you need at a future date!)

Original poster
MrsDutchie · 22/10/2014 19:10

The thing is, I think that's exactly their plan: baby sees nice animals and learns about God through the back door. I know them too well Hmm

OP posts:
Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 22/10/2014 19:14

YABU. It's a boat and some animals. Not formula made with holy water.

YANBU though about the whole issue. But as some religious GPs can be quite......difficult, I'd pick your battles :)

BettyFocker · 22/10/2014 19:16

YANBU.

I have the sort of relationship with my parents where I can be honest about how I feel about something, so I would have no qualms about telling them I didn't want any religious toys for the baby because he/she will not be following any religion. You have to nip this in the bud now before they start pressuring you to baptise the baby, giving even more religion-based gifts. I've read enough MN to know this does happen!

Discopanda · 22/10/2014 19:17

If they turn up with a 5 foot crucifix and wooden plaques of the stations of the cross for decorating the nursery with, it might be time to have words...

buffythemuffinslayer · 22/10/2014 19:17

I think that as a new born it doesn't matter so much. My gran sent a lovely noah's ark picture when DS was born. He'll be 4 soon and still thinks it's the animal boat.

The longer term influence is what you may have to watch - making sure they don't pressure DC. But on the other hand if religion is a part of their lives then should DC be sheltered from that, like it's a dirty secret? A question for further down the line I suppose, but the occasional reference to God doesn't seem like the end of the world. There's a pun somewhere in that last sentence.

TidyDancer · 22/10/2014 19:19

I think the present is fine, but yanbu to be concerned about the bigger picture. I don't think there's anything wrong with the GPs sharing their faith with your DCs, but if it crosses the line into a forceful pushing of it on them, well that's when you need to take action.

I think you should play this by ear. Maybe reiterate that you'd prefer non-religious gifts but I don't think there's much wrong with a Noah's ark.

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 22/10/2014 19:19

I can see your point, but there really isn't much difference between imagery of the story of Noah and his ark and Winnie the Pooh.
If this is just the foot in the door to future missionary work, I'd nip it in the bud and return the presents, though.

Tommy · 22/10/2014 19:20

to be fair, most Noah's Ark books and toys don't mention God at all.... they might see it as a compromise from their part.
When the baby comes along, you are in charge of the toys they play with, books they have etc. If your parents give them things you don't want them to have you can either just say thank you and then hide/throw them away or explain (again) why you don't want them. I have thrown away many toy guns bought by my MIL.
If your parents are going to be part of your child's life, then you will have to expect to be themselves and if that is religious then that is how they will be.
Children soon get the idea that some people go to church, some don't just as in some people go swimming and some don't. Don't make it into a big deal and nor will your children

Penfold007 · 22/10/2014 19:21

If it really bothers you and DP that much then just give the items back. Start as you mean to go on.

MexicanSpringtime · 22/10/2014 19:21

But on the other hand if religion is a part of their lives then should DC be sheltered from that, like it's a dirty secret?

My opinion exactly. Not that you should go along with baptisms and such like, just you were brought up by them and it didn't make you religious.

I found a good grounding in religion saved me from falling into the hands of all kinds of murky religious groups when I was a young adult.

NormHonal · 22/10/2014 19:22

We are also raising our DCs as non-religious in spite of grandparents' beliefs and wishes.

Honestly, I would let a Noah's Ark slide. I bought my Dc1 a toy Noah's ark. I let the grandparents buy a child's bible. We treat them as "nice stories from the past". Which is all they are, really.

FWIW I was raised in a non-religious environment, spent hours reading the bible given to me by my dear dear grandmother, and still turned out as a non-believer.

Purpleroxy · 22/10/2014 19:23

I'd keep it all and eBay it as a job lot Grin. You won't stop them buying but you'll mitigate the effects from your end.

bigbluestars · 22/10/2014 19:23

THe tale of Noah and his ark is a horrible tale of global genocide turned into a jolly tale for children.
If they insist I would either take it back to the shop, sell it or stuff it in the attic.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 22/10/2014 19:23

A noahs ark is just a standard childs toy tbh. Animal themes are pretty popular for young children. I am an ardent atheist but all mine have had noahs arks to play with, they love the animals and the boats, great play value usually. I would save yourself for the big battles!

ConferencePear · 22/10/2014 19:24

YABU Like it or not this story forms part of our cultural heritage; I doubt very much if most of those who know it take it too seriously.

Fairenuff · 22/10/2014 19:24

Accept the gifts and take them to your local charity shop. If they ask just tell them the truth - you don't want religious based gifts and if they keep giving them, you will keep giving them away.

You can't control their actions but you can control yours.

Discopanda · 22/10/2014 19:24

I agree with buffythemuffinslayer too, we aren't bring DD up in a particular religion but I was raised Catholic so I take her to church Easter and Christmas to show her what I was brought up with, I'm not pushing her into going to communion and we haven't had her baptised because DH is an atheist.

bananaleaf · 22/10/2014 19:25

I just bought one for dd without even thinking about the religious aspect until I read this thread! I am not religious. As wizard said it is a boat and some animals.
It depends on the narrative that accompanies the gifts IMO. I'd keep and eye on that.

ohmychrist · 22/10/2014 19:27

Why don't you just say "No more religious gifts, please. We're atheists."?

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 22/10/2014 19:29

YANBU and YABU.

YABU because its a boat and some animals. If he grows up and asks what it's all about, then you can tell him about the bible on your terms. You get the chance to tell him that, as far as science can say, it's a lot of old stories written down by people as a code for living, and a way of understanding the world (or whatever you want to say).

YANBU because your mother should know better. You have made it perfectly plain that you don't want religious gifts, and to give them to you anyway shows a lack of respect for your wishes. She sounds like she'll be the kind of GM that feeds the kids all the sweets in the world when you have expressly asked her not to Wink

I can't remember who first said it, but this might make it clearer for her:
'Religion is like a penis; it's fine to have one, but it's not okay to shove it down everyone's throats'.

Original poster
MrsDutchie · 22/10/2014 19:31

I have tried to communicate to them that we don't appreciate it.

It's part of a wider issue with my parents and religion. At our wedding last month, Dad did get really religious in his speech and it's part of an ongoing struggle with them e.g. when I moved in with hubbie before we got married, when I got pregnant before getting married etc etc.

This is why I get quite paranoid and upset about it because I feel I've said so so so many times in the past that this bothers me and they still do it. So it's another tip on another iceberg. I keep imagining properly standing up to them but I bottle it.

OP posts:
LemonDrizzleTwunt · 22/10/2014 19:35

Make DH do it!

queenofthepirates · 22/10/2014 19:35

Lawks it's only a bit of a belief. Baby will be growing up in a multicultural society and a bit of religion is not going to hurt, whatever flavour it comes in. I think you need to relax a bit and bear in mind that Noah's Ark have historical and archaeological significance, not only religious.