AIBU to say no to this gift for the baby

[MrsDutchie]

DH and I are expecting first baby in December. My parents are very religious Christians. So far they bought a Noah's Ark book for the baby (I know, it will be a long time before baby can read it) and a large Noah's Ark clock for the nursery.

Thing is, this bothers me. I know it's a lovely gift and gesture but DH and I are not religious, and don't plan on bringing baby up to any particular religion. My parents know this yet they still push with religious gifts and I am 100% certain this is only the beginning. They usually give religious gifts as baby presents to other non-Christians as a way to tell them about Jesus.

I've been quite firm with DM that it makes me uncomfortable that it's religious but she pushes it quite hard. How do I broach this & AIBU for being so bothered by it? After all, I could just get it out when they visit.

Someone bought my 1yr old a Noahs Ark toy for christmas. We called it his Darwins boat! The grey haired bearded man is Darwin and he is studying all the different animals for a science project :)

Arguably the ark is just a known image that's around in Western culture like angels and leprechauns and Christmas trees, you don't have to be a practicing Christian to recognise it in pictures/ toys. There's also cross referenced flood myths from multiple religions and civilisations, with the general theory being that their probably was a large bastard flood at some point in ancient history and someone took their family and animals on a boat. (probably a few goats etc rather than two of every species in the known world except, as Eddie Izzard puts it, the floating things and the swimming things who are fine due to a loophole), and Christianity just happened to appropriate it and dress it up for Roman Catholic purposes.

So you can always enjoy gently causing havoc by talking brightly to your baby in front of your parents about archaeology and other pseudo historical myths like the Loch Ness Monster and pretend total ignorance of any religious overtones at all. And if they protest, you then have the opener for the conversation you actually want to have.

I'm an atheist, brought up by religious parents and I understand where the OP is coming from.
My children's father was also atheist, brought up in an atheist family. All our friends and extended families were also atheist. So it was only really my parents (well my Mum, because my Dad died years ago) who were religious.
This is how I handled it OP. My home is a religious free zone. There are no religious books or artefacts or talk about 'God' in my home. I asked my Mum to respect this, and she did. My children were free to learn about religion at school, and we respect other peoples right to their beliefs (though not always the actual beliefs themselves). If my Mum had accidently bought my children a religious theme gift I'd probably just have put it away or donated it to charity. She never did though, because she always asked first before she bought anything. Which is exactly what I do with my grandson.

There was a Noah's Ark toy at DC's secular playgroup. DS liked it so much, we got one for home. Despite numerous play sessions, we never talked about the story of Noah. DS liked it because it was a boat and animals.

You probably need to have a chat with your DM and DDad about what you think is acceptable for your DC. They might be pushing an agenda. They might feel they have a religious duty to push their agenda. Or they might be buying toys in the context of what appeals to them (and as religious people, then religious toys appeal to them).

I think you have to think carefully about what you want them to do. They are religious. If you're asking them to think about what they say, what they do and what they buy when they are with you then I think that's quite difficult for them to sustain. It's probably easier to just make the point every time by refusing to accept the gifts or by asking them to keep the gifts at their home. People can feel very hurt when gifts are rejected but if this principle is important to you then you have to accept they'll feel hurt. Or you take the pragmatic approach and bag up everything they give you.

YABU wrt the book - we have various bible stories and books on different belief systems on our bookshelves that are available for the DC's to look at - they've come in handy over the years for homework!
Exposing a child to religion does not indoctrinate them, a story can't indoctrinate them - it opens up conversations and questions that you as parents can answer as you see fit.
My DC's have a beautiful ark shape sorter that has been passed through all 3 of them. They know the story well. DS is an Atheist like his Dad, DD1 is becoming more interested in Paganism and DD2 is still a toddler and more interested in the colours
I'm Pagan although raised as CofE.
Keep an eye on your parents and their choice of gifts by all means but don't automatically dismiss things because of the religious overtones - use it to your advantage.

How can you have a statue of God, in you are any form of Christian? Hindu's can - but not any of the faiths of "the book".

Noahs ark is pretty harmless, if it doesn't go into graphical detail. You could always collect together the other middle eastern/Mediterranean flood myths to share. Oh and Attenborough talked once about how the Mediterranean has dried up and re-flooded several time through "history".

But I would explicitly make your position on religion clear. And that is as a Christian myself.

This article has some good examples of flood myths from other cultures:
www.religioustolerance.org/noah_com.htm

Take a sharpie, write on the side "HMS Beagle"

have you read the Voyage of the Beagle? It kind of shifts the emphasis away from religion and onto bigoted racist....unpleasantness towards people from different cultures. I would avoid the religion myself but I'm not sure this is any better!

I was always vaguely horrified about the fate of the other animals, back when I was a child who believed such things... "why did god drown all the puppies? and cats? and cows? they weren't wicked!"

then when I got older I realised that all those dead people and animals owuld have made everything STINK and polluted the water so the inhabitants of the ark were stuffed anyway. and the sea would merge with the freshwater so all the fish etc in fresh water would die from too much salt in the water, and all the sea creatures would die because of a lack of salinity. and I imagine there would be violencewith people trying to get on to the ark, and noah's other friends and family pleading and begging, mothers holding up their babies (who after all hadn't done anything wrong)...

it's a horrendous story. YANBU for not even wanting to tell your children it in a "this is an interesting myth" kind of way... maybe explain it to your parents using the details that always bothered me as a reason it's not suitable for small children? it might get through to them if they grew up thinking "it's a nice story of how god saved everything" as most people in a christian context would.

How can you have a statue of God, in you are any form of Christian? Hindu's can - but not any of the faiths of "the book".

Whether you personally think they should or not mummytime, have you ever been inside a catholic church???

They have statues but not of God. Jesus yes, Mary yes, Saints yes, but God?

Yea... I was taught (raised pentecostal) that Jesus is God.

my pentecostal upbringing taught me that catholic statues are a form of idolatry!

(these days I find them interesting)

manJesus us God, but was incarnate (took the form) of a man. Which is how Catholic Christianity gets around the no idols bit. Of course most images of Jesus are a bit mad, as he's rarely portrayed as a middle eastern jew. But then I liked some Indian hanging I saw once which had Mary in a Sarai and obviously Indian.

Churches often have images of fire or doves, to represent the Holy Spirit, but no-one would say they were God.