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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to this gift for the baby

114 replies

MrsDutchie · 22/10/2014 19:04

DH and I are expecting first baby in December. My parents are very religious Christians. So far they bought a Noah's Ark book for the baby (I know, it will be a long time before baby can read it) and a large Noah's Ark clock for the nursery.

Thing is, this bothers me. I know it's a lovely gift and gesture but DH and I are not religious, and don't plan on bringing baby up to any particular religion. My parents know this yet they still push with religious gifts and I am 100% certain this is only the beginning. They usually give religious gifts as baby presents to other non-Christians as a way to tell them about Jesus.

I've been quite firm with DM that it makes me uncomfortable that it's religious but she pushes it quite hard. How do I broach this & AIBU for being so bothered by it? After all, I could just get it out when they visit.

OP posts:

NerfHerder · 22/10/2014 19:39

arf@ "no more religious gifts please" from a poster named "ohmyChrist"!

I understand the annoyance, as they're going against your wishes. However, it's a very useful teaching tool, as you can have discussions about religion from an early age, and introduce your child/ren to many viewpoints.

NerfHerder · 22/10/2014 19:42

You must also remember that Bible stories are very much a part of British cultural heritage too. I am completely against organised religions across the spectrum, however, I have read/told my children bible stories, stories from Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, etc as part of teaching them about the wider world. Many parts of British and European history cannot be removed from religion, and bible stories are woven throughout our literature.

BuckskinnedAstronaut · 22/10/2014 19:42

You can accept it but that doesn't mean you have to put it up if it doesn't go with the rest of the room. MIL gave DD1 a clock (with no religious overtones) at one point and we don't have that up.

Personally I can never see why Noah's Ark is felt to be a good story for children. Almost everyone on the Earth is drowned at once by God, on purpose -- men, women, children, animals... babies clinging to their mothers. If you read them a secular story or showed them a secular video about that then people would be outraged.

(My views may be coloured by the fact that the book of Bible stories I had as a child didn't soft-pedal the details just because there was a lovely rainbow at the end. Full-page illustration of the people with no Ark ticket, mid-flood, and I can still picture it now. In most children's versions they just delicately disappear in the background while the story is focusing on the Ark.

HaroldLloyd · 22/10/2014 19:45

A Noah's ark is a pretty standard toy though so it's tricky.

Is there any chance that they are trying to respect your wishes and getting something that they find ok and not overly religious to you?

Or is it likely they are going to ramp it up and start giving the baby mini saints and holy water shortly.

If you are going to make a stand, I would wait until it's something proper holy myself. I have been bought three Noah's arks for DC all from infidels.

VirtualPointyHat · 22/10/2014 19:45

DH has a suggestion:

Take a sharpie, write on the side "HMS Beagle"

Voila one evolution play set

Aeroflotgirl · 22/10/2014 19:45

Well that's fine, I know Mothercare do Noah ark type baby things so it is generic. My in laws are devout Catholic, they bought dd when she was born a massive picture of Jesus for the nursery, it wasent even a nice looking one. Count yourself lucky!

greenfolder · 22/10/2014 19:46

if you are not going to change them (and you are no) I reckon you need to stop reacting to it tbh. mmm thats nice is the only comment and pop the gift on the side.

as child gets older, an explanation that some people think x and so do nanny and grandad.

thatstoast · 22/10/2014 19:49

I think you need to relax a bit and bear in mind that Noah's Ark have historical and archaeological significance, not only religious.

Really? I don't think that's true. Could you point me towards something that would explain the non-religious significance?

I'm a bit torn on the whole issue. It's a boat with some animals but if it's part of a continuing battle for dominance between you and your parents then maybe this is an area you could put your foot down.

Did you feel pressure from them to get married? They seem quite overbearing based on your posts.

janesaysl · 22/10/2014 19:53

Would you feel this way if your child was learning about other religious stories at school?
I think this is more about your relationship with your inlaws. I understand,it's hard, if they're like mine they just don't listen and always think they know best some battles aren't worth fighting though

ACheesePuff · 22/10/2014 19:54

Why bother getting worked up about it? Kids learn the story of Noah's ark anyway at nursery or school so no point trying to protect him from it. Your parents brought you up and their religious beliefs haven't rubbed off on you, you've still made your own choices no doubt your baby will too.

attheendoftheday · 22/10/2014 19:54

My entirely non-religious 3 year old loves the story of Noah's Ark. She reenacts it in the bath with a large yellow fish in the role of God.

You can both accept the gift and not put up the clock or read them the book until their old enough to understand that different people have different beliefs, which may or may not be true.

MaidOfStars · 22/10/2014 19:55

Take a sharpie, write on the side "HMS Beagle"

Bravo!

Was going to say: The story of Noah's Ark pretty much exposes the OT as a massive pile of bobbins. Use it educationally!

janesaysl · 22/10/2014 19:55

Sorry op, blaming your innocent inlaws

attheendoftheday · 22/10/2014 19:55

Love Virtual's solution!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 22/10/2014 19:57

Religion is like a penis; it's fine to have one, but it's not okay to shove it down everyone's throats

Loved that LemonDrizzle (& I'm am religious!). It's like anything, politics etc.

It's crap to use it to shove down peoples throats.

elfycat · 22/10/2014 19:59

Buckskinned It's a good story because it lets the kids know what God's temper is like.

God made stuff including an apple tree no-one should eat the fruit of but her left it hanging over the fence.conversation the
He threw a temper tantrum.
Then more temper tantrums.
And more, some killing lots of people who didn't like him. Or follow his rules, or listen to him closely enough.
Then Two thousand years ago he was awful to his son and set him up and got him killed.

But now we want you to thing of him as a kind, loving and forgiving father who has obviously benefited from anger management counselling and will never again have a tantrum.

Which reminds me to go to church on Sunday. Can't have my children missing out on the opportunity to learn about hypocrisy. DH (non-religious but possibly atheist) is coming around to church attendance. The sermons are so enlightening (the one on how it's OK to hate Jews a few weeks back, when Israel was out of favour, was very interesting and sparked much conversation. Only possibly not the bigot man thought we were going to have)

IMO having a Noah's Ark is not a bad thing in itself. But it seems you will have to make sure that set of grandparents have very little to do with any religious education given. You have to be the barrier between them and any brainwashing so you pick the line in the sand. If it's this gift so be it. At least you didn't get the creepy wooden clown doll which I would offer to swap but it ended up being burned on a chimnea.

PercyHorse · 22/10/2014 20:00

I'd get a copy of this framed

wuff.me.uk/monologues/P10.html

elfycat · 22/10/2014 20:01

He and ThinK etc. DD2 was sitting on me and I was typing around her. Must not MN and cuddle.

vdbfamily · 22/10/2014 20:05

If you want your child to be free to choose what they believe when they are older then surely it is good for them that they have parents who don't believe and grandparents who do.This gives them a balance in their life and helps them understand that people believe different things and can still love each other.You cannot make your parents something they are not.I assume when you have meals there they probably give thanks for the food and if your children were in future to spend a weekend with them to give you a break,they would take them to church. You may actually appreciate that in future. I have friends who send their kids to sunday school with mine so they can get jobs done on a sunday morning!!

lozster · 22/10/2014 20:07

'Who built the ark? No One! No one!' Or so I used to sing with great gusto aged five at my CofE primary school. It was a genuine error rather than infant subversion but oh how right I was!

WookieCookiee · 22/10/2014 20:07

There was a massive flood 1000s of years ago which devastated an area that's probably pretty small by today's standards but which would have been the whole known world for the area involved - hence the story of Noah's Ark. It is a myth to explain the flood. NormHonal I think we had the same book. OT god is pretty terrifying but compare him to the Inca or Aztec gods and he's a pussycat.
I am an atheist and IMO the OT is a collection of stories, or myths, that explained an unknown world.

Our Ark was used to explain this - we also went to the Horniman which has a truly terrifying collection of stuffed animals and displays on evolution.
Love the HMS Beagle suggestion!

Micksy · 22/10/2014 20:08

As an atheist, I rather like Noah's ark. It's got a boat, it's got pairs of animals and a catchy song I can't remember the words to. My little uns love "the animals went in two by two, the elephants stopped to have a poo and they all went into the ark for to get out of the rain." I cannot see it really working in making them religious, only in encouraging them to find rude words that rhyme with numbers.

Littlegreyauditor · 22/10/2014 20:13

Could be worse OP, my parents were given a three foot statue of God as a wedding present from grandmother (who is the military wing of the Catholic Church).

They can't throw it out, because of all the ingrained catholic guilt...blasphemy, sin, the bad fire, eternal damnation... so he lives in the electric box (outs self). Similar was tried when I had DS by some of DHs relatives. The gifts were put in the attic and I will conveniently 'forget' them when we move.

It is fecking insulting, actually, to have your clearly stated wishes and beliefs so roundly ignored, but there is no telling some people. Instead I choose to buy various new age gifts in return (Tibetan hand bells got the most outraged response), along with copies of On the Origin of Species, A Brief History of Time etc, because I can do passive aggressive too.

HaroldLloyd · 22/10/2014 20:13

The animals went in two by two, hurrah HURRAAAAHHH

twizzleship · 22/10/2014 20:15

you could always just pass their 'presents' on to the charity shops? If your parents ask - tell them straight that they were too religious for your liking and because they refuse to stop buying them, giving them away to charity was the best option. then they might just start listening to you

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