AIBU in wanting to hear what "adult-isms" your very young toddlers have come up with in the language department?

[travelswithtea]

So, I am watching DC attempt putting together consonants and vowels (it is not going well, alas) and was reminded of good friends' twin grandchildren who only recently turned two, and when their grandparents were visiting the other day they heard the following exchange between the girls:

Twin 1: I demand that you allow me my individual time to play with that (points to toy)
Twin 2: You are not in a position to demand anything, young lady.
Twin 1: Oh, you are so infuriating! When will this madness end! (stomps off)

They come from a highly literate family with the parents having never spoken to them in non-adult language, and apparently they come up with these sorts of gems all the time. They were using full sentences etc etc etc really early on, basically from the moment they started talking. :) But I should also think that it is not really that unusual, and lots of kids just happen to have great verbal skills from the get go.

So now I'm interested to hear what adult-isms your very young toddlers have come up with when using "proper" language? (I remember there was a philosophies of children thread on here some time ago, but I'm more interested in actual language use; I'm just wondering what I could look forward to (with any luck, as it ain't looking good right now) with this DC and sentence/vocab construction!)

'Oooh - I needed that' is awesome.

On holiday we were staying on a farm and they had a 9ish yo DS, who had a friend round for a sleepover one day. Thereafter my DD (2) would sidle up to me and casually say 'Have you seen the boys?' or 'Where are the boys?'.... it was just they way she said 'the boys' - like they were things she was superior to - that cracked me up.

My DS (4) occasionally says things like 'DD name! You have been very naughty! Two minutes!'

The other day I suggested he cope with the bridge between not seeing me at pickup and doing an after school activity, by forming a club with the others in his class that do it and perhaps playing chase. 'Or golf!' he piped up.

He's funniest though when he joins with me in cracking up at a funny thing said by DD, like this evening she said: 'This is my dog, and I'm going to call it..."cat".'

Just remembered another. Got back from our hols where 2 year old had fallen a little bit in love with a ten year old girl and they'd played out in a group even in brolly weather.

His first words in the morning one day to his dad were "do you remember Sabrina in the rain? She was all wet and beautiful". Lock up yer daughters!

My almost 3yr old DS
"Ok Mummy, when we get to Nanas, you have a cup of tea and I play on the Ipad yeah? Deal? Lets shake on it"

Not a toddler as he is nearly 5 but he is in 2-3 others so sort of counts

He shouted my from the lining to say:

'Mum, you're going to have to stop eating rice, you get it everywhere and I'm fed up of cleaning it up!'

He was wiping the coffee table down which had one grain of rice!

He also says 'mum, forget bout your phone and look at me' usually when I'm talking to someone important

3 year old DS was on the toilet when DD (20 months) came in: "DD, I do not need an audience!"

A few minutes later when he wanted his bum wiping: "Mummy, I need an audience now!"

and perhaps playing chase. 'Or golf!' he piped up.

Excellent. I hear golf is quite lucrative these days!

Really enjoying scanning these this morning. Thanks for sharing!
(No progress on this side. )

I was just inside the door of (school) nursery when ds1 was 3, talking to one of the TA's.

Ds1 was sitting on the carpet with most of the other dc. The teacher then shouted out to the stragglers 'Come on please guys, all on the carpet!'. DS1 said 'Oh Miss Jones! Inside voices only in here please, that screech is going right through my head!'

I've said that exact phrase to ds1 before, because he really does have a bell in every tooth and speaks at top volume constantly, so we'd been introducing the concept of an 'inside voice'. So my fault completely...tbf she did look quite amused!

When ds1 was 5 and ds2 was 3 and just started nursery, ds1 also used to stop at the door to ds2s class every day after school and say to ds2's teacher 'How's ds2 gotten on today Miss? Is there anything I should be aware of?'. He's never heard that from us but probably has from other parents, it was very funny though.

DD1 (2.5) warned us this morning as DD2 (13 months) was about to launch herself of the bed.

"Careful baby! That is NOT a good idea. You might hurt yourself."

Upon being congratulated for looking out for her sister:

"Yes, I know. I'm very sensible."

Mind, this is the same girl who yesterday quite seriously announced:

"Mama. I am NOT a teapot. I am DDname."

Now is not your alloted time to speak to me, DS.

ds1 also used to stop at the door to ds2s class every day after school and say to ds2's teacher 'How's ds2 gotten on today Miss? Is there anything I should be aware of?'.

2 people arguing on a bus and DS asked them "would you like to sit in time out?"

Sometimes I think it's easy to 'forget' how young dc are iyswim. Ds2 is now 4 and very articulate for his age and has lots of adult phrases he comes out with, so I tend to think of him as being...a mature 4, iyswim.

Yesterday though, ds1 came running in saying 'Ds2 has coloured all over the banister at the top of the stairs!' so I went to investigate. Ds2 was sitting at the top of the stairs with a red felt pen in hand, looking guilty, and about a square inch of the top spindle of the stairs was coloured in
,
When I asked him if he's done it, he said yes, but it wasn't on purpose. I said 'so it was an accident then?' and he very emphatically said it was. So I said 'OK...explain to me how that happened by accident?' and his reply was 'because I thought you wouldn't know it was me mum'.

He seems so grown up 99% of the time, but every so often comes out with a phrase which reminds me that at 4, they're really still just babies. ^ That made complete logical sense in the mind of a 4 year old, even though he does understand the concept of doing something purposely or by accident.

My sister was talking on a toy phone when she was about two. "Yes, yes that's fine. See you tomorrow, now sod off". She'd obviously overheard my mum and dad having a heated debate over the phone.

My mum likes to tell the story of how I was staying with my grandparents, at 18 months, and my granny came to tuck me in, with a "and here's a nice purple blanket for you". To which I replied, "that's not purple, granny, that's aubergine".

I had a toy aubergine in my play food at the time, and I imagine the blanket was the same colour...

DS (3 next week) has only really in the last 6 months started talking properly but has gone from almost nothing to full blown speech in what seems like an instant. It's hilarious listening to him talk to his toys or when he picks up the house phone and has imaginary conversations. He frequently puts his Thomas trains in time out, telling them, "your been very naughty actually. Your stay there for 10 ninnits!"
Yesterday I picked up the girls from the school bus and DD2 (5) started kicking off almost immediately we got home. I sent her upstairs to her room to wind down for 10 minutes and I overheard DS on the phone talking as though he was having an actual conversation:
"Hello? Yes, my here, my mummy here, DD1 here, my daddy not here, daddy's working. DD2 here but her in bed for 10 ninnits - her been very very naughty. No. No. Yes. No. OK, love you, bye!"

DD1 and DD2 also talk (as someone else has mentioned) like they are two Victorian ladies. It's quite amusing listening to them. DD1 reads a lot of Enid Blyton and frequently comes out with some long-forgotten phrase. I've often heard her tell DS that if he doesn't behave she's going to scold him very much! She's also taken to reading some of my old My Little Pony comics and comes out with some of the odd expressions from those too. Her particular favourites at the moment are "galloping grapes!" and "oh, pony feathers!"

Wonderful thread

a few years ago my DBrother (then 6) was in his taxi home from school when another car had a narrow miss with them.

He proceeded to ask the taxi driver "Was the other driver a knobhead or a bellend Jeff?"

Nice to know that my Dad's patience behind the wheel hasn't improved any, but that at least he's toned the language down a tiny bit!!

(Taxi driver had to pull into the nearest layby to carry on laughing without crashing)

Someone once posted that their 2 year old had said "God sake lady!"

I was given a very pretty white cardigan by a friend for DD2. DD1 (about 4) piped up "Oh dear, I don't think that's very suitable for DD2 with her grubby tendancies"!

My son picked up "ferchrissakes" when he was very young. As in one of his first phrases. He waved to the lady in the bank and when she appeared to ignore him he looked totally exasperated and shouted "ferchrissakes!".

Waiting outside our hotel for the shuttle bus into town, my then 3yo DS stepped forward and proclaimed 'Jesus Christ when's this bus going to appear' I got a glaring look from DH, because of course he wouldn't say anything like that near the kids!
Also, we live around the corner from my MIL and I can tell when she's at the door from the shape through the glass. One particularly fraught morning when I was trying to get everyone dressed and out the house she turned up at the door. I let her in and DS piped up 'mummy, why did you just say Oh God it's bloody her at the door again' I was willing the ground to swallow me up

Hahaha. My nan wasn't a very nice person and was awful to my mum as her daughter in law. Apparently one day I told my nan very proudly that "my mum said you're an old witch!".

on a stressful trip to Ikea Wembley on a Saturday (never again), my daughter, approx 3 had picked up on various exclamations we had made going round the shop. "Get me out of this bloody trolley" was one, followed by "oh dear, mummy's buggered off again" when I went off in the crockery marketplace area.

DS aged 4 when DH had sorted something out for him "I'm very proud of you Daddy" with a solemn look on his face