DH was drunk and aggressive. AIBU in forgiving too quickly?

[PatButchersLostEaring]

We've been together for 8 years and although he regularly drinks far too much at social occasions, he has never acted in this way.

After a wedding we headed back to our hotel, him paralytic, me sober as we had our 16month old with us. Through the night he had slowly got more and more drunk and he could barely stand by this point. As we approached our room he began incoherently ranting at me to find the room repeatedly calling me 'stupid girl, stupid bitch'. As I was holding our, awake baby I kept calm and tried to keep him calm too as we entered the room.

Once in the room he continued ranting and started sort of squaring up to me (as in getting very close to me in an aggressive way, sort of implying he might hurt me). At no point did he actually, physically hurt me.
I was worried for our baby at this point and tried to get to the bathroom with the excuse of changing his nappy. He blocked the entrance and demanded I put our son on the floor and not to go into the bathroom.
At this point I pushed past him and locked the two of us in the bathroom. I felt scared and threatened at this point and planned to spend the night in there.

For 5 minutes he was silent, maybe asleep and when he woke he had forgotten everything and was wondering why we were locked in the bathroom. When I told him what had happened he was in floods of tears, saying he had no recollection of any of this.
The next morning things were back to normal-ish and after some more apologies we just got on with the day.

Should I be acting in a different way. I don't feel threatened by him at all now, just that night.

OP are you reading your own posts? No one should have to be on high alert because the person who is meant to love and support them, has gone out for a few drinks. This is not a good way for you or your baby to be living. I hope things were OK when he came back last night, but even if they were, this is not a good situation!

Tell him unless he stops drinking entirely the marriage is over and he must move out.

ehric has it right. He knows you'll put up and shut up though. Do yourself a favour and ditch him. Threatening behaviour once is too much IMO. As someone raised in an abusive and alcoholic environment I can tell you that it's never just the once and despite all the tears, breakdowns and promises it happens again and again AND it gets worse. Oh and as an adult I can remember everything like my step dad holding my 1 month old sister over the stairwell and calmly telling my mother to catch. Of course he didn't drop her but but what a sick fucker eh? Of course no one remembers that little incident except me and I was only 10 so am obviously misremembering it. (That's my mum doing that minimising thing mentioned earlier. Strange as her and cuntybollocks are divorced now )

It was all fine last night. He didn't drink too much as was in no way aggressive or even irritable.

Non the less I'm calling al anon later.

Not altogether surprising. Clearly he doesn't behave like this every time he drinks, or surely it would long since have stopped being tenable.

Still doesn't negate the fact that you were cowering in the bathroom with your baby, scared of your husband, the last time he did it.

Pre-DC, DH and I had a very active social life that involved lots of boozy nights out. DH comes from a country with a big drinking culture, and every social event is enlivened by a decent amount of alcohol, so I'm not coming at this as someone who thinks half a bottle of wine of an evening is teetering into alcoholism.

But, nope, never been threatened by DH. Never seen him behave aggressively to me or anyone else. And he doesn't drink himself into oblivion, even at weddings and other free-flowing events where he's likely to be right in the thick of it, pushing through to dawn... Because he's not an alcoholic.

And needless to say, everything has been noticeably tempered since having DC, because who needs the hangover and paranoia, assuming (crucially) you take an equal load taking care of the kids the next day?

What you're experiencing may have been normalised to you because of the circles you move in, and because his behaviour is so long-standing and entrenched, it's what you're used to. But it's not normal.

Oh OP, when did your standards get so low pet? You are trying to convince yourself that the fact he doesn't drink or smoke weed during the day in front of your baby is a positive thing, like it is some sort of recommendation or mark of his character. It isn't. It is, or it should be, an unquestionable pre-requisite, so automatically understood that it doesn't bear mentioning.

You deserve better, your baby deserves better. Please lift your gaze a little higher.

Yeah they are right you know. That wedding scenario made you cry? A fantasy? Nah just normality. You deserve more.