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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he? I really don't know anymore!

114 replies

Sausagebean · 21/10/2014 08:13

Okay, so this will out me if any friends read it but I need to know if IABU or not Confused

Rather long, but here goes...
I have an 8 year old car and DH has a very unpractical 2 seater TT (company car). He has his own company & for tax reasons decided that he would get a utility vehicle as a company car. I thought he would then sell the TT to save the company uneccessary costs, but he's tried to persuade me to drive his TT so he could keep it, and he would drive the truck. This would mean selling my perfectly reasonable family sized Toyota.
We have a 7 year old & a 9 month old & he seems to think it's okay for us to constantly be swapping cars so that whoever has the kids has the truck. When I go back to work in January he would drop the kids & I would take the TT but then would have to go to his work to swap cars before I could collect the children after school/crèche.
I agreed to trying the truck out, as things are tight financially for me & with 2 cars in the company it wouldn't cost me anything if I got rid of my car. However, after having tried it, the truck seems totally impractical to me.

  • There's no hard back on it, just a roller blind type cover which means it's not waterproof & because we can't fit anything in the cab (no extra space) everything in the back could get wet, inc dd's buggy.
  • There is nowhere for me to change dd's nappy (at the moment I do it in my boot - so she's covered if it's raining).
  • I can't open the back one handed (when the baby's in my arms) as it's too heavy.
  • After just a few days of driving it my hip started to hurt from climbing up into it.
  • It's massive & parking would be difficult in quite a few places.

I have been majorly stressing about what to do, and felt sick at the thought of selling my car. Anyway, my dad offered me some money to put towards a new car as mine needed work doing to it, but dh got really cross when I suggested I upgrade my car (I thought it would save me money in the long run as a younger car would be cheaper to run) and he suggested that I keep my car after all.
He's not happy - I get the impression he wants the best of both worlds - keeping both the cars he wants & not taking into consideration mine & the kids needs.
I'm out a lot, and drive a huge amount. When I return to work every minute will count and I know it will stress me out having to change cars, lugging bags/baby between them and not even being happy with the car I'm driving. One of my friends thinks DH is being very selfish, but I don't know as I can see the benefit to me financially of doing what he suggests... It would just make life too difficult I think.

Yesterday my car went in for a service, and it cost a fortune. DH is cross with me as he sees it as an unnecessary cost as, as far as he's concerned, I should've sold my car by now. He paid the bill but says I have to pay him back, although where I will get the money from I don't know Confused

Sorry this is so long, thanks for reading it if you've got this far! I could really do with some perspective on this - I've thought & stressed about it so much that I now can't think clearly about it...

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 21/10/2014 08:19

Why the hell did he get a 2 seater with 2 children anyway?
I get that you have a bigger car but what happens if you need to use his car?
As for the truck I know there is a tax advantage to it but if you can't drive it then you can't and it sounds like there are practical reasons why you can't rather than just you just not wanting to. The Audi needs to be swapped for something more practical, just tell your DH his 2 seater days are gone for now ( DH sold his beloved Z3 when we had DD).
Also, paying him back for car repairs??? Will he be paying you back for cooking, cleaning etc?
He's being an selfish arse.

Littlef00t · 21/10/2014 08:20

He is being massively selfish!!

You need a practical car, either your Toyota or another car, but not the truck or tt. Neither of these meet your needs at all.

Could he sell the tt and get a more practical second company car?
Otherwise you should take the offered money and upgrade.

I can't believe he expects you to fanny about changing cars. What happens if you need to do an emergency pick up due to sickness etc? Add an extra x mins to swap cars is unreasonable.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 21/10/2014 08:20

Yanbu. I couldn't drive a car that I was uncomfortable with, dh drives a Diesel estate but I couldn't get on with it so I have a small petrol car, he can't dictate what is practical for me to drive. You should each get to choose your own car imo. Whatever is left over is the one that gets sold.

Littlef00t · 21/10/2014 08:22

Oh yes, forgot to say how crazy it is expecting you to pay back repair costs.

  1. All money should be family money and no owing etc
  2. You've not repaired your car for selfish reasons, you can't use his!
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 21/10/2014 08:23

He sounds pretty selfish and a bit awful. You need to pay him back for repairs to the car that you drive his children round it? Draw up an itemised childcare bill and deduct the cost of the car from it and tell him to pay you the rest, if thats how he wants to play it (am assuming as you're on mat leave you're doing the majority of the housework)

Only1scoop · 21/10/2014 08:24

Sounds impractical and he sounds selfish and immature....

DifferentCountrySameShit · 21/10/2014 08:27

What stood out for me was you saying that things are tight financially for you!!!

He is being very unreasonable and selfish.

You need a long talk about family finances and priorities.

rootypig · 21/10/2014 08:28

He paid the bill but says I have to pay him back

I don't understand this. You are his wife. You have two children. You share a home. I understand that people might choose to keep their finances separate, for various reasons, but not to the point that two people living under the same roof live a different standard of life, or that one partner would inflict hardship on the other.

Anyway YANBU, you both should have practical cars (for DC, or work, an preferably both), for the love of god, IT'S A NO BRAINER (capitals because you said you can't think clearly - that should help Grin). The only way you could keep the TT would be if you were wealthy enough to run a third car.

But the real problem is that you a somehow a second class citizen in your marriage.

gobbynorthernbird · 21/10/2014 08:29

things are tight financially for me
Just you?

VileStatistyx · 21/10/2014 08:30

He's being ridiculous.

He wants to have the truck he needs and show off like a silly kid in his impressive little car Hmm and screw the rest of you, right? He needs a dose of grow the fuck up.

He is massively unreasonable. You need a car that is comfortable for you to drive and safe for the children to be in. I question how safe the truck is for them, tbh. If there's no hard back on it, how are the children's seats fitted for a start?

Also- pay him back for repairs to the family car? pffft.

pictish · 21/10/2014 08:33

He is being selfish. He wants to hang on to his impractical boy toy, and will massively inconvenience you to do so. What the very fuck?

He sounds an overbearing wanker.

rootypig · 21/10/2014 08:35

What the very fuck?

Indeed.

fairgame · 21/10/2014 08:35

He needs to grow up and get rid of the TT. That car is not a family car for all of you to use, it's just for him. He is being selfish and unreasonable. He should be putting his family's needs before his own.

ImperialBlether · 21/10/2014 08:41

There are bigger problems than the car, OP.

Your husband is putting himself first. You and your children come second.

You are broke - he clearly isn't if he can have two cars to himself. There is no way you should 'repay' that money - that's really disgraceful.

Is he normally a selfish arse?

Catsize · 21/10/2014 08:41

He needs to grow up and realise life has changed. What he is suggesting is ridiculous.

Aherdofmims · 21/10/2014 08:49

He is being a selfish knobhead. Of course your should keep a suitable practical car. He should get rid of stupid tt.

Also he sounds financially abusive if you are hard up and not him. Plus you do not have to pay him back - all money is family money unless any division is scrupulously fair and even.

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 21/10/2014 08:50

Agree with Imperial - he is expecting you and the dc to mess around - changing between 2 unsuitable cars - rather than keep your suitable family car. The only person that matters to him is himself - he wants to keep his 2 cars, and you have to save money selling yours.

And why do you have to pay him back for car repairs?? This is a car used for ferrying his children around- and you're on maternity leave? He sounds like a dick.

He is being vvvvvvvvvv unreasonable.

VoyagerII · 21/10/2014 08:51

OP you are a family with two DC. If you need a car to get around (I accept some people don't have a car, but if you do need one) than you need a family car with space for DC and their stuff.

He is suggesting you lose the car YOUR FAMILY NEEDS so that he can have TWO cars one of which is merely a cock display! HIBU!

And on top of that yes, why on earth are things financially tight for you and not him? He's supposed to share his money out as you are a FAMILY.

You need to laugh in his face and point out the cold hard facts - you have kids, you need a family car and to give it up for his vanity needs is totally preposterous, what on earth is he on? Meanwhile sit down and sort the finances so the bills (like paying for repairs to the FAMILY car) are covered and anything spare is split sop you both have spending money.

If he won't do this you have a bigger problem, often called financial abuse on here.

Only1scoop · 21/10/2014 08:54

Tell him to get rid of the poor mans Ferrari and grow up.

minibmw2010 · 21/10/2014 08:55

Tell him to grow up. Next time he says you need to pay a car bill remind him how you are his wife, all bills are family responsibilities and you are supposed to be a family !!!! The TT has to go, he's being a selfish idiot.

Twitterqueen · 21/10/2014 08:56

OMG - what all other posters have said.
Read your post back to yourself a few times and maybe that will help you see things more clearly.

Changing cars to and from work? NO
Keeping cars that don't work for you plus chldren? NO
'Pay back' DH? NO NO NO

Selfish, controlling, stupid, arrogant - just some of the words that spring to mind ref your 'DH'

pictish · 21/10/2014 08:56

Expecting payback for the service is jaw dropping. How peevish and strange.
He's like a 12 yr old in a man's body. A great big childish bully!

He can stick his Hot Wheels Audi TT up his backside. His expectation that he should get to keep it on at your expense is laughable.

I have read this out to my family OP...and we are all laughing at him.

Not funny for you though - sort him out.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 21/10/2014 08:57

YANBU He's being a selfish, immature arse.

Agree with pp, he needs to grow up and stop thinking that he's the only important person in your family.

pictish · 21/10/2014 09:00

And I agree that you have bigger problems than the cars going on here. This dilemma illustrates the attitude that he is King Dick, ruler of your household, while you are Chief Serf, who must defer to his mighty penis power.

Get fucked pal. That's what he'd be getting from me.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 21/10/2014 09:05

Don't you ever go anywhere as a family, the four of you? Or away for weekends/holidays? I can't see how you would all fit together + luggage in either the truck or the TT. As for paying your own car repairs Shock

Your car is the most practical for the children. He is just being silly. Show him this thread- no one thinks YABU at all!

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