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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Think this is an odd thing to say?

125 replies

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:08

DD looks like DH, I know, he knows, the cat knows everyone knows. However my MIL and FIL do tend to go on about it a bit, but I get that they're proud etc... So I try not to let it bother me much because it's not important (though I don't think an hour goes by without some comment about how she 'so looks like DH, definitely not you' when we visit). But this weekend my MIL was in the middle of going on about how she is DH's double when she grabbed her hand and said her fingers are just like DH's too. Now, to me that just seems like a weird thing to say? It almost feels like she is making her out to be all him and none of me? I know I'm probably overanalysing it and being over sensitive but she does have some of my features and I did the whole growing and birthing thing yet it feels a little like she can't see that she's my DD too even down to her finger tips. It just seemed a little much to me really and that comment has really stuck at me. AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:09

*to think this is an odd thing to say.
Frick!

OP posts:

lollipoppi · 20/10/2014 22:10

Mil does exactly the same thing with my DS and DP
Smile and nod, smile and nod

slippermaiden · 20/10/2014 22:12

Yeah, my son has fingers like mine, and my daughter has fingers like my husband. My daughter also looks like a cross between me and my sister in law. People always like to talk about who a child looks like, better get used to it, you know you carried her.

mindthegap79 · 20/10/2014 22:12

Comment that it's so odd that although dd looks like dh, he looks absolutely nothing like his parents.

TwinkleDust · 20/10/2014 22:12

Yup. Raise an eyebrow. Smile. Everytime. It will drive her nuts.

WinterHobbit · 20/10/2014 22:13

My family are exactly the same about my children and my Dad, he has to be the favourite and the family point this out every time I see them.

Just smile, roll your eyes a little and scream inside.

JoyceDivision · 20/10/2014 22:14

say 'yes, but everyone else says he looks like his best mate' (poss prior consent from dh to say this may be best depending on how well it would go down )

Original poster

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:17

It's not the talking that's the problem really it's just that its incessant! She has my eyes absolutely yet they said 'well her eyes must come from me and FIL, because we have hazel eyes too!' It's almost like they think DH grew her in a test tube! Smile and nod, smile and nod!

OP posts:

Original poster

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:18

@joyce that's fantastic! Really did make me giggle!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 20/10/2014 22:18

Smile, nod, point out that kids go through many different stages.

StetsonsAreCool · 20/10/2014 22:18

I used to get this all the time when DD was a baby. And they used to get really huffy when I'd say that she looked like a cross between DH and my brother - she really did! If she hadn't grown in me, I would have been quite worried about the DNA

Smile And Nod. Or do what Joyce said. I'd pay to see their reaction

WitchWay · 20/10/2014 22:18

My mum likes to go on about how much DS looks like a "Way" - he does look a lot like my Dad & brother, but also very like his dad (my DH) & particularly like DH's sister's children & their (DH's & SIL's) cousin.

littlepeas · 20/10/2014 22:21

Is dd still a baby? If so, you may find she starts to look more like you as she grows - both my boys looked like dh when they were born, but are much more like me now. Both sides of the family pick out the features that are like them - I think most grandparents do this.

Original poster

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:25

My parents don't so maybe that's why it niggles at me a little? In fairness bar her eyes and nose she is her daddy's double at the moment, I can absolutely see it and I know and honestly that doesn't bother me, DH was a gorgeous baby so I'm happy she looks like him and she's beautiful but I wish they'd spend a bit of time NOT going on about it! They just seem to examine her and pick out what else looks like him, next they'll be telling me that she had the same amount of nasal hair!!

OP posts:

JustSpeakSense · 20/10/2014 22:26

My DH family are exactly the same! They insist my DD & DS look, act, sound like, eat like, sleep like DH (or sometimes some other random member of their family) any talent or positive attribute they have...you guessed it....was inherited from him!

In their eyes it seems, I had no part in their conception, gestation, birth or upbringing!

Just smile & nod and pour yourself another glass of wine

WhitePhantom · 20/10/2014 22:27

Just look really surprised and say "Do you think so???" every time she does it... Every. Single. Time. It'll soon bug her so much that she'll stop. Or at least you'll have the satisfaction of freaking her out a bit!

husbanddoestheironing · 20/10/2014 22:28

Wait til she has a massive tantrum then say 'yes, definitely your side of the family through and through'

Frogisatwat · 20/10/2014 22:28

I've had people say how much I resemble my dad. .. he's my step dad

aermingers · 20/10/2014 22:29

YABU, it's harmless, you're overeacting. I think it would probably be a little astounding to see someone who looks just like the little baby you remember from thirty odd years ago. It just sounds likey they're very taken with her. I don't think this is worth getting upset over, it's really not.

ArabellaTarantella · 20/10/2014 22:32

Just turn round and say......"Fortunately she hasn't got his genitalia."

Original poster

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:35

I know it's not worth getting upset over really, I know I'm probably overreacting but it's just frustrating that it's endless, it honestly just doesn't stop every time they see her and it makes me feel a bit left out I guess? I'm glad that they adore her as they do and they're not bad grandparents they're loving and caring, but MIL in particular will disagree with me if I say that she has any similarity to me or my side of the family. I know it's harmless but it is slightly excessive, they talked about almost nothing else every time we saw them this weekend

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TurnOverTheTv · 20/10/2014 22:35

I get this all the time. I often say 'IF I HADN'T PUSHED HIM OUT OF MY VERY OWN VAGINA I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOW HE WAS MINE!' With a big stare at my FIL. You would think he'd give up, but no. I say it at least 5 times a year.

WerewolfBarMitzvah · 20/10/2014 22:35

How annoying.

My DS has always looked quite alot like me. Strangers tell us, all the family think so etc etc. Except MIL who went digging in the loft to find her baby photos to prove he looked like her. But none of us could see it
Weird thing is, the baby in the photo didn't even look like her!
I think people want ownership of a new baby, for some reason, and perhaps deep down it's supposed to help with bonding if you see them as your own IYSWIM.

Original poster

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:36

@arabella 'Well she definitely doesn't have his penis' was on the tip of my tongue when MIL said 'everything about her is just her dad isn't it?'
I wasn't brave enough

OP posts:

catfourfeet · 20/10/2014 22:36

I heard/read/ imagined that babies are genetically designed to look like their Fathers so they don't get eaten. (In a sort of "pride" type scenario iykwim)

Could be a little a some thing to drop into the conversation

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