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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think this is an odd thing to say?

125 replies

froootbat · 20/10/2014 22:08

DD looks like DH, I know, he knows, the cat knows everyone knows. However my MIL and FIL do tend to go on about it a bit, but I get that they're proud etc... So I try not to let it bother me much because it's not important (though I don't think an hour goes by without some comment about how she 'so looks like DH, definitely not you' when we visit). But this weekend my MIL was in the middle of going on about how she is DH's double when she grabbed her hand and said her fingers are just like DH's too. Now, to me that just seems like a weird thing to say? It almost feels like she is making her out to be all him and none of me? I know I'm probably overanalysing it and being over sensitive but she does have some of my features and I did the whole growing and birthing thing yet it feels a little like she can't see that she's my DD too even down to her finger tips. It just seemed a little much to me really and that comment has really stuck at me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
froootbat · 21/10/2014 08:56

@pensionerpeep it's not that she looks like him that offends me, that's lovely, like I've said he's lovely to look at! It's the complete exclusion of me from her existence (even down to her fingers!) that bothers me more than anything else, and the fact that they go On and on and on about how she is 'all her dad' and 'nothing like you(me)'

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 21/10/2014 08:58

I get this but the other way round. DS looks completely like me and strangers really comment on it. DH does get pissed off so I understand why it's annoying.

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 21/10/2014 08:59

It's about them loving him and want to find links with themselves. A bit self centred and annoying but v normal. Smile and nod, definitely. And when you are ready, make use of this family love-in by roping them in for free babysitting Smile

AllTheNamesIWantHaveGone · 21/10/2014 09:07

Exactly the same situation here. Very annoying. MIL who I can't bear anyhow is obsessed with DS having DP's blue eyes. Seriously, she goes on about it like they are the only two people in the world to have blue eyes. Err ... hello ... my eyes are blue too ............. !!

ApocalypseNowt · 21/10/2014 09:09

My IL's were forever doing this with DD1. They became convinced she was the spitting image of MIL as a child based on one photograph where MIL had the same hair parting and wore a similar hair clip to the sort DD1 wears.

I smiled and nodded at this for months as it seemed harmless but they just wouldn't bloody let it go. They put said photo on fb asking begging for people to validate their theory. They emailed the photo to various relatives and god knows who else.

I got the hump and dug out a photo of me at the same age. They thought it was of DD1. I told them who it was. Cue long silence and 'the photo' has not been mentioned since.

OP - yes, i know what you mean in feeling 'pushed out'. My IL's are actually lovely people when not being batshit crazy and i generally get on with them but something about them talking about their grandchildren makes me feel like a vessel there purely to carry on their precious son's genes. Mine are in their too!

textingdisaster · 21/10/2014 09:12

It's all coming back to me now. Like the time when ds was a baby and we were talking with mil about peanuts being allergenic. She said I shouldn't worry as nobody in their family had allergies. Err maybe not but that's not the entirety of ds's make up. She didn't then go on to ask questions about allergies in my family Confused. So that settles it then as a member of the h's family name clan, my ds will not be allergic to peanuts.

I realise I am sounding quite bitter. In laws have really been fine generally Grin.

BramwellBrown · 21/10/2014 09:30

Some people are just very eager to see their own family in children, DH's great aunt bumped into me, DS and my littlest brother and sister in town one day and went on and on about how much they all look like DH and not a bit like me for ages before she stopped talking long enough for me to point out none of them are DH's Grin

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 21/10/2014 09:36

DD looks the spitting image of me. DH's parents spend hours poring over baby pictures of him and his sister, pictures of themselves as babies, pictures of 3rd cousins 8 times removed, ancestors etc to find a resemblance to their family. I'm pretty sure they doubt her paternity. It drives me absolutely insane, but I grit my teeth and smile and nod Smile.

IamOldGregg · 21/10/2014 09:48

OP my mother in law excludes me from looking like my own DDs. DD1 does look very like her Dad, and very like MIL. Something they went on and on (repeat ad infinitum) about and I have had to rise above!! Grin
DD2 looks very like my own mum, and very much like me. When MIL met her she looked her all over and said, "well she doesn't look like anybody!" Then loooong look again, "I know! she looks like my cousin's little girl."

Not ME then MIL??? she doesn't look EXACTLY LIKE me!???

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 21/10/2014 09:53

When DD was three weeks old MIL actually wondered aloud whether DD might be bipolar or maybe dyslexic as it runs in their family. confused

Yes we have this too. Worried asking written all over if speaking yet, if loo trained yet so annoying, trying to transfer all her families problems onto mine, trying to shackle us.

Original poster
froootbat · 21/10/2014 09:54

@oldgregg oh I'd have to say something I think - probably 'you know she has TWO sets of genes right?'
I just got told 'well have more children, they might look like you! Though we obviously have the stronger genes' when, after 3 days, I replied 'everyone knows she looks like her dad, everyone sees it!'
Really, MIL. Is that necessary?
In laws, tssk!

OP posts:
NewEraNewMindset · 21/10/2014 09:57

I get this from my Father a lot weirdly. Every time he sees my son he goes on and on about how much like DP he is. I tend to just say ' actually we think he looks a lot like me' and change the subject.

NewEraNewMindset · 21/10/2014 09:59

Frooot is bang on the money there. She is basically laying claim to dominant genes, silly moo.

IamOldGregg · 21/10/2014 09:59

When DD was three weeks old MIL actually wondered aloud whether DD might be bipolar or maybe dyslexic as it runs in their family

YY to this to! My MIL said "you will watch her, DD1, won't you. She's got my genes so she might struggle with my bi polar". DD1 was 9 weeks.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 21/10/2014 10:01

Iam old

I dontg believe in being so fatalistic about young people like this

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 21/10/2014 10:02

DD2 looks very like my own mum, and very much like me. When MIL met her she looked her all over and said, "well she doesn't look like anybody!" Then loooong look again, "I know! she looks like my cousin's little girl."

What a Bitch.

I suppose for me I have no mother to balance out these comments which makes MILS seem even more insensitive and vicous

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 21/10/2014 10:03

Anyway Op you are BU as its not odd at all.
Its classic MIL. Grin

MokunMokun · 21/10/2014 10:05

DS went through a really chubby phase when he started weaning and MIL was obsessed with it. It was all she could talk about.

He's so fat (giggles)
Is he eating again? (Giggles)
Look you can see his double chin (giggles)
He's just so fat (giggles)

He's like a bean pole now but my goodness I have no idea how I got through that phase without losing it. My mum said that he is chubby. It wasn't about that though but just her going on and on about it constantly. Drove me mental!

Howlycopter · 21/10/2014 10:06

Just be patient, your time will come Smile My MIL is nice but I got a lot of the same kind of thing until one day we were out together and someone she knew came up and said 'oh, he's the image of you howly, isn't he MIL' and she had to smile and nod and agree. It was great Grin

maddy68 · 21/10/2014 10:08

I would say.

" looks of her dad, brains of her mum"

whattheseithakasmean · 21/10/2014 10:08

My MIL was a heller for this. My girls do look quite like their DH - fine, no need to throb on about it.

Ironically, our (late) DS had bright blue eyes, just like me (DH & DDs eyes are hazel). MIL could not let this drop - where could those blue eyes have come from?

Seriously, he was sat on my knee, both looking at her out of our same bright blue eyes, when she declared 'I know, Uncle Vincent - he had blue eyes!'. WTF????

textingdisaster · 21/10/2014 10:10

I am so sorry for your loss whatthese Sad.

where could those blue eyes have come from? Angry

maddy68 · 21/10/2014 10:11

It's a grandparent thing. My mums side of the family are all mahoosive slightly large people, my dad's side and my dh's side are all really skinny.
I myself have never been bigger than a size 10. My mum comments every time how skinny my kids are. She researches all sorts of ailments they might have. She's now decided my so my son is celiac despite being perfectly healthy and no symptoms at all
It's one of those things you just think "yes dear"

CrapBag · 21/10/2014 10:35

YANBU and given her previously nasty comments about your weight, she knows what she is doing and I'd say she still dislikes you. She sounds like a bitch who is trying not to acknowledge you as family.

DH's family did something similar last Christmas, although not to the same extent but they were banging on about how much DD was like SIL! They share a similar hair colour. That's about it. DDs is lighter than SIL and facially she is the image of me, pointed out by many others and even DH noticed it when he saw one of my baby pictures recently. I felt like shouting "I'm her bloody mum, NOT SIL" as the way they were talking was like she was SILs child. Nothing said at all about DS though who has my exact darker colouring.

MsMsMsNOTMRS · 21/10/2014 10:43

Not odd... In that all Grandparents are loons when it comes to their grandchildren.

You'll get your revenge. DD looked more and more like me as she got older. Hahahahahaha.