...to think too many parents are too soft these days?

[becominglessofalurker]

Maybe this isn't a recent thing nd I have just started to notice it since close family nd I have started families but most parents I come across let their kids get away with murder.
To clarify, I don't believe in smacking and think good discipline can be achieved without it.
I would be mortified if my dc acted the way I see many children acting, including my nephews.
Although I would never say anything directly, as I think parenting tactics are very personal choices, it annoys me as I feel like my SIL and BIL kids are setting a bad example for mine.

Do you have children?

I hear what you're saying

But equally your SIL and BIL could say the same about your kids...if not now, in the future.

One person's acceptable behaviour, isn't always the same as someone else's.

Vsorry ignore I can seeyou have.

Totally agree with you op.

Don't worry bear... us sleep deprived parents do sometimes have to 're-read stuff lol.
Worrall, pretty much the whole family thinks their discipline, or rather lack there of, sucks.

Yes you do get parents with lower standards than others.

I'm not sure how old your children are, but I'm pretty sure there will be times when other parents judge you on their behaviour too.

All we can do is stick with our own standards and don't worry about other parents 'setting a bad example' to your kids, because there's not a thing you can do about that.

Can you give an example of what you mean?

I used to be a grumpy old bag about children's behaviour in public, having disciplined classes of forty without corporal punishment for decades. And as children, my sister and I were absolute models of good behaviour, or our dad would've skinned us alive, and anyway, in those days, most children were calm and good.
But one has to move with the times. I genuinely love children, and I can see that parents nowadays have a completely different world to cope with. Lots of over-stimulation with technology, noise, pressure , and most mums having to work as well.

I think most do very well with their children, and are coping as best they can.
Those who aren't doing the job properly only need to set boundaries and have consequences for crossing them. But life is exhausting nowadays and one is often too tired.

I agree with you. Far too much endless negotiating - tell them no, and mean it. Raise your voice if you have to. The painful, long explanations that some parents do as to why Cherub shouldn't do X, Y or Z is so tedious - and woe betide anyone who dares to tell them that Cherub has actually been a bit of a shite.

A good fatal beating will sort them out.

I think society allows children to be badly behaved as we are still trying to balance out generations of treating children like mini adults, work horses and generally ignoring everything they say. Add to that the guilt of both parents often working now and the higher rate of divorce/lone parents and Disney parenting, IDTYABU at all.

So true SirChenjin

I'm always slightly bemused when people claim to never raise their voice to their children (and suspect they haven't reached teenager stage yet).

The last thing kids need are parents who come across as emotionless robots, no matter how far they try to push them.

Well I try very hard to keep my opinions to myself in real life. But yes, I do think that there are many children who would be happier with a bit more firm parenting. No shouting, no smacking- just the consistent enforcing of their parents' instructions.

I observe some children of my acquaintance expertly winding their parents up with subtle, tiny acts of disobedience. It usually leads to tears and sulking in the end. The whole process doesn't look like a whole lot of fun for the child either.

I am quite selective about telling children to do something but when I do, I don't leave them alone until they have obeyed. It doesn't take long for them to catch on and we generally have no drama.

My children are by no means perfect but the majority of the time they do as they are told and that leaves plenty of time and energy for fun things.

I don't think your BIL and SIL can count as 'most' parents though... fair enough if you think they don't use consistent discipline and boundaries - you know them well enough to comment. But I think that 'most' parents are doing the best job they can 'most' of the time and 'most' children are pretty fab, really.

I think this has been said about every generation of children for 100s of years.

Not all the kids I grew up with were calm and good either.

I struggle with being a bit too permissive, it's just my temperament I like to please, hate to say no. But being too authoritarian and controlling is also bad. It's hard finding that balance.

Consistent reinforcement of social norms and good manners is the key. A lot of people can't be bothered though as it takes years and is immensely frustrating.

Yes, of course Lou. General rather than specific in case I'm spotted though.
SIL uses a pathetic voice nd just says "pls R" or "E" rather than TELLING them to do something. She tried to use 'the naughty step' with her first but just gave warning after warning then wondered why it didn't work.
When BIL attempt discipline SIL moans that he is being mean so he has just given up.
They let their 7 yr old win ALL board games or else he throws a tantrum more like a toddler.
When the SIL does try a bit harder to get them to do what she wants they basically laugh in her face cos they know she will just give up anyway.

And of course you can only teach your children how to behave if you know how to behave yourself

You are right op. I think a lot of the 'bad behaviour' is due to a lack of parenting and not teaching children good manners. When we were young, there was clearly defined roles of parent and child whereas nowadays, parents are setting less boundaries and rules and as a result the children set the boundaries to suit themselves.

I'm soft. My parents were very strict. My mum now says I'm strict because I make my dc help tidy their toys away at night (5yrs & 3yrs btw).

Well YABU to project from what you observe of your in-laws parenting style to "too many parents...these days". There's always been a range of parenting styles and involvement.

Bloody kids these days...