To be worried about this premature baby?

[Twoangelfeet]

A woman I have gotten to know at a playgroup I go to has recently had her second DC very early. Baby is very small, not yet 4lb but doing well and set to come home in the next week.

The mother is clearly very lonely. To be honest I gave her a bit of a wide berth at first as she's desperate for attention and always talks about herself/her kids turning every part of anyone's conversation back to herself somehow. She has recently moved to the area and has no friends or family so I offered help when she had her premature baby as I knew she was under a lot of stress.

Now baby is due to come home next week she is talking about next week having two kids with her at playgroup. I'm really worried that it's a really bad idea for her to bring such a tiny baby to a place that is inevitably rife with germs and snotty toddlers.

I have no experience at all of premature babies but it seems to me that since children aren't even allowed to visit the baby in hospital due to risk of infection that this is a really unwise move. I know she will be keen to come and show her off and have lots of attention.

Baby has just started feeding on her own but is still so tiny.

AIBU to be really worried about this? Should I gently suggest to her that maybe she should wait a while?

More credit to the OP for being keen to support someone she didn't take to immediately.

but she isn't concerned, she has made some very nasty comments about this other mum and as o said at the start with "friends" like that who needs enemies?!

the op is making a massive judgement based on zero information about this woman's actual situation other than some comment about a vague desire to be at a playgroup after her prem baby is released from hospital.

the doctors will advise her but as she already has a child she cannot avoid germs and actually irrespective of whether the op agree with her "friend" is entirely irrelevant, the doctors are the only person the mum should even entertain listening to and if they are in support then that is all that matters. the op has no idea if they are because she hasnt bothered to ask. she isn't this woman's friend she is just an interfering busy body

I thought the OP was trying to be very honest so she could help her out more.

LittlePeasMummy1

RSV is really nasty.
I am sorry you went through that and glad your LO recovered.
A dear friend lost her little boy from RSV. He was a toddler, but he had Downs syndrome and his heart wasn't strong.

the op is making a massive judgement based on zero information

The OP knows that toddler groups are full of germs and that the baby could be vulnerable. That isn't zero information but she knew she could get more information from MN which would help her to decide if it was appropriate to offer a particular kind of support.

the op has no idea if they are because she hasnt bothered to ask

She has asked MNers. She can't ask the mother what she was advised on discharge as the baby hasn't been discharged yet.

She was asking if she should offer to visit her, not stand in for the paediatricians.

She didn't ask if she should visit she asked if she should tell the mum to stay at home and not go out with the baby and has then got very aggressive when people have told her to mind her own business

Plenty of people have been very aggressive on this thread. The OP is not one of them.

Like I said before, not one of MN's better threads.

Hiding it now as I hope the poor OP has also done.

FFS! How do you hide threads on the app, anyone?

Just don't click on the thread.

Well I won't while I'm on the app but wanted to hide it anyway because I normally use a laptop.

I guess I can't do it on the app.

3littlefrogs post is spot on. Sometimes it is best to tactfully say something, or offer an alternative plan in order to ensure that everything has been considered.

So little is known by most parents about RSV and I think it's one of those things that unless you have seen how ill it can make a baby you don't even consider. I had never heard of it before DS was ill. Worrying my DN was discharged from scbu a few weeks back with no information provided about RSV which is scary given the time of year and the fact he is more vulnerable.

You can't avoid everywhere. You can't avoid all germs. But you can minimise risk by not going to really germ ridden places unless there really is no alternative