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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make DS go to this birthday party

111 replies

newrecruit · 17/10/2014 00:00

DS is 9. He has a very close group of friends who have been friends since reception. We are also very good friends with their parents.

2 of his closest friends have been bullying him over the last couple of months. Physical and nasty comments etc.
I'm currently talking to the school about it as DS had been very upset.

I've also spoken to their parents but they seem to be treating it as more of a falling out/squabble. This is mainly due to the boys not admitting what they've been doing.

It is their joint birthday party next week. DS doesn't want to go. I don't want him to go. I don't even think the boys want him to go.

He shouldn't go should he Hmm

OP posts:
iwishiwasacat · 17/10/2014 00:02

Er, no. He shouldn't go if he doesn't want to.

Unexpected · 17/10/2014 00:02

Nope! I absolutely wouldn't make him go. Do something nice with him yourself that day. Good luck in getting the situation sorted out as well.

Original poster
newrecruit · 17/10/2014 00:04

When I write it down it seems so clear.

I

OP posts:
ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 17/10/2014 00:09

NO don't make him. Bless him, this is an awful time but it is the start of a new phase. Encourage new friendships.

ClapHandsIfYouBelieveInFatties · 17/10/2014 00:09

They're not his close friends any more.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/10/2014 00:12

No tgey are not friends anymore and they are bullying your ds. He should absolutely not go, why should he!

MrsGeorgeMichael · 17/10/2014 03:21

yanbu. no need to attend. hoping you can do something amazing when party is taking place!

Chottie · 17/10/2014 04:02

No way - these boys are not his friends, why would he want to go?

Darkandstormynight · 17/10/2014 04:08

Oh OP Sad no I wouldn't make him go at all. Plan a special day for your family and then you will have 'other plans'.

Hope things get better for your ds soon!!

SavoyCabbage · 17/10/2014 04:27

I would say 'obviously Bob won't be coming but thanks for asking him'

Delphiniumsblue · 17/10/2014 07:24

I just let them choose who to invite to parties and which parties they want to go to- if he doesn't want to (quite understandable) then don't go.

Felyne · 17/10/2014 07:27

No I wouldn't make him go. High on the feeling of 'it's MY party, it's all about me and what I want', the other boys will possibly be even crueller if he's there.

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/10/2014 07:30

No - I'm pretty robust about my DC doing things that they are slightly reluctant to do, but on this scenario I would absolutely say that DS would not be going

Original poster
newrecruit · 17/10/2014 07:38

Yes. It's slightly complicated as we've already said yes and it's an activity for 8 boys which needs 8 boys iyswim.

However if I say now, they have time to get a replacement.

OP posts:
CaptainAnkles · 17/10/2014 07:40

Tell them that due to their children's horrible bullying behaviour, your child would spend the day being deeply unhappy and worried, and you're just not willing to put him through it.
It's awful that they're ignoring the problem.

skylark2 · 17/10/2014 07:44

As you are close friends with their parents, I'd suggest you talk to them again. Maybe the fact your DS doesn't even want to go to a party with them will open their eyes to it being a real problem. Maybe they've invited him because they think it'll solve the problem.

But no, if this has been going on for two months and he's unhappy about it he shouldn't go.

starlight1234 · 17/10/2014 07:48

Another no.

Only1scoop · 17/10/2014 07:49

Just tell them he doesn't want to go if that's the case....

Tell them imminently if they need a replacement.

merrymouse · 17/10/2014 07:49

No you shouldn't make him go.

Agree that as you are close friends with the parents you should be honest about the reason he isn't going.

Would be miserable for him to go to make up the numbers and be a target.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/10/2014 08:04

Than say now. Why force him into a situation with a bunch of bullies. So what if you have already agreed or it needs 8, they are no longer friends anymore. Not your problem.

R4roger · 17/10/2014 08:13

could they not build bridges at the party? I mean do you want them to make up?

claraschu · 17/10/2014 08:16

Yes to talking honestly with the parents ASAP. Sorry you are dealing with this: it's horrible.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/10/2014 08:16

A party is not the place to do that. If op ds does not want to go, it's up to him. They sound nasty.

Wolfbasher · 17/10/2014 08:24

No, don't make him go - take him out for something really super-fun instead and have a lovely day. Let him know you think he's great company and you're enjoying spending that time with him.

And don't be apologetic when you tell the parents. You don't have to blame their sons either, just be clear and say that your DC is really not enjoying being around their DC at the moment, and that you hope it'll settle down in the future, but right now it's best that they get someone else.

Crazy to have an activity that can't take place without 8 people. What if someone's sick on the day!

Eva50 · 17/10/2014 08:25

Dear Other Mothers,

Due to the recent upset between the boys and my continuing dialogue with the school we have decided that ds will not attend the party of "Bully 1" and "Bully 2". I wish them a horrible very happy birthday.

Newrecruit.

And don't send cards or presents.

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