to not make DS go to this birthday party

[newrecruit]

DS is 9. He has a very close group of friends who have been friends since reception. We are also very good friends with their parents.

2 of his closest friends have been bullying him over the last couple of months. Physical and nasty comments etc.
I'm currently talking to the school about it as DS had been very upset.

I've also spoken to their parents but they seem to be treating it as more of a falling out/squabble. This is mainly due to the boys not admitting what they've been doing.

It is their joint birthday party next week. DS doesn't want to go. I don't want him to go. I don't even think the boys want him to go.

He shouldn't go should he

They know I disagree with the on it as we've discussed it in the past.

Their argument has always been "you don't know what it's like, it's not your child being hurt"

I do now

Their treatment of that poor boy who has ASD is disgusting. I could not be friends with people like that!

Good on you newrecruit, I am glad that this is being addressed, and that your ds is making a stand by not attending the party. I really hope that this gets better for ds. I like to think that if my child has been bullying that I would try my best to pull dc up on the bullying and impose sanctions. I would work with the school to help dc to stop this.

The attitude of the parents tells you all you need to know about whether or not this situation is going to change. They don't want their child challenged, and it's ok for their child to be unkind if in their opinion someone deserves it. 'Nuff said.

Your son needs some support to build up his resilience, some tools to help him deal with the fact there are some very silly people in the world and that because someone has said something doesn't mean it's right or should be believed, and you can look at their intentions in saying it (talking about advertising can be a way of doing this, packaging being pink and sparkly to manipulate children into wanting something, sweets by the till, tv ads) plus I'd be asking school about their wellbeing and antibullying policy. Two common rules in schools - words are not for hurting, and is EVERYONE having fun.

The parents' views are unfortunate but can't be changed. The school however should be working on kind words actively with this class group and throughout the school. It's unlikely your son is the only child being affected by it.

Good for you for not enabling their disgusting behaviour. The book "Stand up for yourself - bullies, big mouths and so called friends" is good.

Ds has been bullied by his class mates and I'm amazed at how mean and vindictive they are - comments about how he's shit at football, how his drawing is crap, that he gets full marks in his tests because he's a nerd. He can't win.

On the day of the party I would take ds out for a special day and buy him something as a treat. This type of bullying is insidious and it wrecks children's confidence.

Thank you everybody.

I've spoken with the head. He said that one boy (the main instigator) denied everything but the other one said that they were being unkind but now they've stopped. They couldn't explain why they were being unkind in the first place and there seemed to be no incident to provoke it.

They have been told that DS1 is to tell the head directly if there are any more incidents of unkindness so they need to be very careful.

I think they are the kind of boys where, being disapproved of by the head should be enough to get back in their boxes.

I feel much calmer about it now. DS feels very different now that the head is involved - I think he thinks there has been some justice even though they haven't technically need punished .

I am going to distance myself from these parents and encourage other friendships for DS. I am slowly realising how important it is to have friends whose attitudes to parenting are more or less in keeping. I have had problems in the past with friends (in some cases it's my children who have been unkind) but we have been able to sort it out because we have dealt with it in the same way.

It's all very complicated!

I really feel for your son (being bullied at school myself). But reading your thread has confirmed to me that I must avoid my ds going to the same school as the children of my best friends. Although the adults are friends, the children are all very different and my ds is the quiet geeky one. I would hate this kind of thing to come between me and my friends.

That outcome is very good. Hopefully that should out a stop to it. I wonder if the bit who denied it was the parent who denied any wrong doing.

newrecruit I'm glad your DS feels happier about it all and that the school were so quick to act. You must feel relieved! Well done

Aeroflot, no he wasn't. The boy who denied it was the one who was the main instigator.

The other one (who always does as he's told) was going along with it all but owned up.

Obedience has its downside.

Wow, I'm very impressed with how well the Head handled it. I hope things improve for your son.