Hi all, so sorry this is long but I am desperate for your wisdom on the issue of separation from the partner. Recently separated, still good friends and wanting to do everything right for our two children aged 6 and 9. Last three years my partner was working in another town or even country and eventually he decided to separate for good. He is now living in an European country and has a new girlfriend which I am supportive of as I want him to be happy. He earns almost 600 pounds a day and in his field is expected to continue to earn that.
We were together for 15 years, I was there at the uni when he went to his first job interview and have followed his career first in Europe and the last ten years I have been a stay at home mum in London. I have a degree as we met at the uni and I did an MBA just before I fell pregnant with our first child and haven’t worked since other than doing volunteer work now that the children are at school.
It was always a joint decision for me to stay at home as my ex-partner’s work demanded that he was always flexible, ready to jump on board to a new project which might have been in a different region. I loved raising the children and taking care of our pets and the home. My ex-partner has never attended parent teacher meetings, helped with homework, taught the children a single life skill, never talked about their feelings or cooked dinner.
During the last years it has been very hard for me to keep the daddy alive in every day life with the children, talking about him and making sure we can catch him so the children can see him. Being happy-go-lucky kind of a person he could go for days without talking to the children however he loves them very much and when around is great with them.
Now comes my question.. a couple of months after leaving the country my ex-partner is saying he legally only needs to pay us the government minimum for child maintenance and I should get to work to “fend off myself”. As I am trying to come to terms with the loss and trying to keep everything together this sounds horrible. I attended the job centre and was literally laughed at with too many qualifications and not enough experience. I am willing to take a low paid job however the fact is that after 15 years of supporting him my ex-partner’s view on my input is very hurtful. I know legally he doesn’t have much obligations however how would other people morally see this?
I have downsized in every way I can and am happy to do so, but I am in London in a rented house with no assets and with two children and four pets and things can’t happen overnight. I know that he is a good man deep down, it is just that he has never valued the work of a stay-at-home parent as he prides his birth family as being professional parents as he was raised by nannies when his mum returned to work after four months. He even said to me to send the kids to him he can take care of them
As everything has always been done for him he cannot imagine the work it takes and morally he does not see any obligation to support us much further. I have been taken to hospital with exhaustion twice in a few months and my blood pressure is alarmingly high. The children continue to be happy as for them it has always been only me in everyday life and I still try my best to shelter them from my feelings. I know somehow we will be ok, but am I the only one to whom my ex-partner’s view is shocking? Thank you for reading this x