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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should dress down?

169 replies

Starry06 · 13/10/2014 15:21

Hi everyone - long time lurker, first time poster!

I recently (3 weeks ago) started a part time business degree at a local university. There is a group of about 15 of us of mixed ages from mid twenties to 50ish and we meet on the evenings.

There is this one girl who must be in her late twenties that always turns up in a full business get-up. And I'm not talking your bog standard skirt/trouser suit and top. She is EXTREMELY smart in obviously very expensive, very conservative 'executive' dress. From what I can gather she is a semi senior position for a Bank or finance company or bank. The rest of us turn up in jeans and jumpers and she looks completely out of place and it makes me feel uncomfortable and that she thinks she is better that the rest of us.

AIBU to have a word with her and tell her to make an effort to dress down a bit? I just think she won't be able to make friends unless she makes a bit more of an effort to fit in.

OP posts:
Idontseeanysontarans · 13/10/2014 16:12

Basically people think that the smartly dressed woman is writing the AIBU from the perspective of the other possibly judgey women in the group.

ithoughtofitfirst · 13/10/2014 16:14

"Make more effort to fit in" Grin

ToffeePenny · 13/10/2014 16:15

Women are not ornaments. Hth.

ShadowStar · 13/10/2014 16:15

YABU. Most likely she's coming straight from work and doesn't want to carry spare clothes around.

If her wearing a suit.is making you feel inferior, then you should try to find a way to deal with your feelings that doesn't involve dictating what someone else should wear. This isn't her problem. It's yours.

ManAliveThisThingsFantastic · 13/10/2014 16:16

Jason where the OP is the subject of the AIBU.

In this case, the OP would be the one dressed smart and being bullied by her peers on the course.

I'm calling a reverse too.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 13/10/2014 16:17

Thanks i don't

Mascaramascara1 · 13/10/2014 16:17

She could turn up in a tutu and ballerina slippers, but it's got naff all to do with you

Well yes, technically people can wear what they like.

In the op's case she is bu because it sounds like this woman is coming straight from work.

But I've been in a situation where a girl from work...not 'friend' exactly but part of the same team who I used to get on with...would turn up to events completely dressed for the wrong occasion.

She was young, quiet, didn't really get out much and it was her first job. She wore jeans and flip flops to the work Xmas do because that was how she interpreted 'smart casual'. She wore a skirt suit to a wedding because it was 'smart' - but looked like something you'd wear to the office. She stuck out like a sore thumb.

I didn't have a word exactly but I did start prompting her and discussing clothes...asking what she was wearing, telling her what I was wearing, making casual comments like 'Oh you should wear that black top on Friday, it's lovely on you'.

I probably sound horribly overbearing to some (it's hard to describe just how 'off' for the occasion she was) but I don't see there's anything wrong with a prod in the right direction at times.

Jasonandyawegunorts · 13/10/2014 16:17

And manalive

ouryve · 13/10/2014 16:18

She can wear wtf she likes. YABU.

GingerPuddin · 13/10/2014 16:20

Grin Szeli
I couldn't be batman. I'd hate to have to work nights.

passmethewineplease · 13/10/2014 16:20

YABU. And weird.

Darkandstormynight · 13/10/2014 16:22

Yes yabu! She should dress as she pleases. Good for her. If you feel uncomfortable you should dress up more.

Infinity8 · 13/10/2014 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Idontseeanysontarans · 13/10/2014 16:24

Mascara that's totally different, you were being genuinely helpful by the sound of it, a gentle prod is different to assuming that someone thinks they are better than everybody else because of the way they dress.

OwlWearingSunglasses · 13/10/2014 16:25

and it makes me feel uncomfortable and that she thinks she is better that the rest of us

So you're judging on appearances? Did you start up a conversation with her or were you just sitting there looking at her thinking that she doesn't fit in because of the way she dresses? Why does it make you feel insecure?

OwlWearingSunglasses · 13/10/2014 16:25

mascara what you did was nice.

morethanpotatoprints · 13/10/2014 16:26

YABU

Why don't you dress up if you feel inferior? You can't expect her to change her clothes because you feel bad.

Spindarella · 13/10/2014 16:26

OP are you for real? Seriously?

  1. what she wears is fuck all to do with you.
  2. if she's coming straight from work, she will be wearing work clothes
  3. presumably she's got through life well enough so far to be in a "semi senior" position so she has some degree of self awareness.
  4. maybe, just maybe, she doesn't give a shiny shite about making friends on the course, and is just interested in, y'know, doing the course and getting on with her own life.

It's not often an OP boils my piss entirely - usually I can see a glimmer of where OP is coming from, no matter how unreasonable, but this here is just beyond daft.

Mammanat222 · 13/10/2014 16:26

She was young, quiet, didn't really get out much and it was her first job. She wore jeans and flip flops to the work Xmas do because that was how she interpreted 'smart casual'. She wore a skirt suit to a wedding because it was 'smart' - but looked like something you'd wear to the office. She stuck out like a sore thumb

So there is now an offical "dress code" when these people meet up each week is there??

Do you know what when I was young I went to a wedding, I spent £100 on a new suit and felt amazing. A slightly older woman I didn't know came over to me and said "lovely suit, I have that for work"

What a fucking nasty and disgraceful thing to say hey? I was 20, had saved hard to buy a new outfit and look smart... Thankfully I was 10 years younger and 2 stone lighter than the bitch that made the comment - wish I'd had the sense to point that out.

treaclesoda · 13/10/2014 16:27

I'm adding my vote to team 'surely this is a reverse?' I can think of no other plausible explanation.

Mammanat222 · 13/10/2014 16:27
  • "slightly older" was meant to be sarky btw!
Brassrubbing · 13/10/2014 16:28

There's something wondrously ironic in the fact that the OP, doing a business degree, is intimidated by a woman wearing a typical business outfit.

I also think this is a reverse.

wrapsuperstar · 13/10/2014 16:29

I also think this is a poorly-executed reverse. And if so, my advice to you OP is to stop trying to imagine what people think of you. All likelihood is that they really don't find you or your dress sense that interesting. Wink

wowfudge · 13/10/2014 16:33
Biscuit

What a load of tosh OP: it seems you feel threatened by someone smarter (in more ways than one?).

The only reason she won't be able to make friends with the rest of the group is if you are nastily stirring about her due to your own insecurities and making things awkward.

Yep - I think this is a reverse too.

Hedgesinthewind · 13/10/2014 16:34

Good lord! Who made you President of the World, OP? Surely you've got more to think about than how someone else dresses?