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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my baby boomer parents are selfish and ungrateful

377 replies

yoofoftoday · 13/10/2014 10:59

Had lunch with parents yesterday and left so fuming.

Mother complains about not being able to get a new car on finance and that her retirement income is only 28k after she retired early. Her current car is only 4 years old and she often uses her free bus pass (only free to her take payers have to pay for it along with the rising bus fares) as she doesn't was the BMW to get scratched in town. I barely can afford the bus and can't even afford a car.

Dad who gets his state pension but still works was complaining that he has to pay Ni and then wait till the end of the year to claim it back. Also complqains that now he gets his state pension has to up the amount in his private pension to avoid 40% tax. He only keeps doing this job as its easy and he works from home not doing much.

Uncle who sold a building plot to developers for a fortune ages ago and hasn't worked since said "oh your poor dad still working". When my dad is in perfect health and works from home paid a lot for easy work, basically on call 9-5.

Then my parents say they are putting their winter fuel allowance towards a 3d DVD player while I go home to my cold house where I only put the heating on if it goes below 16.

Nc but regular.

OP posts:

WerkSupp · 13/10/2014 11:00

This will not go well.

OwlCapone · 13/10/2014 11:02

So, you want them to give you all their money?

OwlCapone · 13/10/2014 11:03

Oh, and welcome to MN, OP. :)

NewEraNewMindset · 13/10/2014 11:04

Stop going round there and you won't have to hear their Pity Party.

scousadelic · 13/10/2014 11:04

Their generation have certainly had it easier than those before or since and I am shocked at the self-centredness and lack of thought for others of some of them (and I say that as someone in my 50s so I know we had hard times too, I have contended with a lot of the same) but there's nothing any of us can do about it. Life is not fair!

I would just tell them how you feel and get on with your own life

WooWooOwl · 13/10/2014 11:05

What exactly is it that makes them selfish and ungrateful?

Are they not allowed to talk to their adult daughter about minor financial issues?

dashoflime · 13/10/2014 11:07

I can see it would be annoying to hear them moan about money if they're better off than you.
Not much you can do to stop people moaning though. especially old people- they love it
YAB (a bit) unreasonable.

Callani · 13/10/2014 11:08

I have minor financial issues that I may bemoan with DP but I wouldn't complain about them to friends who I know have genuine financial problems. It's rude and inconsiderate.

jacks365 · 13/10/2014 11:08

How come with that pension your mother can't get a new car on finance none of my relatives struggle to get finance just because they are retired? It must be a pain for your dad to have to reclaim the NI having to claim any refunds where you are being charged for things you are exempt from is wrong, it shouldn't be taken in the first place.

VermillionPorcupine · 13/10/2014 11:08

There's always someone worse off.

I mean, have you considered how selfish you sound? You get to go home to your house, when many people the world over have no home at all. Yet you're moaning about it.

Callani · 13/10/2014 11:09

Oh and YANBU about the complaining but there's not much you can do about the rest of it.

AMumInScotland · 13/10/2014 11:09

Do they know that you can barely afford the bus or to heat your home?

If they know, next time they start on this tack stand up and say "I really find it difficult to listen to you moan when you know perfectly well how I have to live" and walk away.

If not, then tell them. They may be selfish and ungrateful or they may just be dim and unimaginative!

Original poster

yoofoftoday · 13/10/2014 11:12

But they don't know the meaning of the word financial issues.

Isn't it the normal for someone to have somewhere to call a home?

OP posts:

HamishBamish · 13/10/2014 11:14

I don't think they are selfish, but they definitely had an easier time financially when it came to buying property. Saying that, they did live in much simpler times. Although I was brought up in a house I could never afford now, we didn't go on foreign holidays or change our cars very often. We ate very simply and it was incredibly rare for us to eat out.

I do look back at their lives with a certain amount of envy, but I'm sure heavily rose tinted glasses too! My parents divorced, so their finances were split and due to that they have continued to live frugally. My mum in particular does appreciate the pressure of families now, especially with so many women having to return to work after having babies when they would much rather be at home. That resonates with her I think.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/10/2014 11:14

Ther winter fuel allowance. A great thing, but there are other people besides pensioners in the winter. There I've said it! Flamed I'll be but I don't care.
i.e the sick disabled, new born babies, do I dare say the unemployed (all of which can happen to anyone|)
And the fact that certain people do not use it for the sole purpose it is given then. I'll never be his mate but I don't blame David Cameron for thinking about making it means tested! and just giving it to those who need it!.
However some would say why aren't they entilted to it. They've paid their dues and fair comment, too,

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2014 11:14

You left 'fuming'? Really?

Would you rather they lived in poverty then?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/10/2014 11:15

Oh and y.n.b.u.

WooWooOwl · 13/10/2014 11:16

Financial issues doesn't have to automatically mean terrible difficult financial issues that are a major problem.

Everyone has finances to deal with. I can understand why it would annoy you if they were negatively banging on about it, but from what you have said so far, it just sounds like they're telling you what's going on with their finances.

RiverTam · 13/10/2014 11:16

I think it was Paxman who said that the baby boomers weren't the 'lucky' generation, they were the 'lazy' generation. Not sure if I would agree but I certainly know a few who had a lot of things on a plate (universal employment when young, jobs for life, final salary pensions, affordable housing, free education all the way through for their DC) but whinge away about this, that and the other whilst simultaneously saying they are higher-rate tax payers - so they know we aren't higher-rate tax payers and we don't benefit from many of the things that they did, but still carry on moaning about benefit scroungers and immigrants and all the rest of it (yes, MIL's DH, I'm looking right at you!).

WerkSupp · 13/10/2014 11:18

No one had microwaves, mobiles, computers, flat screen tellies back then because they didn't exist. Plenty do not eat out now or go on foreign holidays because they cannot afford it, even now.

The fact is that essential costs of living, housing, transport and power/gas have increased dramatically and wages have stagnated for many.

TantricShift · 13/10/2014 11:18

I understand your annoyance. My parents always go on about how they have worked all their lives to enjoy their retirement and all it's benefits but cannot even entertain the idea that my generation are actually the ones paying for it. They seem to believe that the pot they have been paying into covers the cost of all the benefits they currently receive including healthcare, winter heating allowance, bus passes, state, pensions. They don't understand that many of these benefits will be long gone by the time my generation comes to claim them. I do not begrudge them as I know many of them suffered hardship after the war but I do think that the Government should assess people on need rather than these rather silly blanket benefits it currently hands out.

bauhausfan · 13/10/2014 11:20

I agree with you op. My inlaws and parents are similar - very well off, several holidays a year, new good cars, no mortgages but they seem to feel that we should struggle as somehow it is good for us and that we will come good in the end because that's what happened to them. As it happens, that won't be the case for people of my age (40) - we have never been well off and I can't see how we ever will be. We won't be inheriting their wealth on either side either.

magpiegin · 13/10/2014 11:22

Why are you fuming? Do you expect them to pay for you? A grown adult?

They are allowed to moan about finances to their child. It does sound like you are expecting them to support you.

bauhausfan · 13/10/2014 11:22

My mum, by the way, collects a pension/fuel payments etc despite having more money than she can spend and says she is owed it. She stopped working as a secretary at the age of 21 and did bugger all at home with us kids so I can't say she was a working at home mum either.

HoneyDragonMumshnet · 13/10/2014 11:22

But they don't know the meaning of the word financial issues

How do you know this?

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