my baby boomer parents are selfish and ungrateful

[yoofoftoday]

Had lunch with parents yesterday and left so fuming.

Mother complains about not being able to get a new car on finance and that her retirement income is only 28k after she retired early. Her current car is only 4 years old and she often uses her free bus pass (only free to her take payers have to pay for it along with the rising bus fares) as she doesn't was the BMW to get scratched in town. I barely can afford the bus and can't even afford a car.

Dad who gets his state pension but still works was complaining that he has to pay Ni and then wait till the end of the year to claim it back. Also complqains that now he gets his state pension has to up the amount in his private pension to avoid 40% tax. He only keeps doing this job as its easy and he works from home not doing much.

Uncle who sold a building plot to developers for a fortune ages ago and hasn't worked since said "oh your poor dad still working". When my dad is in perfect health and works from home paid a lot for easy work, basically on call 9-5.

Then my parents say they are putting their winter fuel allowance towards a 3d DVD player while I go home to my cold house where I only put the heating on if it goes below 16.

Nc but regular.

I do think a bit of compassion for the younger generations would be nice. I also think that they should see that it is NOT going to be the same for us and it's going to be even worse for our children.

YABU Some (not all) of their generation are definitely better off now but they had far lower expectations in their younger years.

They weren't so obsessed with 'stuff' as later generations. The money spent on entertainment, eating out, holidays, technology now, even at the most basic level, was unimaginable then.

My parents married, bought a house, didn't have carpets for several years. Didn't have a sofa until someone gave them an old one. When children came along they cut their cloth. Although I don't expect such a comfortable retirement as them, I certainly have enjoyed a much higher general standard of living throughout my life than them and haven't had their acceptance of 'going without' in my earlier years which certainly shocked them more than their comfortable retirement shocks me.

When I bought my first flat, aged 30, they were pretty horrified at my insistence that I had everything furnished straightaway.

Swings and roundabouts.

Sorry but every generation takes advantage of advances in technology. Always has.

Well I do sympathise a bit because my mum and dad used to spend, spend, spend and moan about the cost of everything despite being very well off financially.

Dad took early retirement on a high final salary, mortgage was paid off, plenty of savings. Mum spent about 2 hundred pounds a week on food that mostly seemed to get chucked in the bin and tumble dried every day even in the middle of summer.

But then dad got dementia, the money all went on nursing care, dad went into a home for several years then died and mum now gets only a basic pension. It has come as a huge shock to her, she has no idea how to cut costs. I have been helping her learn how to live on a tiny income I have plenty of experience there

YANBU to be sick of the moaning, but it's not all roses for their generation either.

Yanbu the sense of entitlement because " we paid our taxes" is shocking.

why would you want your parents to NOT have a comfortable life?

Why do people think this generation had it much easier than others?
For people who are young now the world will change so much before they are the age of their parents.
It is tough starting out and people always think the previous generation were better off.
I'm sure your children and grand children will think likewise and if you look after your money and manage it well your finances will be good when you are older.

Maybe not selfish, more misguided. Your parents should appreciate what they have, as many pensioners & other people don't have even half or a quarter of what your parents have but are happy with what they do have.

They've obviously worked hard and paid taxes all their lives. Most of the 'golden' pensions were devalued years ago. Whilst not quite a baby boomer, all my public and private sector pensions were altered to accommodate the fact such pensions remain unaffordable in the long term. I now cant get mine until I am 60, where as when I started work all those years ago I could have accessed it at 50. I also cannot get a state pension until I am 66.

The current generation always subsidises the previous generation, that is the structure of our welfare state.

I can only repeat what AMumInScotland has already posted, as it was exactly what I was thinking :

"Do they know that you can barely afford the bus or to heat your home?"

"If they know, next time they start on this tack stand up and say "I really find it difficult to listen to you moan when you know perfectly well how I have to live" and walk away."

"If not, then tell them. They may be selfish and ungrateful or they may just be dim and unimaginative!"

Well, do they know? Have you told them?

YANBU to be a bit at their complaints but there's not much you can do about it.

I have noticed a fair bit of entitlement from my parents' generation. Many of them had bleak post-war early childhoods and worked hard in low paying jobs from a young age. Their relatively low wages translated into quite a decent lifestyle including homeownership. That plus free higher education and a boom or two helped many of them into a very comfortable position.

They don't understand that the rest of us are working hard too, without the prospect of cheap housing and without having any of these benefits to look forward to.

I think someone who has retired on a 28k pension must have been a very high earner to begin with. She must have been on at least 60k so not an average salary and not an average pension.
I am a very late baby boomer, couldnt afford to have kids until i was 35 as I was paying a mortage interest rate of 15% compare that with todays rate my entire salary and some of my partners went on the mortgage.
In the 90's thousands of people lost their homes through repossession as they couldnt afford the high interest rates. And their was a period of mass redundancies and pretty much everybody who had a job in mining or manufacturing lost their livlihoods for life. So not so lovely for a lot of baby boomers,
As to day lots of winners and losers.

I think YAB a bit U. Not all pensioners are in the same boat though, you can't lump them all together.
My parents are well off in retirement, both having good final salary pensions. It is a bitter pill that they have more money coming in than we do working yet still moan a bit about having less than they did.
My in-laws are poor as church mice, only state pensions due to FIL losing his when his boss's business went bump. MIL never worked as BIL has severe autism and can't function independently (and still obviously lives with them). Their house is falling down around them, they have no central heating as they need a new boiler and can't afford one. We are not in a position to help them which DH hates.

I don't think there's much point harping on about past to be honest. Every generation has its highs and lows. I know my 20 and 30s were far from my parents experience. I traveled the world, partied hard, ate out all the time. It was ME that benefitted from free education, not my parents who in the 1950s/60s were expected by their parents to enter the working world and start taking responsibility. The cost of this is I am not nearly as prepared for later life and will be paying a mortgage til the day I retire.

We now need to think about the future and I think the message from us as parents needs to be much stronger that our children need to take responsibility for their own future at a much younger age than we might have done.

Regardless of the wider issues, it is very rude to moan about financial issues stemming from a high income ("it's such a hassle to avoid paying higher rate tax") to someone on a much lower income.

Do you parents know how stretched your finances are? Please tell them, and if they still moan tell them clearly that it upsets you.

Whilst they are not obliged to help the DC, I am disappointed that they would spend their winter fuel allowance on a frivolous item whilst they grandchild's house is cold. Yes their money etc, but where is the family compassion?

YANBU OP.

My parents aren't as bad as DHs. My parents do moan about bills etc but they have a tiny mortgage, two good incomes and obviously no kids to support now. They put so much away into savings and premium bonds, I know because my mum tells me, and she often has to empty the current account into the savings because it gets a bit full (whatever that means, I wouldn't know lol) but when the electric bill comes or the car needs taxed its all woe is me blah blah.

But DHs parents are very vocal about our lack of buying a house. They can't understand why we rent, why we have no holidays, and MIL comments EVERY time I am wearing new clothes. As though I should have bought a house with the money instead. They are mortgage free and received a very large inheritance, but MIL shops in Aldi and is bitter about it. I don't get it at all. We have seen her bank statement, as she needed us to explain some terms, and believe me, she doesn't need to shop in Aldi. Its good to save money, but if it upsets you to have to go to the cheap supermarket why do it unless its absolutely necessary.

YANBU. Last time we saw the PILs they were moaning about the costs of travelling to their second four-bed house in Normandy ten times a year. And then they grilled us about our lack of holidays as they genuinely can't understand why we've never been abroad together

My parents were small business owners and enjoy a modest retirement. They have worked extremely hard for what they have so I have no problems with them enjoying their holidays, etc whilst they still have good health. They do not have the advantage of a good pension - they have state pensions, a tiny private pension plus a modest amount from investments. However, being mortgage free and owning a small low maintenance home helps a great deal.

My MIL is truly fortunate to enjoy a healthy pension plus she receives income from a substantial sized inheritance. I hazard a guess that both she and my parents have far more disposable monthly income than us despite us having a relatively high household income. She also downsized from their large family home when her youngest effectively left home in their early twenties so was able to invest that capital to derive further income.

Fortunately, they enjoy good health and DH & I encourage them to travel and have good holidays which they do! I don't believe that they should be too concerned about leaving any of their children legacies - no-one is in dire need. Financial dependency is not what you should teach your children - I feel quite strongly about this having witnessed a family member living way beyond their means courtesy of parental indulgence and their sense of entitlement is completely OTT.

The Pinch: How the Baby Boomers Took Their Children's Future - And Why They Should Give it Back by David Willetts

there you go

written by a politician no less.

Of course there will be some who are having or have had a bad time, generationally though that is not the case. Just as because of events in their lifetime there will be those shopping at Aldi will high income and high savings.

Overheard a very funny conversation (it was very loud) once boomers were talking about their 4th overseas holiday of the year (and it was June) when the man suddenly started moaning to his SIL (son in law) that he was fed up of paying higher rate tax.

It is also worth pointing out that in a lot of cases they have not worked 'hard' for it, in the majority of cases the woman would have been home all day with no career (maybe frustrating but we don't get 'compensated' in life if it doesn't all work out the way we wanted it to) and it seems like we are generally talking about 'averageish' earners not everyone has Drs., lawyers, accountants and builders for parents do they!

Bet some of you don't realise that life expectancies are dropping too?

Jesus just be happy you have them they will die eventually and you will inherit the money and have no parents to moan about :(

YANBU.

In the week of DS1's 18th birthday, FIL rang him to say "we can only afford to give you £100 because times are hard!" Fair enough, but they had that same day spent £21k on a car, cash, and £7k on a sofa cash, so they were not actually very hard at all!

They bleat they never made as much as they would have liked out of MIL's parents house because they had to keep the heating on over the Winter so the pipes didn't freeze, as it didn't sell as fast as they would have liked.

Thanks to Zoopla, we know they have had over £275k from the sales of 2 houses, plus the savings of GILs. MIL has an NHS pension, she was employed by them for 30+ years, and FIL has a company pension. They holiday all the time, mainly on cruises, have iPads, iPhones, iMacs, a 50" 3D TV and the heating set at 28 degrees.

They have absolutely no idea what it is like to know hard times. They have never bought anything for our kids when it has not been their birthdays or Christmas and don't give DH or I birthday presents anymore because "they can't afford it"!

They are as selfish as fuck!

BTW I have an elderly relative who always moans about money massively, has a modest/average income no pension (as a part-time female employee she was excluded from the pension scheme but again disposable income way bigger than ours, as are assets since they are mortgage free and we are stuck in rented!

I think it is hard for young people these days but if you are blaming baby boomers you are looking in the wrong place.

Making it a goal for 50% of the population to get a degree when there arnt enough graduate jobs to go round. Making students pay 9k tuition fees plus loans is a hard start for life. Some might say that this is shortening the unemployment figures. can't get a job? go to university, at least you wont be on the dole queue for 3 years and youll be funding yourself for it instead of claiming benefit. Thats very handy for a government trying to lower unemploymeny,

Don't want to pay your workes a decent wage? let low skilled workers in wholl do it for less and watch your profits rise.
I blame the labour government who had massive opportunites to put in place vocational training and revive manufacturing'nt take them up and did not that any of the others are any better.
I think the reason why left wing polititions are so keen on the EU is that they can get nice jobs in the commission once they have finished being MP S and the Torys like the EU beause it is a fantastic source of cheap labour which keeps their mates making massive profits by paying the minimum.
David Cameron isnt a baby boomer.
Sorry massive rant didnt mean to derail.
Basically Lifes tough especially if someone close is doing ok and your not get any empathy,

would love to know what this easy work from home, 9-5,well-paid job is - and so would plenty of other people. Would also like to know how much a building plot went for to cover someone's costs for 'ages'.

good on your mum for using the bus, one less vehicle on the road, less pollution.

your anger is hurting only you. If you need their help, talk to them.

YANBU and I am honestly shocked at some of the snidey responses you have had on here.

Yes it's OK for parents to sound off to their children about their financial situation - but OP isn't allowed to on am anonymous online forum?!

When your biggest financial problem is what they describe and bit what you describe, I think they should have a little compassion for their child and her situation.