my baby boomer parents are selfish and ungrateful

[yoofoftoday]

Had lunch with parents yesterday and left so fuming.

Mother complains about not being able to get a new car on finance and that her retirement income is only 28k after she retired early. Her current car is only 4 years old and she often uses her free bus pass (only free to her take payers have to pay for it along with the rising bus fares) as she doesn't was the BMW to get scratched in town. I barely can afford the bus and can't even afford a car.

Dad who gets his state pension but still works was complaining that he has to pay Ni and then wait till the end of the year to claim it back. Also complqains that now he gets his state pension has to up the amount in his private pension to avoid 40% tax. He only keeps doing this job as its easy and he works from home not doing much.

Uncle who sold a building plot to developers for a fortune ages ago and hasn't worked since said "oh your poor dad still working". When my dad is in perfect health and works from home paid a lot for easy work, basically on call 9-5.

Then my parents say they are putting their winter fuel allowance towards a 3d DVD player while I go home to my cold house where I only put the heating on if it goes below 16.

Nc but regular.

Yeah ok I can see the way it reads, it wasn't what I meant. I just meant that when people are adults, life will work out how it work out, not that it's the OPs fault for the situation. Given the number of references to parents' spending its hard to think this is simply about the moaning.

No they don't.

But you sound envious...

beingsuper

She refers to the spending, because they keep telling her about it in that much detail.

Which is rude.

Knitted
I'll make sure to get a rich person to chunter away to you about how hard it is budgeting for the moat cleaning, or something.

I thought YANBU until this:

And how exactly will I benefit from them blowing their money on new cars and lavish Holiday s?

I do sympathise OP, as it must be irritating beyond belief to hear your parents moan about their financial "troubles", but they're not obligated to pay your way too. Unfortunately, if they want to spend their money on holidays and new cars, etc. then it's their money to spend as they please. I'd say YABU in expecting them to subsidise you.

"They've offered to loan me some money, I refused as they are controlling and i don't want to be in debt to them."
That's pretty much as I was expecting. OP, your parents are not selfish and ungrateful because they are baby boomers. They are selfish and ungrateful full stop. They'd be selfish and ungrateful if they were Victorian, Georgian, Generation X, Y, whatever. It is them, not their generation.

I think a lot of people on this thread are being incredibly unkind about their parents - presumably most of you may receive an inheritance some day - are you going to turn it down? I am delighted that my parents can afford a comfortable life style.

If your parents are thoughtless and mean with their money presumably they would be just the same if they didn't have any money? IYSWIM. .

But I do agree, as do my (wealthy) parents that winter fuel/bus pass etc could be means tested - why can't these payments be part of taxed benefits so that pensioners who do pay tax will be taxed on them? Surely it can't be that hard to administrate?

I find it very odd, all this jealousy towards the parents that provided you it sounds like with idyllic childhoods. Nice homes, SAHPs and no struggling with the bills. This isn't directed to anyone in particular.

I'd say YABU in expecting them to subsidise you.

I'm not expecting them to,I said that in response to someone that said younger people would inherit parents wealth.

Its me that is subsidizing them anyway, even though they have a disposable income I could only dream about.

Sorry, I misunderstood! That's fair enough, I would have only thought it was unreasonable to expect them to share their money.

My parents have much more disposable income than me, I've never begrudged it though. I've always felt that's normal at my age though, my mum has been working for years and I've only recently graduated.

I am sure there are vast numbers of people who depend upon receiving the winter fuel allowance but I do have to say that I have known many people 60 plus who simply do NOT need to get the payment as they are more than comfortable. It strikes me it should be given to the lower paid only and the money put to better use elsewhere e.g. those who ARE struggling pensioners.

We are more fortunate - my MIL and my dad are both retired and very well pensioned.
My dad gives us money for DD regularly and helps us buy major household appliances while my MIL gives away the maximum allowed (by HMRC) amount of cash to each of her children every year.

Both MIL and my dad say they are lucky and the best thing to do with their money is to help their kids. They both live well and don't go without. If either of them became ill us kids would all step in to do caring or pay for nursing care - it goes both ways.

My friend's in-laws are millionaires however and moan endlessly...

I think if you are sick of your parents you just say "you have retired on a higher income than the average working wage, stop whining".

I think one disease of having lots of money is to think you should always have more money - so it shows money doesn't make you happy.

I would just like to comment on some misconceptions on the baby-boomers.

"that generation had free prescriptions"
All those super-expensive drugs simply didn't exist then, so it really wasn't nearly the expense it could be now.

"cheap housing (whether that be purchase price or council house)"
A lot of it in poor condition - outside toilets, draughty, damp, no central heating. All those post-war houses that were thrown up and were unfit for human habitation within a decade. And of course it was easier for councils to plan their housing then, as people just didn't move around the country then like they do now.

"free uni education for themselves/their children"
Only 5% used to go to uni, not 50%. And it was seen as how society provided itself with doctors, teachers, engineers, scientists; as opposed to media studies and MBAs.

"free private school places for their children if they passed exams"
Can't have affected many people, never heard of that happening.

"frequently had only one full-time worker when children were younger"
Because it was still legal (and usual) to fire a woman on getting married, never mind waiting until she was actually pregnant. And outside of family members, childcare really didn't exist. Very strong social pressure to conform to that model, whatever the woman wanted for herself.

"they have far more golden passions than future generations will have"
Only because employers can't find a way to break the contract. Many pension funds were underfunded and folded, or just stolen by the likes of Maxwell. And anyone who moved jobs was often advised to move their pension to their new employer's fund by commision-hungry 'pension advisors', effectively turning a 'golden' pension into a pittance.

"free dentistry" as long as you like amalgam fillings and extractions if it looks too tricky

"free eye checks and glasses" ah - NHS glasses! In any colour you like as long as it's ointment-pink! Those glasses marked you out IIRC.

"longer life expectancy, a greater health increment compared to previous generations than subsequent generations have" Something to do with diet? Or the fact that what people survive now, they died of back then? Not really something to apportion blame for IMO.

"jobs for life" What, with all those recessions and redundancies? Tell it to the miners and the factory workers.

Yes, some baby-boomers did very well out of being in the right place at the right time and some of them are selfish wasters, but they'd have been selfish wasters regardless of their good fortune. Most didn't do hugely well, but they don't get talked about so much. Neither does the downsides of living through that era. I'm a tail-end boomer myself (born 1963). I am grateful to have lived in interesting times, but mainly I'm grateful to have lived AFTER the leading-edge boomers forged the paths of women's lib and human rights.

Lets hope they die off soon eh. Then you can cop the lot, and won't have your selfish old parents getting on your nerves anymore.

I wouldn't like to say a bad word about my parents with regards to financial status. They worked hard all of their lives and my ddad died on a Sunday, after a full week in work, before he ever drew his first pension. My dd was denied access to the university education he was bright enough to have because he felt like he had to go down the mine to bring in money for his family (no pressure from my gp's, he was a very dutiful son).

My DP have always been the people that my numerous aunties and uncles go to for extra cash (huge family) and my df was left out of his own parents will because it was said that he already 'had enough', he worked 7 days a week in a manual job and my DM also worked even though she was judged my family members for doing so. I must also add that my DP has been very generous to me and I have benefitted massively from their help although I never ask for money or take it for granted.

However, what does get my goat, is that some of my numerous aunties and uncles, who have never worked, never paid a penny into the system, see it fit to complain about immigrants 'taking our jobs' yet they feel entitled to grants, funds, benefits, pensions, free prescriptions, bus passes etc. Sometimes I want to scream at them that sitting on their backsides for the past 40-50 years does not automatically give the right to be so bloody ungrateful for a system which is actually very generous and means that they have a better standard of life now than they ever have before!

It might not be a popular view, but I do feel all benefits should be means-tested, including state pensions.

Both DP's & my parents get state pension (despite MIL never having worked after she had children, effectively retiring at 23!!), winter fuel allowance, free tv licence & bus passes.

We have a broadly same standard of living now, as they did in the 70's ie getting by, with no luxuries eg holidays, 1 old car, very little eating out. But they managed a pretty decent house on 1 salary; we have finally bought in our 40's, after years of renting. Our mortgage will finally be paid off in our 70's. We are both working.

MIL makes snotty comments about "women with young children working for foreign holidays & fancy cars" as that's what it was like in her day. I work to pay the bills, not for "extras".

Anyway, I digress.

But I suspect that the majority of pensioners are not well off. At least means-testing it would be fairer. But I can't see any political party doing that, as they'd lose the silver vote.

I know what you mean OP and it must be irritating, but there's nothing whatsoever you can do about it, apart from possibly say "Look, you do know you are relatively lucky don't you?" and hope they start to appreciate their position a bit more.

I know it's a total no-no on MN to admit to envy of any kind though, even though you are only saying what a lot of people think. Posters then fall over themselves to prove what wonderful, unentitled people are by trying to make you feel bad that you admitted feeling like this.

It's true. In many, many ways they're the most fortunate generation in history. If one is struggling, it must be extremely hard not to resent them a little.

YANBU OP, if they know your situation and are moaning to you, them being much better off. At least they should have some empathy for you.

But I am a bit horrified about your statement that you are paying for what they have now. Don't take it so personally, you and millions others are paying for it.

My father died when I was 22, never got to retire. Mother died at 63, never got to retire. They had nice home and good cars, we had holidays until I was 17, then they did hols alone until Dad died. We had loads of good food, but my parents scrimped and saved and when I reached 7th grade mom went back to work full time.

I did inherit but I so would love to have had them retire and enjoy the fruits of their labours. I would definitely just remind them you don't have it easy, and if they continue, stop going around as often.

I can guarantee that my parents worked extremely hard for their money. They have received no inheritance from anyone ( my grandparents didn't own property) and they really really struggled to buy their first home in the mid 70's and keep us all fed and clothed.

My dad did an extremely tough manual job, working outside in all weathers from the age of 14 to when he retired at 65. When we were young he took over caring for us when he got home so that my mum could go out to work evenings ( a babysitter covered the hour between mum going out and him getting home). Then at the weekends he did a window cleaning round!

Mum went out to work full time once I started secondary school and worked in a job that stressed her out so much it made her very unwell. .But it did make their financial situation much easier and allowed her to save for her retirement.

We were so relieved once they both retired especially as Dad had a heart attack five years beforehand.

As I said in my previous post I don't begrudge them their comfortable life one bit.

Today's retired people (whom I will be joining soonish) paid for the pensions and benefits of earlier generations.

I have done that all my working life.

So yes, I have a Freedom Pass although I could afford to pay fares. And yes, I will have the index-linked final salary pension that I signed for on the dotted line and have paid contributions for. And yes, when DW and I are gone if we don't need residential care we will pass on a modest inheritance to DS, and yes, we have had modest inheritances from my DM and DSF and also from MIL.

And I am not ashamed about it. Why should I be?

Surely pensions, state or otherwise, are already 'means tested' in the sense that they are taxed as income, just like earned income?

I don't get the thing about the OP's DF having to wait until the end of the year to claim back his NI. I continued to work after state retirement age, but though my employer had to continue his contribution, I no longer had to pay mine. Has this changed?

But as lots of people have said, it's not them being well-off that's annoying. It's when they moan about their lot to their DC, who can barely afford a shoebox to live in and have had their child benefit taken away, while their parents live in a mansion and spend their winter fuel payment on a mini break.

As I clearly spelt out, I don't begrudge my mum her money, and I don't want it, but would be thoughtful of her not to moan to me about having not enough space in her 5-bed palace. (btw she also moans that there isn't a spare room for her when she comes here)

The current generation (X/Y?) is the first generation that will be less well off than their parents. A little recognition of this by the baby boomers wouldn't go amiss.

The winter fuel allowance is absurd and should be scrapped so the money saved can top up the pensions of the poorest.

Anyone who complains that they have to pay 40% tax should wake up to the lot of people who don't have that particular 'burden'.

Yes, the majority of them had it so easy - don't think so, don't think so at all.

Tricky but the benefits aren't taxed as income - all pensioners get the winter fuel allowance etc - presumably Bruce Forsyth etc all get it .

Voyager - the child benefit has not been taken away from everyone - only from those couples who earn over £50k.