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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to mind DP saying our house is 'disgusting' and 'filthy'

122 replies

Meanderer · 12/10/2014 14:29

Caveat - he does the majority of the cleaning (including bins and also washing up) because I do most of the other housework (childcare, food planning and shopping, cooking, admin you all know what I mean!)

..so it's not so much that he's criticising ME - although I can't help but feel that a little maybe in either his and/or my subconscious that's part of what bothers me.

..but that he's calling our home - in front of our daughter - filthy and disgusting..

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/10/2014 14:32

Is it?

LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 14:32

Is it though? And what's wrong with the words filthy and disgusting?

googoodolly · 12/10/2014 14:33

Well, is it?

Only1scoop · 12/10/2014 14:34

Is itConfused

ChippingInLatteLover · 12/10/2014 14:35

What does he plan to do about it?

VermillionPorcupine · 12/10/2014 14:38

Was it a mess? Had he recently cleaned it and came home to chaos for instance?

I've been known to stamp my feet and have a similar kind of outburst (although not in front of the dc). I do the majority of the cleaning on weekdays from necessity because I work pt and dh is out of the house 8am-6pm for 5 days.

DH more than pull his weight he irons all the dcs uniform in the morning before he leaves and also makes their packed lunches (which I hate doing)...all done at 6am by him, every morning, when i'm still in bed. He also does all the gardening and diy and a fair bit of cooking.

Still...when I'm in work on his one weekly day off and come back to a pile of dishes or various other mess, it really gets on my tits.

daisychain01 · 12/10/2014 14:39

Without more context it's difficult to say whether those words are appropriate or not.

They sound hard-hitting but maybe he has a point. Were they said out of frustration, for example because he had spent time making the house look nice and the next minute, it was back to square one.

That can be quite demoralising!

Fullpleatherjacket · 12/10/2014 14:40

I think we need more background before we can answer.

JumpAndTwist · 12/10/2014 14:40

It's ok to call something filthy if it is your own responsibility to clean it. Self-criticism.

Was it a cry for help?

daisychain01 · 12/10/2014 14:42

I dont think there is anything wrong in being honest in front of DCs. It starts to show them that they cant just drop things down and expect their servants parents to clear up everything after them. Especially if both parents work!

NotMNRoyalty · 12/10/2014 14:49

If it's not filthy and disgusting he is BU

...but if it is filthy and disgusting then he is not BU. Confused

Personally I would hate to live in a mildly filthy andor disgusting house. It would make me feel very uncomfortable and on edge. I'm not fussed what others do in their own homes though.

Original poster
Meanderer · 12/10/2014 14:51

it's certainly dusty / lots of dust bunnies and maybe the loos could do with a freshen up. He says they smell though I can't smell it

It all depends on perspective - it's mostly what I would call 'clean dirt' ie not germy - no cat poo or rotting food or even rings round the bathtub. ANd it doesn't smell.

It's more the terminology - it's our home, I don't like it being referred to as disgusting.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 12/10/2014 14:52

Lots of dust and smelly loos is dirty in my book. Do you have a problem with your sense of smell?

Original poster
Meanderer · 12/10/2014 14:54

I asked him not to use that word but he compromised at filthy 'because it is' so he obviously feels strongly about it.

He's really bothered by clutter too

And has stopped drinking for 10 the last days and I think he's really finding that difficult so is like on permanent PMT..

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 14:54

Just this morning I spilt something on the floor and wiping up made it just more messy, and I said 'urgh disgusting'. It wasn't a big deal to DH, but to me.
I think yabu, you can't control what words your DH should use. And so what if your dd hears it? It's not a big deal.

LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 14:55

What you've described is something I would call disgusting and filthy if it was my home so he's not doing anything wrongConfused

BaffledSomeMore · 12/10/2014 14:57

Perhaps he's feeling frustrated that he's doing the cleaning and everyone else makes the mess. I have moments when it feels like I'm the only one who cares. Generally irrational moments apart from when faced with dd's room. But sometimes I do have a ranty moment.

Fullpleatherjacket · 12/10/2014 14:59

If he's Mrs Mop in chief how is he missing dust bunnies and toilets? Confused

gamerchick · 12/10/2014 14:59

Maybe he wants more help with the cleaning?

toomanykidstoolittletime · 12/10/2014 15:00

Instead of getting upset about it tell him if he thinks it's that bad to help you get it up to his standards. If he can smell the loos and you can't obviously he should be doing it so he can tell if the smell has gone or not.

bloodyteenagers · 12/10/2014 15:07

So if he's cleaning then why is there dust bunnies everywhere and a smelly toilet?
He is failing at the task he should be doing. He needs to clean more.

Having dust bunnies and a stinky loo is not clean. It is disgusting and filthy, and there is no reason for it. Regular cleaning takes care of these things. A quick wipe round every couple of weeks/months will be inadequate.

Keepcalmanddrinkwine · 12/10/2014 15:09

It sounds like he wants some help with the house. Maybe you could have a couple of hours on the weekend where you both muck in and get it done so that through the week it's just a case of keeping on top of it.

andsmile · 12/10/2014 15:10

Hey if he wants to declutter let him get on with it...direct him to minimalist blogs.

I dotn think those words are that bad but I'd explain to your DD that he didnt mean them literally as in v v bad.

Nancy66 · 12/10/2014 15:12

A loo takes 5 mins to clean - what's the problem?

Original poster
Meanderer · 12/10/2014 15:13

It's not that he's coming home and DD and I have suddenly made loads of dust or made the toilets smell (presumably that's his territory, being a bloke) - we just obviously have waaay different tolerance levels - for me disgusting is something like - the cat's puked on the floor, or that pool of mouldy stuff in the bottom of the fridge that occasionally appears. Dust doesn't look good and can even make my nose itch but is doesn't make me feel disgust. It's fairly harmless. It's a good job it's his job to clean huh else we'd REALLY have a problem.

OP posts: