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Original poster

to mind DP saying our house is 'disgusting' and 'filthy'

122 replies

Meanderer · 12/10/2014 14:29

Caveat - he does the majority of the cleaning (including bins and also washing up) because I do most of the other housework (childcare, food planning and shopping, cooking, admin you all know what I mean!)

..so it's not so much that he's criticising ME - although I can't help but feel that a little maybe in either his and/or my subconscious that's part of what bothers me.

..but that he's calling our home - in front of our daughter - filthy and disgusting..

OP posts:
funnyperson · 12/10/2014 16:20

It sounds like he is right.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/10/2014 16:21

By the sounds of it, it is you who is being unreasonable.

LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 16:24

Why aren't you helping him clean up a bit? You have a child, shouldn't you be more concerned she's in a clean environment rather than hearing the word 'filthy'.

Newdawnforever · 12/10/2014 16:25

It's very hard if one person is trying to clean while messy, dirty people leave a permanent trail of destruction behind them. That's too much for one person to keep on top of. Everybody needs to tidy and clean up after themselves, then he can get on with the hoovering, dusting and mopping so everything's clean.

There's no such thing as 'clean dirt', dirt is dirt and if it's so bad it's visible, overwhelming and smelly then it's very bad. You may be blind to it but other people won't be able to ignore it and it's extremely unreasonable to expect him to pretend that level of squalor is normal. It's not, it is disgusting and he obviously can't get on top of it. Help him by tidying up after yourself and teaching your child to do the same.

Greengrow · 12/10/2014 16:25

These issues are always just about differences between the couple. Tow messy people live happily together. Two tidy ones do (we were in that category - therefore no rows over cleaning or tidying). It is when one likes no mess and dirty and the other could not really care you get problems.

Try both of you never to go upstairs without taking up with you anything that needs putting away downstairs (we do that) and gradually you can make things tidier. It is hard to clean if things are out of place.

Secondly try to have fewer things at all - do a clearance to a charity shop.

Thirdly try to keep on top of cleaning once the place is tidy.

OwlWearingSunglasses · 12/10/2014 16:26

No reason to have smelly loos, at all. Doesn't take long to clean it.

SugarPlumTree · 12/10/2014 16:27

Just because you can't smell anything doesn't mean it doesn't smell, just that you have got used to it. A bit like people with dogs in the house can't smell the dog smell.

I also think he has a point.

VermillionPorcupine · 12/10/2014 16:29

Oh god Ithoughtofitfirst that made me feel ill. Did you have to mention the phlegm? [boak]

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/10/2014 16:36

I think what is bothering the OP is that her daughter heard (shock horror) the words "filthy" and "disgusting". I am guessing the OP may be a very "laid back" kind of person that goes with the flow and who doesn't get cleaning or see it as important.

However, if the loos smell and there are dust bunnies then those words are about right.

daisychain01 · 12/10/2014 16:51

Sorry OP, it does sound like your DP has a point. But I think it's a nice thing that he cares, has standards and is prepared to mention what he doesn't find acceptable.

It doesn't seem from your posts that he is ordering you to clean everything up ?

You probably won't see it that way but that's why you're asking the question I guess! Maybe meet him half-way and give a hand to clean away the dust bunnies.

Dust bunnies, I have never ever heard of them in my life!!! Every day's a school day on MN.

Triooooooooooo · 12/10/2014 17:17

Im guessing from this thread you're a sahm ??

If so you seriously need to pull your weight more, chez trio I do the vast majority that needs doing simply because my oh isn't here in the day plus it would be unfair for him to come home and tackle a load of jobs which don't take all that long to whizz through. I do it all other than sort through and put away washing (( too lazy )) sort recycling / bins and the occasional gutting of our bedroom (( untidy room bothers him more than me so I leave him to it )) it doesn't take all that long, I find 30 mins of jobs each day minimum keeps on top of it. Bathrooms / kitchens just clean as I go.

raltheraffe · 12/10/2014 17:21

I think you are lucky to have a dp who does the cleaning. My husband does jack and mess does not bother him one bit.

TalkinPeace · 12/10/2014 17:27

There is a house I visit for work where the carpets have never been vacuumed in the 5 years I've been going and the bathroom never cleaned.
The owner is lovely but seems not to see that other people flinch before they sit down and wipe the table before putting things on it.

SweetsForMySweet · 12/10/2014 17:59

Tell him if he's so unhappy, HE should do something about it then! !

Keepcalmanddrinkwine · 12/10/2014 18:02

Would people be saying the same if it was a woman posting that she was doing all the housework but finding it too much and the house was still filthy and disgusting? No, they'd say get your husband to help out a bit more. So help him out a bit more. Smelly toilets and dust bunnies= dirty house.

Bunbaker · 12/10/2014 18:03

"Caveat - he does the majority of the cleaning (including bins and also washing up) because I do most of the other housework (childcare, food planning and shopping, cooking, admin you all know what I mean!)"

Do you both stick rigidly to your own side of the bargain? Is there no give and take?

In our house I do most of the cooking and OH does most of the dishwashing, but it doesn't mean he isn't allowed to cook or I can't do the odd bit of washing up. We both do what requires doing.

DilligafMyUKIP · 12/10/2014 18:46

Caveat - he does the majority of the cleaning (including bins and also washing up) because I do most of the other housework (childcare, food planning and shopping, cooking, admin you all know what I mean!)

So he does all the heavy domestic stuff whilst you get all the fun stuff, waltzing round the chops and going to play group?

Food planning, is it a new chore, as opposed to looking in the fridge/freezer &/or slinging stuff in your basket in the supermarket. Is it something that requires hours of ponderance thus bringing it into line with 2 hours of ironing? "Household Admin" her's another task that bypassed me. Simple spread sheet. Ten mins a week max. How do these tasks somehow become gargantuan?

LadyLuck10 · 12/10/2014 19:46

I see food planning is a new 'chore' on here. It takes 10 min max to decide meals for the following week. And food shopping can be done in an hour. You seem to be getting the sweeter end of the deal.
Think you need to step up more, from what you've described the house does sound a bit grim.

Artandco · 12/10/2014 19:50

I sit on my sofa with glass of wine, order food. Get delivered. End. No planning, no shopping.

I have never done 'admin' either.

wooooosualsuspect · 12/10/2014 19:51

Dust and the loo needing cleaning is not disgusting or filthy.

wooooosualsuspect · 12/10/2014 19:53

I don't think he has a point. He sounds like a nob.

meisiemee · 12/10/2014 19:53

Do you work too ? Maybe he is hinting?

Bunbaker · 12/10/2014 19:58

"Dust and the loo needing cleaning is not disgusting or filthy."

We clearly have different standards. A dirty loo is disgusting and needs cleaning.

wooooosualsuspect · 12/10/2014 20:02

We clearly do. But then I don't do competitive loo cleaning on MN.

I think the OP is getting a hard time and posters are enjoying telling her, her house is filthy just a little too much.

JustShakeitoff · 12/10/2014 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.