To think that underage girls should need their parents permission to get contraception

[happypiggywiggy]

I think it's crazy that girls under 16 can show up at a family planning clinic or their GP alone and ask to be put on contraception without their parents permission. I'm pretty sure it hasn't always been that way and you needed your parents permission at one point.

My DD is only 10 but it scares me that in just four or five years she will be able to go on the pill without telling me or needing my permission.

I just think that if my teenage DD is going to be using something hormonal like the pill or implant or injection then I'd want to know so I can keep an eye on her and also be on the look out for any bad side effects she may have. Some women have a terrible time with hormonal contraception and I just think that when you're young having someone else keep an eye on you is a good idea iyswim.

of course you are bu.

The law says the age of consent is 16, not 14 or 15. So it seems interesting that GPs are allowed to enable teenagers to break the law.

It's like an exam for the hard of thinking, isn't it?

1. A 15 year old girl takes hormonal contraception. Which law is she breaking?

1. A 15 year old girl has sexual intercourse. Which law is she breaking?

1. Considering your answers to questions 1 and 2, which law is a doctor who prescribes contraception to a 15 year old girl enabling the 15 year old sat in front of him to break?

Meh,

My 15 year old asked me to help her access contraception.

The most risky thing to my dds Heath would be a pregnancy and would curtail her options and her life chances.

Of course I helped her.

Prescribing contraception is not enabling someone to have sex.

They can have sex whether they've got contraception or not.

thebody you must be so proud and so relieved you have that kind of relationship with your dd.

I hope I achieve the same.

The HCP are giving them protection.

He or she is not booking a hotel room or given them a how to have sex leaflet.

Until recently the age of consent in Spain was 13, so would it be ok to give a 15 year old contraception in Spain.

catscanttwek that seems so wrong that medication prescribed to you was regarded as 'contraband'. I don't know how old you are, but it doesn't seem to be correct practice at any time!

YABU

You are also being naive and possibly a little bit daft. A 15 year old is not one and a half 10 year olds. At 15 many DCs are under the impression that they are adults.

They will make decisions about their own bodies. You may not like these decisions.

Tough, live with it.

All you can do is have a dialogue with your DCs. Keep that dialogue going. Pepper it with facts.

Interestingly DCs and I were talking this evening. I gave them the latest stats on the efficacy of condoms. We talked about sexual politics. The conversation is just that. It is a dialogue. Parents forget that at their peril.

Giles thank you that's so nice although of course I might prefer her in bunches and just enjoying hockey and netball.

It was never going to happen. Ha ha

Prescribing contraception to under 16 y/o without parental consent / knowledge is a method of harm reduction - i.e. it reduces harm. This is a good thing.

Harm reduction as a concept has also given us needle exchanges and methadone programmes as well as more everyday stuff like seatbelts and crash helmets and sex education.

The idea behind harm reduction is that we are human and all humans sometimes engage in risky behaviour. If we can reduce the risk of harm it adds to the human good.

I'm another one who would have ended up pg at 15 without access to contraception. I don't think it is necessarily a parenting fail if those conversations are not taking place. My DMum was very open to talking about sex, it was me who found it cringingly embarrassing. I'm 45 now and my sex life is still none of her business (lovely as she is).

With my own DD, we talked very openly about sex when she was young and curious but once she reached the age she started to have relationships the conversation went something like this:

Me - have you ...
DD - YESYESYES I'M BEING CAREFUL SHUT UP I KNOW MUM!

I don't think this is that uncommon. There comes an age when they want a bit of privacy.

You just hope for the best and prepare for the worst!

That's parenting.

YABU (and I love Mumsnet for the overwhelming concurrence)

I would hope that my DD's would speak to me about contraception and won't just go to a family planning clinic.

But in case they don't, and before the get old enough for it to me an issue I am going to have to tell them that they can't take the pill or other hormonal contraception as they have a 50/50 chance of having Protein S deficiency which would put them at high risk of blood clots.

I have already started telling them that "Mummy has funny blood, there is a chance you have funny blood that goes lumpy too", they are 7 and 5, so hopefully one day when they are in a doctors office without me and get asked their medical history, they might remember.

Slightly off topic, but picking up a different point OP made, that of seeming so young at 10 and not knowing how she will feel when her dd is 14/15

happypiggywiggy

Recently I had a chat with my ds. It included talking about masterbation (not what it was, because he knows that, but just in general); porn (including what it was); how to react if someone should suggest he googled a word/term or gave him a link to a site/video (prompted by a thread I had read on here) sex; getting a girl pregnant (or not) - and when it would be best to talk to me (or someone) about having sex, before they dtd or when she was pregnant; options for when someone is pregnant, what the words meant, and how the choice was all the girl's, not the boy's (not disputing this, just giving him the fact); about how being a parent is hard at any age never mind as a school pupil. Not a long chat, and many topics to revisit but still a fairly explicit conversation.

He's 12.

2 years ago, I had done little other than answer questions as he asked them, honestly, but hadn't volunteered any information.

2 years ago, I would never have considered having the majority of the conversation I did at the age he is now.

2 years ago he was a child. Now he isn't. Now, the conversations need to start being had.

In another year or two, I will take him to the local FPC. I will show him where it is, explain to him what it is, quite possibly take him inside and see if someone there will give him a quick introductory talk.

I did not discuss porn, sex, pregnancy with him to get him interested and make him go and do. I will not introduce him to the FPC because I expect him to dtd under the age of 16. I did, and will, do because I know there is a chance he will come across these things/want to explore these concepts and I do not want him to do so without knowing where he can get support.

He may still be my little boy, but he is no longer a child, and the difference the last 2 years have made is amazing.

Just coming back to the point in your op, you are worried about the hormones and no one to watch out for side effects. I spent many years on hormonal contraception as an adult, and never realised the side effects I was suffering until I came off them, and nothing was pointed out to me by friends and family who knew I was on them, so I can only assume they did not make the link either. So even if you did know your dd was on contraception, she may still suffer side effects without you realising.

YABU. Some girls cannot talk to their parents about sex. If they are sensible enough to want to safeguard their futures and organize their own contraception they should definitely be able to access that.

I'm sure many of us knew girls at school whose parents thought butter wouldn't melt in their mouths while they were actually up to all sorts. One my friends had two abortions at 16. I had never even had sex but her parents thought I was a bad influence on her! My point is that you have no idea what your child could be doing in her mid teens so I wouldn't assume, and I'm certain you would rather she was secretly on the pill instead of announcing her pregnancy to you at 15 years old.

LRB978 - I think you are absolutely right. These are the types of conversations we are having with our teenage DCs. I think it is important to be having these conversations when they are largely theoretical and less personal.

We too made clear to our DS about how he has no say in what happens if a girlfriend gets pregnant. I do think that a lot of boys are not really clear on this.

It is fine in a supportive family with a parent that would support the dd's choices but what about a family which would turf the dc out rather than let her choose contraception or support her decision, or where there is abuse - not all teen girls have a loving family like yours.

Cant help but feel eugh at children having sex, sorry!

Fair enough -- but do you feel more or less eugh at children getting pregnant?

Yabu
Your dd at 14 will bear no resemblance to the dd you know now at 10
It doesn't matter what sort if relationship you have now. It can change in a heartbeat

YABU

I say that as the mother of 2 girls, currently 4 and 5.5 years old. I also say that as someone who knows that both of her sisters, and her own mother had underage sex (all at 15 with similar aged boys)

I also say that as a Health Care Professional. Health first. PFB way, way down the line.

Dh have joked that as older parents an underage teenage pregnancy is the best way for us to be active grandparents - but it was a joke. But even in our joking we acknowledge that sex is in our DDs' future and that we have no control over it. Not if we allow them any personal space and not be ultimate helicopter-parents. Asking to know of their contraceptive statue IMO is counterproductive in them having one.

Of course we are already explaining biology and boundaries. This will increase over time. One day I will sit them down and give them a suggestion for a set of instructions for life rules which will include 'use a condom' and 'in addition to the condom be on the pill'. They may be under secondary school age when we say this.

But landrover, 15yr olds are always going to be interested in sex. Some will just be interested, others will be doing it. Whilst legally they are still children, physically, emotionally and socially they are young immature adults. I want my children to be armed with as much knowledge and understanding as possible as they head into the scary world of adolescence.

I'm actually horrified at 16 year olds having sex, now. Way too young to understand or cope with the emotional ramifications, as well as the health implications at a point in life when you feel invincible. But I would far, far rather a child bound and determined to have sex can, if they are that bound and determined, obtain good contraceptive care so they don't have to contend with pregnancy or termination on top.

And a lot of these comments seem to work on the basis that all girls have fab parents, and also that fab parents can protect all girls from poor choices. Neither is true. It's a final stage stop for teenagers who are taking risks. And most of them, with good advice on STI protection and hopefully some good advice on sex ed in terms of emotions and pleasure (because I do believe a lot of teenage girls accept selfish and poor quality relationships because they're constantly told sex is dangerous and not that it should be lovely and if not, don't bloody do it) will make reasonable choices. Those who don't need protection.

I don't want my kids to be in cars with idiot teenage drivers. I will stress and stress how lethal that may well be. But as someone who was myself driven by others that way as a teenager, I am glad I had the sense to know to wear a seatbelt. I would suggest that banning access to contraceptives makes as much sense as cutting reckless driving in teenagers by removing seatbelts.

Ha, I was never interested in sex at 15, so not all girls are, thank goodness!

Perfectstorm, I'm actually far more worried about my teenagers getting into cars than getting into beds.