To think that underage girls should need their parents permission to get contraception

[happypiggywiggy]

I think it's crazy that girls under 16 can show up at a family planning clinic or their GP alone and ask to be put on contraception without their parents permission. I'm pretty sure it hasn't always been that way and you needed your parents permission at one point.

My DD is only 10 but it scares me that in just four or five years she will be able to go on the pill without telling me or needing my permission.

I just think that if my teenage DD is going to be using something hormonal like the pill or implant or injection then I'd want to know so I can keep an eye on her and also be on the look out for any bad side effects she may have. Some women have a terrible time with hormonal contraception and I just think that when you're young having someone else keep an eye on you is a good idea iyswim.

I was having sex at 15 in a loving and consential relationship. I was also on the pill and my parents knew nothing about it. Why did I need it? Because at 15 we weren't expert condom users- and I am of the HIV educated generation, we knew we needed them. Why not tell my mum? Much as I love her, we would never agree on sex before marriage.
The idea of having a 22 year old child now is terrifying, I am really glad my GP trusted me to make the right decision and helped me.
As a side point- I was given a smear test within a year of starting to have sex. Why do they now wait until 25?

OK, a girl under 16 is sexually active and does not want to get pregnant. She has a few options:

1. Talk to her parents, get their permission to get contraception, discuss safe sex, STI risk, being able to say no is she feels under pressure etc. Unlikely scenario in a lot of situations. The girl is extremely lucky if she has this option.

2. Girl can go to the GP or practice nurse or young people's clinic on her own and ask for contraception. She gets advice on different methods, receives counselling about STIs. She then has sex, like she was always going to do, but does not get pregnant.

3. The girl can just have sex and take the risk of getting pregnant, needing then to make the difficult termination decision, possibly going ahead with the pregnancy, dropping out of education, needing alot of support financially, mentally, physically.

I simply cannot understand the sentiment "girls should not be having sex under age so why are they being offered contraception without their parent's knowledge". The experts are not offering it to encourage sex. They are offering to put a stop to our ever constant problem of unwanted pregnancies. Yes Teenage pregnancy has declined over the last few years but abortion rates and repeated abortion rates and the use of emergency contraception is as high as ever. We cannot bury our heads in the sand. We can offer education, parents can support their kids with self esteem and making the right choices but not all girls have that support.

I went on the Pill at 16 because my periods were awful when i was 16 My mum found them in my room. And went tonto. Shes Catholic.

I met V. Gillick once on a chat show 14 years ago. She was also against women deciding not to have kids at all She didnt think women should have the decision to remain child free indefinately.

I still have the videotape of the show.

I've never understood the logic that underage sex is illegal so underage girls should not be allowed contraception. It seems somewhat similar to arguing that police officers should not be allowed stab vests because stabbing people is illegal.

A boy my ds1 was at primary with became a father at 14. Ds1 now knows where to get a c card from, ds2 is 13 and he will be getting the info soon

Dd is 10. I dont know if its possible to have contraception to prevent periods but as she is sporty it would make her life easier (when they start not before) but that seems as good a reason as any to me atm.

Before I get flamed, I havent needed any for 10years-yay dh- so I think I have some research to do before she gets to that stage.

I was older when I first had sex, I lasted until the age of 19! But had I decided to have a sexual relationship earlier, there was no way on earth that I would be telling my parents of all people!!

Yet, OP, I do understand where you are coming from, especially from a medical standpoint. But between an unwanted pregnancy and all the complications and problems that can arise, I still would tend to be on the side that if teens want reliable consistent birth control, they should be able to get it.

"I met V. Gillick once on a chat show 14 years ago."

The case that reinforced and extended the Gillick judgement has, possibly, the best title of a court case ever.

The Queen On The Application Of Sue Axon v The Secretary Of State For Health (The Family Planning Association: intervening) [2006] EWCA 37 (Admin)

You can read it here:

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed1583

It is a masterpiece of careful, humane, argument.

Y.A.B.U. With the best will in the world you're never going to stop a young couple having sex if they want to, so it's best that the contraception is there. Also not everyone can go to there parents. I couldn't. I think that's why I'm so open with my daughter.

May OP assumes that every girl has a great relationship with a loving, caring mother. I love my dd and I care about her but she wouldn't confide in me. I wouldn't have discussed this side of my life with my mother either. That was my choice actually. My relationship with my mother wasn't flawed, I just chose friends as confidantes. I was sensible too. Not having a close relationship with your mother doesn't mean that you'll make bad choices. And, if you don't have a great relationship with your mother then where's the harm in a GP havinng a quick scan of your file and subtly checking that all is well.

Actually I don't know yet that my dd wouldn't come to me. But as I didn't confide in my mother and I didn't want to as I had friends and was v sensible then I wouldn't judge my dd for not telling me everything. I'd want the gp to be supportive if she went to them at 15

I am very close to my mum but it's still awkward talking about sex with a parent. She's always been open with me but I still don't think at 15 I would have broached the subject. Especially as it would disappoint her ,even if she didn't show it, that I was having sex so young. I actually personally didn't have sex until I was nearly 18 but if I had been 15 I think it would have been way better for me to access my own contraception. I wouldn't have spoken to my mum either way and might have risked an unplanned pregnancy if the resources weren't available.

Fuck off.

At 12 I was going through tampons and towels at the rate of 1 an hour (1 of each). As I got older period pains got worse, by the time I was 16 I was throwing up every month, to the point my teeth were being damaged.

Because I didn't have access to my GP without my mother present I couldn't access the pill until then.

I finally went on the pill just before my exams and it was the best thing ever.

I was stopped from getting the most effective treatment because my mother doesn't believe in sex before marriage, therefore no contraception before marriage.

A child whose relationship with their mother isn't good enough to discuss going on the pill is at more risk of needing to, IMO. You seem to assume that all parents are good ones who mean their children well and prioritise their interests, which is not so. It's also the case that a rebellious teenage girl determined to have sex too young is best off without an abortion or a baby as a keepsake, because with any luck she'll grow up unscathed.

In an ideal world, kids would wait till a sensible age, and be close to loving, engaged and sane parents. In that ideal world, we'd never need contraception under age unless it was for medical reasons and those sane parents would be the first in line to obtain it for their daughters. But we don't.

Agreed you need to Google Gillick competency. And probably Victoria Gillick, too. Please note her daughter's teenage unplanned pregnancy, while you're there.

Like many others I think it would be better that a girl goes and gets advice on contraception - I hope that she would have access to advice on different types of contraception - not just the pill but free condoms, for example.

I only have sons and at the moment they're pretty young, but when they start thinking about sex I'd like them and any prospective partners to also have access to sensible advice. I don't want them to get anyone pregnant at a ridiculously young age.

In the 80s when I went on the pill the family planning clinic gave you boxes & boxes of condoms when you were given your pills. i think the generation who grew up with AIDS were aware of the need for both sorts of protection.

Very tough question. On the one hand, I would want to know if my daughter was sexually active underage. Let's face it, it is illegal. I would also hope that we would have the kind of relationship where she would talk to me about this openly.
On the other hand, if she was going to get into a sexual relationship and was worried I would be horrified ( she'd be right about that, though I hope I could keep that in reasonable bounds ) I'd at least like to know she was protected.
I'd be a bit upset. I don't think any parent likes the idea of their baby being a sexual being. I think I'd always go for safety though. Or a chastity belt and extremely high tower guarded by hungry dogs trained to seek out teenage boys with climbing gear!

If my underage daughter was in a position where she needed contraception to avoid pregnancy I'd want to know who the hell was abusing her so that I could put an immediate stop to it.

I think that many of the responses on this thread are very sad, they show why young British girls are so very vulnerable to predators. Young girls in places like Rotherham were targeted because they came from families and communities who couldn't/ wouldn't protect them and because social workers and the police are representative of a society that believes that children should be handed contraception and carry on so refused to protect them from engaging in their 'sexual rights'.

It's very important that parents know if their children are taking hormones, you can get blood clots from taking the pill, parents have to be able to know what the risks are so they can watch out from for them.

YABU.

If you have the kind of relationship with your daughter in which she feels comfortable talking to you about her sex life, she may well get contraception and talk to you about it voluntarily. In an ideal situation rules r.e. contraception shouldn't need to force young people to have conversations about sex with the adults in their lives.

If, on the other hand, you have the type of relationship in which your daughter doesn't feel comfortable having that conversation, and the rules were such that she had to have your permission to go contraception, she may well have sex without contraception, and get pregnant.

I know your initial OP was more about medical concerns (a young person on hormonal contraception should have someone keeping an eye on her) rather than "I want to know if she's having sex", but the two are so tightly bound up that it's difficult to separate them. It sounds like you would want to know so you could watch out for her health -- but some parents would want to know so they could tell their children that no, they can't have contraception because they shouldn't be having sex. And as many PPs have said, kids who want to have sex will do it anyway! The current rule protects children who don't have an ideal relationship with their parents.

YABU. You need to be questioning the sexualisation of our children first.

Welcome to MN, OP :)

If my underage daughter was in a position where she needed contraception to avoid pregnancy I'd want to know who the hell was abusing her so that I could put an immediate stop to it.
Really? And if she, on being harangued admits to a consensual relationship with a boy of similar age, what then?

Using Rotherham is a logical fallacy where this discussion is concerned.

If my underage daughter was in a position where she needed contraception to avoid pregnancy I'd want to know who the hell was abusing her so that I could put an immediate stop to it.

Yes, it really is that easy. They should put you in charge of social services.

But there is no abuse going on between to 15yr olds having sex that is an odd view to have a 15yr and 6 month girl is not be ing abused byher 15 yr olf 4month boyfriend is she