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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that underage girls should need their parents permission to get contraception

225 replies

happypiggywiggy · 10/10/2014 17:19

I think it's crazy that girls under 16 can show up at a family planning clinic or their GP alone and ask to be put on contraception without their parents permission. I'm pretty sure it hasn't always been that way and you needed your parents permission at one point.

My DD is only 10 but it scares me that in just four or five years she will be able to go on the pill without telling me or needing my permission.

I just think that if my teenage DD is going to be using something hormonal like the pill or implant or injection then I'd want to know so I can keep an eye on her and also be on the look out for any bad side effects she may have. Some women have a terrible time with hormonal contraception and I just think that when you're young having someone else keep an eye on you is a good idea iyswim.

OP posts:
BlastedChickens · 10/10/2014 18:29

Jeez...how much do I believe????

fluffyraggies · 10/10/2014 18:36

Same time as hugefurry upthread. I'd have been pregnant by 15 id i'd had to tell my mother i needed the pill! Jesus i'd have rather crawled over broken glass than have that convo.

I became sexually active at 14. I wasn't being exploited or abused. I was just a horny teenager. I understand that sadly isn't the case for ALL underage sexually active girls - but how does not handing over a packet of pills help them? The help they need will come from someone picking up the signs and acting in a professional manner to intervene.

As for family history of illness, health risks etc - even back in 1980something, when i rocked up alone at 14 to a random clinic asking for the pill, i got a proper sit down one to one with a health worker who went through what i need to know, and if i didn't know - what i needed to find out, and why, and only then got the box of pills (and a hilariously huge paper bag full to the brim with packets of condoms. Seriously it seemed as if there were enough in there for the whole of West London for a weekend Grin)

Eastpoint · 10/10/2014 18:37

1982 I think. I know it wasn't an issue in 84.

AnyoneForTARDIS · 10/10/2014 19:11

If underage sex is meant to be illegal why is it OK to give contraceptives to underage girls. This contradiction should be tackled for a start before there can be any clarification on this subject.

^^ This

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2014 19:18

They were back in the news last year can't remember why maybe it was him being in ukip but I recognised her first

batgirl1984 · 10/10/2014 19:23

On the issue of the legality of underage sex - I work in a field that works alongside social care. I was having a chat with my Dad (in light of the Rotherham 'revelations') and he was shocked that if 2 teenagers are having underage sex, social services and the police don't do anything. I thought this was common knowledge else the youth offender institutions would be bursting at the seams!
I do think if it were at least investigated for vulnerable 13-15 year olds that might protect some kids, but I don't know how it would work in practice. How to you tell a horny teen from an exploited one?

Aherdofmims · 10/10/2014 19:24

Yabu! And this topic is old as the hills.

poolomoomon · 10/10/2014 19:28

Yabu.

13/14/15 year old daughter either is sensible and gets herself on the pill/has the implant or she's not so sensible and gets herself pregnant. Hmm which one would I prefer? 14 year old pregnant daughter or 14 year old on the practically harmless pill? Hmm

I would be upset my DD didn't feel comfortable with telling me she wanted contraception more than anything but super happy she was being responsible and sensible.

Devora · 10/10/2014 19:30

I went on the pill in 1978, at the age of 14, without parental permission. That was at a Brook clinic. They talked to me about my motives, about whether I was being coerced, they gently encouraged me to tell my mum. And then they prescribed the pill.

That was good practice then and is good practice now.

Devora · 10/10/2014 19:31

And I should add: nobody WANTS their underage child to be (a) sexually active, or (b) on hormonal contraception, particularly without their knowledge. But having a teenager is a process of accepting them gradually moving out from your circle of influence, no?

Devora · 10/10/2014 19:33

Just to add the obvious: one reason why underage girls need to be able to access contraception without parental consent is because it might be the parent who poses the risk of pregnancy.

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2014 19:34

My eldest didn't tell me she was on the pill I found them in a drawer (I was putting clothes away not snooping).
I was quite hurt she didn't tell me I thought we had an open relationship I then spoke to a friend about it she said to me but her sex life and contraceptive is private and I guess at 16 it was. Dd2 tells me everything she isnt as private as her sister. So I think if they are a bit shy or private or just don't want to tell their mum they are having sex then being able to go to get contraceptive is a good thing even if they are 15. The pill used to be only available for married women and I think their husband husband had to give permission can you imagine that these days

Mrsjayy · 10/10/2014 19:36

My eldest didn't tell me she was on the pill I found them in a drawer (I was putting clothes away not snooping).
I was quite hurt she didn't tell me I thought we had an open relationship I then spoke to a friend about it she said to me but her sex life and contraceptive is private and I guess at 16 it was. Dd2 tells me everything she isnt as private as her sister. So I think if they are a bit shy or private or just don't want to tell their mum they are having sex then being able to go to get contraceptive is a good thing even if they are 15. The pill used to be only available for married women and I think their husband husband had to give permission can you imagine that these days

Trills · 10/10/2014 19:37

YABVU and naive

Not all parents are nice or reasonable or sensible or intelligent.

Many parents are none of those things.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/10/2014 19:38

Just to add the obvious: one reason why underage girls need to be able to access contraception without parental consent is because it might be the parent who poses the risk of pregnancy.

^ This.

KierkegaardGroupie · 10/10/2014 19:38

Having been a teacher and been made aware of how many girls are sexually active by 14 I am glad it is this way- what 14/15 year old wants to talk to her mother about this-this will prevent a lot of unwanted pregnancies.
It may be not what you want for your daughter but by 14/15 teenagers really do do what they want or their friends are doing in my experience.

Dawndonnaagain · 10/10/2014 19:40

YABU.
Contraception should be available to all who ask, when required.
I had a note on my dds files stating that I gave my permission if they asked under 16. They didn't, they came to me and asked me to go with them, both at 17. However, had they been sexually active at 14 and not wanted to discuss it with me, they both knew the contraception option was available. Rather they finished their education without a pregnancy to deal with, thanks.
Apart from that, you can't guarantee that they will want to discuss things with you. Personally, I think it should be available in schools.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/10/2014 19:42

YABU.

Every human being on this planet should have access to free, safe, contraception. No exceptions.

VermillionPorcupine · 10/10/2014 19:42

I'd be pretty upset to find out my dd was on the pill. If your teenager is actually practising safe sex then the pill is largely unnecessary. No need to be pumping themselves full of hormones at that age...in most cases.

cantbelievemyeyes · 10/10/2014 19:43

If underage sex is meant to be illegal why is it OK to give contraceptives to underage girls. This contradiction should be tackled for a start before there can be any clarification on this subject

How anyone can not understand why underage males or females should have access to contraception is completely beyond me. This is a perfect example of why requiring parental consent for the issuing of contraception would be a terrible thing.

How exactly would anyone go about tackling this 'contradiction'? An age of consent isn't going to go away, and giving contraception to those below this age is not going to become illegal- so I'd be intrigued to know what might be done?

Trills · 10/10/2014 19:46

If underage sex is meant to be illegal why is it OK to give contraceptives to underage girls

If injecting drugs is illegal why are there needle exchanges?

SuburbanRhonda · 10/10/2014 19:49

Or abortion clinics?

pointythings · 10/10/2014 19:55

Mrsjayy Victoria Gillick's other half was in the news last year all over East Anglia because he described teenagers in care as 'takers' from the system.

Such a nice caring couple they are. Hmm

I would hope my DDs have the kind of relationship with me that means they feel they can come to me about contraception. I hope they don't choose to have underage sex, obviously - but I'd rather they did it safely if they went down that road. Parents need to focus on fostering that closeness, not on trying to control their children's sex lives by having the law changed back.

There are a heck of a lot of teens out there who don't have supportive understanding parents - as pointed out above, it might even be their own parents who are posing the threat of pregnancy. Confidential access to contraception is vital for this group.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 10/10/2014 19:57

"If underage sex is meant to be illegal why is it OK to give contraceptives to underage girls."

This is why underage girls need to be able to get contraception without parental permission -- because there are parents seriously asking questions like this.

And there's no "clarification" needed; the law and associated guidelines are now very clear.

needyoumorethanwantyou · 10/10/2014 19:58

I went on oral contraception aged 15 without parental involvement.

Several months before that I had a termination without parental involvement following a violent rape.

I did have to meet two Drs (actually, I think it was more than that but it was a long time ago!) and they were convinced by my own (dangerous) efforts to self-abort and my abject terror that my Mum would find out that; a termination without parental consent was necessary to prevent further deterioration of my physical and mental health. And it was performed at my request with me understanding what was happening and therefore giving informed consent. I have never regretted it.

Over 20 years later I still would not want my family to know what I went through. Not because I think they would be unsupportive but because they would be completely devastated.

I was consensually sexually active at 14 (before the rape and I always used condoms). If I'd have known I could access oral contraception without my Mum knowing, I would still have been raped but wouldn't have become pregnant and had to deal with all the consequences of that.

I have known many people male or female who were sexually active from a young age. One couple I know were having sex at 12 and had their first child at 15.

It happens very frequently and in my opinion, young women and men should have access to contraception without the knowledge of their families.