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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a girl

153 replies

daisiesandpoppies · 09/10/2014 21:01

Due next month.

I haven't had the gender confirmed but am almost positive it's a boy.

He'll be loved and adored, don't worry, but I have to admit given completely free choice I'd have chosen a girl, if I could.

Has anyone else had this? Was it ok when baby was actually born?

OP posts:
squoosh · 10/10/2014 13:29

Think of all the rubbish people you know.

Some have a penis, some have a vagina.

Think of all the great people you know.

Some have a penis, some have a vagina.

PenguinsIsSleepDeprived · 10/10/2014 13:42

OP- You mention the whole MIL thing. I've thought about that a lot. I think a lot of that is to do with the patriarchal family set ups we often have. Who organises the family diary - generally women. Who does most childcare - generally women. Who knows most about what the children will do and enjoy - generally women. So, so many men as semi-engaged with their own families that of course the MIL is then a step further removed. The best, best possible way you can improve that for the future is to raise your son to be an amazing husband and father. Smile

naty1 · 10/10/2014 13:57

I wanted a boy. The girls in our family are very difficult.

I had a girl (via ivf) and she is pretty difficult though not so much as her aunts.
I was dissappointed at the scan, probably more so as i knew we were highly unlikely to have another.
Girls seem more boisterous as toddlers. Boys a bit soft. But its like they switch at a few years old.

My parents had 2 girls and now 3 granddaughters. I feel sad for my dad, though no guarantee a son/grandson would have liked football.

It is still a mans world and i think easier for men than women, also wouldnt wish all the periods and childbirth on anyone.

Girls are expected to love pink, doing their hair and clothes and if you dont you can find you dont fit in. Though i guess men have limits on what they usually wear too.
Things like noticing women being picked for jobs by their looks rather than intelligence. Hating wearing silly girly uncomfortable shoes.

I guess inwouldnt want a stereotypical boy either

rebelfor · 10/10/2014 14:00

will happyly hold my hand and still demands a kiss goodbye at school gates, even though he says his friends make fun of him for it he says "i dont care, your my mum and i love you so why shouldnt i give you a kiss goodby

(Big teary gulp)

Aah lovely boy Smile

TinyTear · 10/10/2014 14:01

if people feel so strongly about a specific sex why not find out? then you have 20 weeks to get your head round the idea...

somewherewest · 10/10/2014 14:01

In my experience the sort of older women who complain about their sons and daughters-in-law being distant are often the sort you just know are MILs From Hell.

I always find these threads interesting because back home in Ireland the mother-son relationship is stereotypically the biggie. The adult son still in thrall to The Mammy is very much an Irish stereotype!

I wonder if some British women subconsciously distance themselves from their sons quite early on because "of course sons aren't close to their mothers" and "of course mothers and sons won't share interests the way mothers and daughters do". It just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy Sad

squoosh · 10/10/2014 14:02

'I always find these threads interesting because back home in Ireland the mother-son relationship is stereotypically the biggie. The adult son still in thrall to The Mammy is very much an Irish stereotype!'

God yes, Irish men and their mammies!

harrowgreen · 10/10/2014 14:02

YANBU. But I wouldn't worry: the baby will be its own person, irrespective of gender, and soon you won't be able to imagine it any other way.

I was convinced that DC#1 was a boy and got DH to check she was a girl at birth (I somehow thought he knew more about medicine than the consultant who delivered her...). The moment I held her though SHE was my baby, not this floaty, unreal dream-baby I'd had in mind throughout my pregnancy.

Whilst you're pg you imagine a million and one things about your eventual baby. I've found that the instant you meet your baby in the flesh, you forget all those dreams and that real-life baby is your baby and always has been. I look back to my daughter's pregnancy and OF COURSE it was always her in my tummy: I just didn't know it at the time.

Spidergirl77 · 10/10/2014 14:04

I wanted a girl very badly, I had been open about my preference. People were horrified! No one though it was a good idea to want a girl, FIL even said you will be dissapointed as if anyone could be dissapointed

I had a girl. Then a boy. I love them equally.

People often have a preference and just lie. Why? Maybe so that no one knows they really wanted the other gender.

somewherewest · 10/10/2014 14:05

Just wanted to add that I can see a friend of mine doing this already. When ever they go on holiday her 2yo DS is invariably sent off to aircraft museums or whatever with the DH, while she takes the two older DDS off somewhere else. Its very much based on her assumptions rather than the DS's actual preferences!

Spidergirl77 · 10/10/2014 14:06

I did find out, so that I had time to think about it not being a girl, if it was a boy.

Thruaglassdarkly · 10/10/2014 15:01

I wanted a girl first and second time, thought I was having a boy both times, but got two girls.
I'd have loved them if they'd been boys and just as much as I do.
But yes, you can't help what you want. YANBU.

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 16:46

You may not 'fondly want anything' ,daisies, but others do. Why have a gender preference if you are not imagining anything? It wouldn't matter.
People want a girl because they have expectations of that girl.

Frikadellen · 10/10/2014 18:57

I wanted a girl 1st time and 2nd time and got one both times. With no 3 I wanted a girl again but got a boy..

he is almost 13 I adore him and wouldnt want my life without him. However I still look at him sometimes and think OMG HOW did you get a BOY??

(got another girl 4th time around and actually was more inclined to a boy then but not as strongly as the other 3)

Ludways · 10/10/2014 20:24

My ds (13) has just come downstairs, he's grabbed himself a can of coke from the fridge, walked into the lounge and sat on top of me, gave me a massive cuddle and said "I love you, Mammy!". He's now using me as a back rest while he plays on his phone. I can hear dd singing in the other room. I'm the happiest mother in the world right now!

I'm not bothered about gender, they're just perfect and unique as they are.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 11/10/2014 00:03

I only had one expectation of a girl, that she wouldn't like fucking vile hateful, pointless football (which DH can't stand).

You can guess what Olympic event DD2 had us go and see.

The women's football!

DD2 is actually my more girly DD, DD1 is into water sports and science.

Albertatata · 11/10/2014 01:33

Honestly once your baby arrives he/she will become so much more than their gender it really really really doesn't matter. Enjoy the last bit if your pregnancy x

Sapat · 11/10/2014 01:43

I have two boys and they are lovely. DD on the other hand is seriously hard work. I am so glad that we don't get to choose though!

Bulbasaur · 11/10/2014 01:56

I wanted a boy and had a girl. I can't imagine having a boy now. When you have your baby, whatever the gender will just feel "right" when you hold them the first time. Also there's nothing girls can do that boys can't.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/10/2014 02:39

I have 2 lovely DSs, I was very emotional for about 5 days when I found out about Ds2. DS1 kept hitting his Df, saying he'd hurt me. I love the bones of both of them. I love just watching them and how they interact and learn. I'm now having a DD, if all goes well, and am wobbling a bit about it. I know my DSs and it feels strange to get something different even though I wanted a DD. I hope that she grows up as clever and funny as her DBs, she will be a force to be reckoned with.

I've already had the "princess" comments from people, ugh, and a friend said to me oh boys are great but girls are awesome (she has 2) that made me feel so sad for my boys, and thought, you obviously don't know my sons.

You can't help your emotions and feelings on the matter and just have to get on with it either way. Tbh, my mother I think despised having a DD, jealousy and what have you, she should never have had me. I am determined that my DD will be supported and loved for whoever she is and whatever she looks like.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/10/2014 02:41

ludways your DS sounds great! My DS1 is so loving and writes me little notes and the other night dS2 fell asleep stroking my hair. Bliss.

sleepywombat · 11/10/2014 03:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OlderMummy1 · 11/10/2014 03:52

I wanted a DD the first time around (after years of infertility and losses) and got a DD. Looking back it was stupid as I should have just been grateful to finally get a baby. Second time was a DS. We had genetic tests early on and so I found out over the phone when I was about 12 weeks pregnant. My husband was delighted. I cried in disappointment. I'm glad I found out as I gradually got used to it over my pregnancy. I now love every inch of him. He is adorable and a million times easier than DD was. She took a lot of looking after a fussing with. DS just sits there and goes with the flow. If anyone so much as looks at him his face nearly cracks he smiles so much.

Sicaq · 11/10/2014 14:28

Someone earlier mentioned disgust at the thought of a boy ... I don't have any children so no idea about these feelings, but just to say I have heard other women in RL express fleeting weirdness and slight discomfort at the thought of their body producing a little male body - I think Lucy Mangan wrote about this briefly in her book.

But the feelings were ALWAYS fleeting, that's the important thing. Not sure if this is what the PP meant, just thought it was worth saying that she's not the first person I've heard say something like this.

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole · 11/10/2014 14:41

Dc1 wanted a girl got a boy
Dc2wanted a girl got a boy
Dc3 wanted a girl got a girl!

Would now like another of either but dp says no

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