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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a girl

153 replies

daisiesandpoppies · 09/10/2014 21:01

Due next month.

I haven't had the gender confirmed but am almost positive it's a boy.

He'll be loved and adored, don't worry, but I have to admit given completely free choice I'd have chosen a girl, if I could.

Has anyone else had this? Was it ok when baby was actually born?

OP posts:

1charlie1 · 10/10/2014 01:06

When I was pregnant I wanted a DD, and had a DS. He's so lovely and wonderful, I wish I'd never expended any mental energy on 'preference'. If we have another, I won't waste a second thinking about it. I'm so lucky to have my gorgeous DS, and feel a bit sad that I ever wanted something 'not him'.

toobreathless · 10/10/2014 01:07

Have two girls.

Would have liked a mix and hope to have a boy at some stage.

Don't prefer girls over boys or vice versa but I do feel that you get a different parenting experience (whatever people say) & selfishly I want to do it all

LetTheRiverAnswer · 10/10/2014 01:25

I have a preference for girls so much as I just expected to have girls. Two girls that played together and enjoyed arts and crafts. I have 3 boys that have taken three years to even begin to consider playing together. Its been a learning experience .
They do like arts and crafts though.

LetTheRiverAnswer · 10/10/2014 01:26

*didnt

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/10/2014 01:49

Fish. Why would having a boy disgust you. What's wrong with boys.
I have a dd and a nephew and I can honestly say I could not love him anymore if I'd given birth to him (I wont say my own because he is my own)
He's my little prince. and the way you get mummy's boys, well he's an auntie's boy.

Turquoisetamborine · 10/10/2014 02:50

I have a darling boy who is so loving and kind. I see him as my child not really as a boy, I love him for who he is. He's just tidied up my shoe cupboard for me FFS, how could I not love him!!

Now expecting much wanted IVF baby and couldn't give a toss what I have. When you've waited three years, you genuinely don't care about such fickle things.

Leela5 · 10/10/2014 03:51

Just lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks after 14 months ttc.

Yanbu to want a girl but a healthy baby is more important, regardless of sex and some of us would give anything for that. I am sure you will adore your child regardless, good luck OP and congratulations

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 06:48

As soon as the baby is born you really won't mind and won't be able to imagine anything else.

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 06:50

It is best not to hope either way when it is going to be 50/50- then you won't be disappointed.

wonderingsoul · 10/10/2014 06:53

i wanted a girl both times , but i have two boys, and i hate to admit it now it did take a coupke of days of disapoinment to g o.

but if i could go back in time and pick, i wouldnt. i love having my two boys and wouldnt change them for the word.

i still get broody and if i was to have another i would like a girl.. becasue as shallow as it is i love the pretty clothes, possabity of a daughter relationship, but if it was to be a boy i would be just as happy, no disapointment.

combust22 · 10/10/2014 07:04

I wanted a girl first time around-all girls in our family so I didn't know much about boys.

When my son was born I was disappointed for about 4 seconds until this beautiful little bundle was put in my arms.

Second time around I realy didn't care as having a baby boy was such a joy. I had a girl next time and was delighted, but I would have been equally happy with a boy.

My son has been the cuddliest of my two children over the years.

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 07:07

People get so caught up by the mother/daughter relationship that they ignore the mother/son relationship, which is different but very strong.

aprilanne · 10/10/2014 07:11

i personally did,nt care and i have 3 sons .who are wonderful ..my hubby was a bit dissapointed .in fact a big bit ..he really wanted a girl .a little princess .for daddy to spoil .well tough he got three princes

Titsalinabumsquash · 10/10/2014 07:17

I'm having my 4th, early days but I have 3 wonderful sons and I'm already passed off with the constant "you must be desperate for a girl!" Erm no...

Someone has even said if this one is another boy they'll expect another announcement of a 5th a year later to "get my girl."

Tbh, seeing a few friends have 2+ boys and then have a girl I dint want a girl purely because of the reaction of others, the comments about shopping, finally having a princess, dresses and frills. Their sons fading into the background as picture after picture of their daughter dressed up like a doll appear everywhere.

I have no doubt in mine and DP's to love and raise a daughter in the same way as our sons but it's other people that have but a downer on it for me.

I hate these threads, it's so sad that sim many babies are born into this world already being seen as flawed or wrong just because of what's between their legs. Some people should be ashamed.

confusedandemployed · 10/10/2014 07:18

I really wanted a girl. REALLY wanted one, can't explain why. I got my wish too, although I'm sure I'd have loved her if she'd been a boy.

HoVis2001 · 10/10/2014 07:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fishfingerSarnies · 10/10/2014 07:30

I really wish I didn't feel like this it scares me, I didn't expect to, I've a got a dd so expected to be happy with either.
I'm sure what ever I have I will love to death I'm really hoping these feeling of fear are just a little bit of antenatal depression due to how sick ive been.
A lot of it is fear of how to raise a boy into a man, I can't draw on any experience I don't know what boys have to deal with on that journey. With a girl I can empathise with the shit storm that is puberty.
I grew up in a very female family, I have a half brother but he is a lot younger than me so we didn't grow up together.
The only boys a have really know are my cousins and watching the way they are with my aunty make me so sad, they are rude and selfish and out for what ever they can get. Deep down I know that's due to the way they have been raised but I think it's coloured my judgement.

SenatusPopulusqueRomanorum · 10/10/2014 07:37

I wanted DC3 to be a boy. We did everything we could to have a boy (special diet 3 months before TTC, trying to conceive on ovulation, not before...).
She is a fantastic little girl and I don't love her less than if she had been a boy.

ocelot41 · 10/10/2014 07:42

I also secretly wanted a girl and took awhile to bond with my DS for other reasons ( traumatic birth, chronic reflux etc). He is now 4 and I adore him.

I think I was a bit panicked as I come from a big family of girls and associated having girls with having really close intimate relationships. The men in my family have been, at best, fecking useless and at worst bullying drunks.

So after I had a little weep I took it as a good opportunity to raise a boy who knows how to have close loving relationships and who values and respects women. History doesn't have to repeat itself!

So just let yourself feel how you feel, think about where that is coming from, and do your best to sort it out so you dont project too much baggage onto a baby.

foreverton · 10/10/2014 07:42

My friend is pg, already got a dd and is desperate for a little boy, as is her partner.
Scan this week confirmed its another little girl, in her words she is "gutted"
My 11 yr old ds overheard the conversation and said something along the lines of " well at least the baby is healthy, you should be grateful for that "
What he said seemed to put things into perspective.

It's ok to want one or the other and as you know it won't make any difference once the baby arrives.
Hope everything goes well:)

PacificDogwood · 10/10/2014 07:49

YANBU to feel whichever way you feel. We all do

YwouldBU if you were to let those feelings affect your baby.

I strongly dislike these threads too - upsetting to people who struggle to conceive, don't change anything about how people feel and there's nothing anybody can do about the sex of their child.
I get gender disappointment, I really do, but I am not sure I have a huge amount of sympathy for it tbh.

katienana · 10/10/2014 07:56

I had a slight preference for a girl but had a boy and now can't imagine anything else. he is very very boyish and I love it, we have so much fun and he is so affectionate, it's wonderful. also its nice to be the only girl in our little family!

Rainicorn · 10/10/2014 07:59

I dislike threads like this because boys always seem to be a consolation prize.

I have three boys, love the very bones off them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Tits. I get asked all the time when I'm having another so I can finally have a girl. I don't want any more dc, my family is complete. One mum at school,often tells me how my life won't be complete until I have a dd. It's comments like this that hurt the most.

ocelot41 · 10/10/2014 08:01

The thing is OP it isn't really about being reasonable or unreasonable. You clearly have some strong feelings about gender - disgust is a really powerful word.

Suppressing those feelings probably isn't going to help much. Owning them, not judging yourself for them and trying to sort through what they mean could be a really good thing for you and your baby. Even just being aware that those associations exist in your subconscious is a great first step. Would you consider a short course of counselling?

Delphiniumsblue · 10/10/2014 08:01

I don't understand it in that I think people have huge expectations of that child rather than realising they have an unknown quantity and they may be nothing like expected! It is assumed that the DD's personality will fit the mother's personality and they will be best friends as adults - that is just luck.

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