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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a girl

153 replies

daisiesandpoppies · 09/10/2014 21:01

Due next month.

I haven't had the gender confirmed but am almost positive it's a boy.

He'll be loved and adored, don't worry, but I have to admit given completely free choice I'd have chosen a girl, if I could.

Has anyone else had this? Was it ok when baby was actually born?

OP posts:

Tinkerball · 09/10/2014 21:39

Its always the same on these threads anyway, mainly its girls that come out as the "favourite".

Whatutalkinboutwillis · 09/10/2014 21:40

Yeah I had a secret desire for a girl and my www boy appeared, could not have cared less. Fast forward to adopting our second child everyone assumed we would choose a girl. We adopted a 2 year old boy. Couldnt imagine a girl now!!! You will love the bones of them the second they are born regardless of what is between their legs xx

Iggly · 09/10/2014 21:42

but the thought of a boy disgusts me

Steben · 09/10/2014 21:43

I wanted two boys, got two girls - not in the slightest bit disappointed either. Consciously decided that I didn't want to find out gender in case I was sad/disappointed in the outcome. Can honestly say when they said it's a girl I was over the moon and have not felt a scrap of disappointment since. Hope everything goes well OP.

Jenijena · 09/10/2014 21:44

I was the same as you, didn't have a gender scan result as worried result would make me sad; the moment he came out I wasn't surprised he was a boy; I was surprised I didn't care one bit at all. You will be fine.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 09/10/2014 21:47

What do you think you can do with one gender that you can't do with another?

littlepeas · 09/10/2014 21:55

I am one of two girls and felt a bit nervous of having a boy - I had a boy first, then a girl and then another boy. I can honestly say that their genders do not matter to me at all - they are just my lovely children. Having a ds first cured me - once I realised how amazing it was to have a baby, I had no preference at all in subsequent pregnancies.

somewherewest · 09/10/2014 21:56

I think some women assume that a DD will want to go on long shopping trips with them and natter about clothes and make-up. Then they get a DD like me, who loved lego and dinosaurs and would've happily spent her entire childhood in the same ratty Scooby Doo t-shirt and threadbare jeans. I would've been a severe disappointment to anyone dreaming of pink and princesses .

jellybelly701 · 09/10/2014 21:56

I really really wanted a girl but found out at 26 weeks it was a boy. I still love him all the same and looking back I honestly don't see why I cared about which gender I got first. I do still want a girl one day, but for now I am more than happy with my perfect little man.

StitchWitch · 09/10/2014 21:57

Been there. Could only have one more baby for health reasons and I was desperate for a sister for PFB DD. I had a sexing scan because I didn't want even a moment of disappointment in the delivery room. I had my moment of disappointment when told it was a boy, but had come around within a few minutes.

I worship and adore my son and have never for a moment regretted his gender. He loves me unconditionally and is far easier than his (lovely) sister at the same age.

Darkandstormynight · 09/10/2014 22:01

I don't think YABU. But I do think, as you said, that you'll love your son to bits as well!

When I got pregnant (not going to give gender here) with dc, I really was favouring one gender over the other. We were not going to find out until the baby was born. Of course, I'd do the same as you, I'd love whatever I got for sure. But I started somewhere around 4 months of referring to the baby as the gender I was hoping I Wasn't going to get. We had names picked out and everything, and during that time I so convinced myself I was going to have the 'other' gender that I was really looking forward to it!

I know that sounds a bit (or more than a bit) mental, but I was just preparing myself in case I gave birth the the gender that I wasn't preferring. Of course, as it happened, I got the gender that I 'really' wanted, which shocked me! Like I said, it was all a head game so I wouldn't be 'disappointed' with the gender I got. It all worked out fine in the end, I would have been happy with either a boy or a girl!

CarmineRose1978 · 09/10/2014 22:10

I wanted a girl so badly, but found out at the 20 week scan that I'm having a boy. Tbh, I was crushed. It took a little while for me to get over it but now I love the idea of him, if that makes sense. I do sometimes get a pang when I see pictures of my friends' baby girls, or see little girls running around on their way to school etc. I'm hoping the next one will be a girl, but I know (because of the way I feel about my son now) I will love another boy too.

LST · 09/10/2014 22:15

Wow I can't imagine feeling that a baby boy would disgust me... I feel very for you if I'm honest

PiperIsOrange · 09/10/2014 22:15

I wanted boys both times, the thought of bringing a girl into this sexiest mynistic world filled me with dread. I have a DD and omg she has a voice and I will teach her that as a women she can do anything she wishes ( same with DS)

Op have a look on this website it may help

www.in-gender.com/Forum/Forum.aspx?ID=6

Original poster

daisiesandpoppies · 09/10/2014 22:22

aermingers, I'm not choosing to feel disappointed or worried.

But thank you all :)

It is silly. He'll be absolutely beyond lovely I know :)

OP posts:

Somanyillustrations · 09/10/2014 22:27

With DC1 I refused to find out the sex. I was desperate for a girl, and didn't think I could cope with finding out I was having a boy. I didn't even choose a boys name until I was a week overdue Second time round I cried for 2 days after finding out I was having a boy. Now he's here I couldn't love him any more. He is so, so perfect in every way, and I feel so lucky to have them both.

Emphaticmaybe · 09/10/2014 22:47

With DC one really didn't mind, felt like I was having a boy and then had a boy - fell in love immediately.

Second pregnancy was twins and I really did hope there was at least one girl in there just for variety - had 2 girls very happy.

Fourth child - felt a boy would be great to even it out, had another girl - wonderful.

I'm not sure I have any point to make other than wanting a boy or girl when you are pregnant doesn't have to have any bearing on how you feel when they arrive - they're just thoughts it's how you respond to your actual child that matters.

Ludways · 09/10/2014 23:17

I wanted a girl first time, got a boy, wanted a boy second time, got a girl. Love the bones of them.

DM had girl so wanted a boy second time, she got me and cried for 3 days. We laugh about it together, it's never bothered me as I know wholeheartedly that I'm loved, that's what counts.

CromerSutra · 09/10/2014 23:23

I really wanted a girl. I pretended i didn't feel like that because I felt embarrassed about it. I can't really remember why, I think I just imagined us having this lovely, close relationship like I have with my mum. My brothers are lovely but they're not that close to my parents.

Anyway I did have a girl and it is even more lovely than I imagined. However, I teach infants and know that the boys and girls are all equally wonderful and fascinating and individual so had I been able to have a second I'd have loved a boy and had add been a boy I know I'd have adored him!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/10/2014 23:59

I hope you get what you wish for o.p. However I am going to throw a bun whether people are pleased or vexed or what.... When you decide to have a baby it's got to be because you want a baby, not a certain gender because you cannot guarantee you'll get what you want.
This is not just directed at you o.p but I have never and will never understand how anyone could be disappointed in their own child.
Also why are a lot of women against having boys. Boys are adorable.

bigjimsdiamondmine · 10/10/2014 00:08

I was desperate and completely convinced I was having a boy. I chose to find out at the scan, and have to say I was shocked and disappointed to be having a girl However that disappointment lasted about two hours, and then it went away and I was just as attached as ever to my lovely bump. As it turns out I'm glad we found out at the scan, I felt odd, emotional and sketched out for a long time after the birth (that would be the heroin diamorphine), so the shock of her being a girl when I was so convinced it was a boy would have probably affected the bonding. I absolutely adore my girl now, if I had more kids I'd probably want another girl, just because dd1 is so lovely (odd logic I know), but the point is the brain is not always rational so no yanbu silly or unreasonable to want a girl, its just how you feel.

WanderingTrolley1 · 10/10/2014 00:27

fish, what is it that disgusts you about having a boy?

That's a very sad thing to see.

AllotmentQueen · 10/10/2014 00:45

I hate these threads

AGnu · 10/10/2014 00:55

When pregnant with DC1 I was convinced I only wanted boys. DS1 came along so that was going according to plan... Then while pregnant with DC2 I realised that I'd be a little, disappointed isn't quite the right word, if it was a girl so spent a lot of time focussing on all the good things about having a girl, mostly that I'd get to experience both genders & find out for myself if there was really much difference if they're raised in a fairly gender-neutral way. I was disappointed at the scan when it was confirmed we were expecting DS2! Weirdly enough though, out of our 2 DC, DS2 is the one I bonded with more easily!

I think I would still like a girl. DH is done with having any more though. Maybe he'll change his mind in a few years & I'll get my little girl to dress in dungarees & send up trees with her big brothers! Or maybe I'll have another boy & be completely surrounded by them!

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 10/10/2014 01:02

fish I hope you are ok?

Your comments were so strong that maybe you should talk to someone about your feelings.

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