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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send my son to school in his sister's pink raincoat.

130 replies

Oakmaiden · 09/10/2014 08:51

What with the fact he is raining. And has lost his raincoat. And left his school coat at school - again.

I have offended his dignity. WIBU to hope that this will spur him to remember his coat in the future?

OP posts:
MiddletonPink · 09/10/2014 18:12

If he was fine wearing it I don't see a problem.

Ds is 8 and wouldn't have worn a pink coat to school and I wouldn't make him.

superstarheartbreaker · 09/10/2014 18:46

It would have been no coat for me...but then again other people would find it druel. You cant win im afraid.

superstarheartbreaker · 09/10/2014 18:47

Cruel

HamishBamish · 09/10/2014 18:49

YABU. You humiliated him and you know it.

Fullpleatherjacket · 09/10/2014 19:02

YWBU and unkind.

Kaekae · 09/10/2014 19:05

My 7 year would not do it so I wouldn't even bother suggesting it at age 9!

EatingMyWords · 09/10/2014 19:23

It sounds like he's OK with dealing with a bit of teasing Grin

My 6 YO son has a pink lunchbox (chosen by him) and got teased for it last year (Y1). Another boy told the rest not to laugh and my son carried on taking his pink box even though I said he could have a different colour if he wanted. In fact he's still got it now.

hercules1 · 09/10/2014 19:26

Interesting that people think it would be humiliating for a boy to wear someone designed for a girl. Like insulting someone by calling them a big girl. The more people, like the op, who just give a coat to a child to wear regardless of colour the better.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 09/10/2014 19:34

Well it seems it was done as a sort of punishment; Aversion therapy to treat his forgetfulness. And i think thats a bit mean. And it didnt work.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 09/10/2014 20:49

Well, no. It wasn't done for that purpose. It was done because he needed a coat to wear. But then I thought, well, if he doesn't like it, maybe it will spur him to remember in future.

But having a coat to wear was the main thing.

OP posts:
revealall · 09/10/2014 21:07

YANBU.

Surely it depends on where he's at school. Nice small village primary wouldn't care less in my experience. Small number of boys all friends. He'd just say he was wearing his sisters coat cos he forgot his and who cares by morning break.
Slightly larger school where it's a bit cliquey and it might be a problem. Although as someone up thread pointed out if kids can laugh at themselves it's hard to bully them anyway.
And he's 9. Even year 6's round here don't give a stuff what they wear, girls, haircuts ( unless too short) whatever. Sorry for you people that have teenagers at primary school.

DancingDinosaur · 09/10/2014 21:15

Completely agree hercules.

It seems a bit sad really that people think that boys wearing pink is humiliating imo. Because its allegedly a girls color. Confused Why is that? Is it humiliating to be a girl then? Wheres the equality in all this? Its not a great message to be passing to our children. We clearly don't live in more enlightened times thats for sure.

moaningminnie2 · 09/10/2014 21:37

YABU to humiliate him like that.

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 09/10/2014 22:00

This thread will be one of the pieces of evidence I hold up when I ban pink (in a mythical future when I'm in charge of the world).

I don't even know where to start on how sad this thread has made me, as I stare down the barrel of steering DD through a world where a fucking COLOUR can get you bullied at school. Yay for us, all creating a world like this for our kids Sad

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 09/10/2014 22:18

What makes me sad is that people seem to think that the onus is on the victim not to wear pink, etc, in order to prevent themselves from being bullied.

Although, I actually think (regardless of this thread - where I accept that most people think I was unreasonable, unkind, mean, and a very sub standard sort of mother)that my children are reasonably well adjusted in this respect. My daughter is not a girly pink girl, although she does sometimes choose to wear pink because it is a colour. My son is not a rough tough boy's boy -- he is just himself, and enjoys his ballet every bit as much as he enjoys camping with the cub scouts.

And their school seems to be full of nice children who in general accept one another for who they are. My son insists there are "no bullies" at his school - which I don't actually believe, but it is nice that he feels he has never seen it happen.

So whilst I may make a different choice if this situation arises again, ?I don't think the choice I made has actually done any harm.

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 09/10/2014 22:37

Why would you make a different choice though if it happened again?

PuffinsAreFicticious · 09/10/2014 22:47

I take it then that his penis didn't fall off, he didn't become gay or any of the other dire consequences that wearing a pink coat might have on a boy.

This thread is fucking depressing. A boy wearing a pink coat is just a boy wearing a pink coat. All of those children spoken of in this thread who are mean, never forget and bully boys in pink coats are brought up by parents who go onto websites and tell other parents that putting their son in a pink coat will get them bullied. The onus isn't on the bullied child to not get bullied, it's on the bully and their parents to stop being arseholes.

DancingDinosaur · 09/10/2014 22:49

The onus isn't on the bullied child to not get bullied, it's on the bully and their parents to stop being arseholes.

Yes ^ to this. A million times over!

BookABooSue · 10/10/2014 07:47

This thread wasn't about the right of a boy to wear a pink coat. No-one argued against a child's right to wear the colour that they wanted Hmm

Posters argued against the implied punishment of making a boy wear a pink coat in the hope that would make him remember his own non-pink coat.

LadyLuck10 · 10/10/2014 07:55

Gravitas dramatic much?

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 10/10/2014 08:52

Not particularly, no. Have you read the thread Lady?

sparrowno1 · 10/10/2014 09:00

It almost sounds as if you were using this situation to prove a point about gender, but that's not your ds's fight at 9 years old.

My 16 year old ds wears pink occasionally, but that's his choice. Personally I wouldn't force a 9 year old to wear pink to prove a point.

Only1scoop · 10/10/2014 09:01

I thought the same as soon as I read it....op how many times have you mentioned his ballet classes....

dreamerdoer · 10/10/2014 09:03

Obviously no-one wants their child to be bullied - but to some extent I see my job as raising my children to be able to stand up for themselves and shrug off nasty comments, rather than tip-toe around trying to avoid bullying.

Absolutely agree with this. Sad how many parents in this thread are raising kids to believe that they should police their behaviour to 'avoid' bulling. It doesn't work and its a terrible way to live.

Parents should be teaching their kids that anyone who thinks its 'humiliating' for a boy to wear pink is an idiot, not agreeing with it.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 10/10/2014 11:35

Only1scoop - twice - and in response to being told that I was gender stereotyping my children by letting my daughter have a pink coat.

I am sure there are ways in which I do encourage my children to follow gender stereotypes, I am, after all, a product of our society as much as anyone one else on this thread. But I felt entitled to defend myself from the accusation by pointing out that my children are encouraged to do activities which lie outside the perceived gender norms, and that the children at their school don't feel inclined to bully him for that behaviour.

Ballet is the obvious thing my son does which is 1, outside a gender norm and 2, something his friends are aware of and don't see a need to bully about. So it seemed pertinent to the discussion. After all - those who say that sending him to school in a pink coat would make him a target for bullies might also (in fact SHOULD also, if they are being consistent) claim I should not allow him to go to ballet for the same reason.

Thus is was actually quite an important point for me in arguing that I didn't think the children in his class would bully about the coat, since they don't care about the ballet.

sparrow - I actually wasn't expecting the thread to go so strongly in this direction at all. I have been surprised (and a little shocked) at how many posters are outraged at the thought of a boy wearing a pink coat. SO it has become a discussion about gender, but that wasn't the initial point at all. The initial point was that it was a pink coat, he didn't want to wear it, was I being mean. I have been told "yes". The conversation which has arisen from that was not really anything to do with the initial situation. I didn't sit down and carefully weigh up my views before handing him the coat.

DancingDinosaur - I guess because I have been roundly told I was very wrong, and that even though my son has pretty much forgotten all about it, I guess I don't want to be considered a mean parent either by other parents or more importantly by my own children.

OP posts: