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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send my son to school in his sister's pink raincoat.

130 replies

Oakmaiden · 09/10/2014 08:51

What with the fact he is raining. And has lost his raincoat. And left his school coat at school - again.

I have offended his dignity. WIBU to hope that this will spur him to remember his coat in the future?

OP posts:

User100 · 09/10/2014 09:23

Or Chandon - maybe the op let her children choose which raincoat they would like without subscribing to any particular philosophy?

DiaDuit · 09/10/2014 09:23

Go to poundland today and pick up a few of their two-pack raincoats or ponchos. 50p a coat and you wont give a shite of they lose them. Handy for spares. They have blue, yellow and pink as far as i remember.

andsmile · 09/10/2014 09:24

Well I can see you r point but tbh where my DS is concern I woudnt want to poossibly subject him to any teasing as he has had a rough time of it. But if you feel your son is robust enough to bounce back then fair enough.

Keeps him dry and warm.

I dont think children are far enough down the non gendered colour things to dimiss this.

I buy traditional girl/boy colours gender and identity are so much more than our clothes.

bellybuttonfairy · 09/10/2014 09:25

It does annoy me as its only a colour. It shouldnt matter...

However, its not about if its ok for him to wear a pink coat. Its about - are you happy for him to be seen in it by his friends and for him to be teased horribly for it?

Kids can say some pretty nasty stuff. A boy wearing a pink coat would br great fuel for a bit of bullying....

LadyLuck10 · 09/10/2014 09:27

At 9 yes don't be ridiculous. You might not care and he may just go along with it but he will most probably be teased or stand out. Do you really want that for him?

Bluetone · 09/10/2014 09:33

If I had tried to force any of my ds's to wear a pink coat at 9 years old it would have resulted in a lot of tears and upset. Getting wet is suitable consequence for leaving his coat in school. Making him a target for ridicule just isn't nice. As much as everyone bleats on about how 'it's just a colour' 9 year old boys would jump on this straight away.

velocitykate · 09/10/2014 09:38

I think at 9 he is old enough to take some responsibility for his stuff and bring his coat home from school. If he's left a coat at school and lost another and a pink one is the only one available, then it is not unreasonable to give him a choice of pink coat or get wet.

Original poster

Oakmaiden · 09/10/2014 09:38

Thing is - I don't think he will be ridiculed. I just don't see it happening. He does ballet ffs, and none of his friends bat an eyelid. He is a popular, confident little boy, and he can change into his proper coat as soon as he gets to school. All he needs to do is ridicule the coat/blame it on me and it becomes a non issue, really.

And that is assuming anyone saw him, which it is entirely likely no-one did.

However, perhaps I should have more care for his dignity. We will have a chat about it when he gets home tonight.

OP posts:

Mandatorymongoose · 09/10/2014 10:15

I'd have sent him in the pink coat too OP.

I don't think that one walk to school in a pink coat is going to lead to him being terribly bullied. Possibly a bit of gentle piss taking which will remind him to bring his coat home but bullying tends to be a more complex issue than just 'you wore a pink coat once so now we're going to bully you'. If he was being targeted by bullys then they'd find a reason no matter what he was wearing.

drudgetrudy · 09/10/2014 10:25

If he was really upset about it then YABU-he would probably rather have got wet! Did his classmates see him?

Its sad that this is an issue but it is>
I worked with children-a ten year old boy told me that it "destroyed" him to be called a girl.
Horrible that that's the case but I wouldn't put my son in that position

SkinnyDipChunkyDunk · 09/10/2014 10:30

I wouldn't have done it.

We are all guilty of forgetting things, I can't say that I would want to shame myself or my children if they did the same. Yes it's a pink coat, no I shouldn't be seen as just a girls colour but if I knew that my son would feel humiliated at school there is no way that I would dream of watching this happen.

ReallyTired · 09/10/2014 10:36

I think you risk setting your son up for being bullied for the rest of his school career. I realise its frustrating when children leave their coats at school, but sterotypes about boy colours and girl colours die hard.

Wait until they get to secondary then its next to impossible to get them to wear a coat of any description!

BookABooSue · 09/10/2014 11:19

What colour of cost was your DD wearing today? If I could have avoided putting DS in a pink coat then I would have done so. Childten can be cruel.

Aherdofmims · 09/10/2014 11:24

My dd would not be allowed a pink raincoat as it does not match the uniform! (misses point)

Is quite tricky to find plain blue black or grey without getting complaints that the fit is wrong as from the boy"s section.

Artandco · 09/10/2014 11:25

Yes I would. Most can pull it off tbh

Although saying that ds1 worn pink jeans yesterday. With black doc martens, black jumper and a black batman hat. He looked like a boy for sure and the jeans were brought for him from boys section of store

merrymouse · 09/10/2014 11:28

It depends on your son. You know him and you think any teasing will be light hearted and manageable so it is a reasonable consequence.

I think that if you really thought he would suffer you wouldn't have suggested it.

merrymouse · 09/10/2014 11:29

bullying tends to be a more complex issue than just 'you wore a pink coat once so now we're going to bully you'.

Agree.

Pistone · 09/10/2014 11:30

I'm just amazed he agreed to wear it, did he not kick up a fuss?

butterbeerfloat · 09/10/2014 11:56

It was unfortunate as it is something that would be easily teased about if seen by the others but your child needed a coat and you provided one - good mother.
Really was the only option under the circumstances. You couldn't very well have him walk in the rain without a coat on, that's neglectful and he could've gotten poorly.
It was only one time, even if he was seen and laughed at I'm sure it'll be forgotten by next week when someone else has done something more embarrassing.

Littleturkish · 09/10/2014 12:04

In my extensive experience, children bully those children who cannot laugh at themselves.

It's a pink coat. It's that or get wet.

You totally made the right choice, OP. Believe it or not, most children are lovely funny things, who would laugh at the coat situation WITH your son.

I hope he brings his own coats home now!

Celestria · 09/10/2014 12:12

Oh fgs. Ywnbu op. It was torrential rain and he needed a coat.

My ds is six. He forgot his coat. And his other coat. And his other coat. He got sent to school in his sisters blue but fluffy jacket with the rain we have just had. Came home with his coats. Job done

Sixgeese · 09/10/2014 12:15

If it make you feel better, I warned my DS (also aged 9 ) that if he left his rain coat at Cubado on Saturday (there is no parking at the site, so the cub leaders have to walk them to a green the other side of a very busy road and we have to park 5 minutes plus away the other side of that - so couldn't remind him to pick it up), that he would have to wear his sisters rain coat for school on Monday.

He was going on a school trip to spend the day outside in Epping Forest orienteering all through the rain, so needed a rain coat not just a light mac.

He did remember his coat (for once), so was ok for the trip, then left it at the swimming pool during school swimming lessons on Tuesday.

One day he is going to leave it somewhere I can't retrieve it from and he will end up in his sister's coat - hopefully that will help focus his memory.

LayMeDown · 09/10/2014 12:25

I don't think YABU to put him in a pink coat. But I wouldn't do it because I don't make my kids wear clothes they don't like. I would have had to straight jacket my 6 year old into a pink coat and I simply don't have the inclination to enter into that sort of battle. I would put an old coat of his, or his dads or mine instead. Or a big jumper and bring a change of top so he can put a dry one on when he gets there.
It was the simplest answer, so if he had been OK with it that's fine but I wouldn't make him if he wasn't comfortable to do it.

FloatingPorpoise · 09/10/2014 12:30

Wow, it is interesting how this thread has such differing views. Obviously no-one wants their child to be bullied - but to some extent I see my job as raising my children to be able to stand up for themselves and shrug off nasty comments, rather than tip-toe around trying to avoid bullying.

It sounds like your son will be fine OP

5madthings · 09/10/2014 12:32

There is nothing wrong with putting g him in a pink coat.

What is wrong is doing it as a punishment and thus reinforcing the idea that pink is for girls and bad and somehow inferior.

If it was presented as its raining here's a coat to wear that's fine.

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