Please be constructive as even doing this AIBU has taken a lot of bravery! I've namedchanged but am a lurking regular - penis beaker, cutted up pear, naice ham, TEKL. Yada yada.
I am in a long term relationship with three children. My DP is a lovely man, he works hard for us, he's a great dad, he's a considerate partner. He suffers really badly with BO.
It's not a constant thing, it's sometimes worse than others, but has been an ongoing issue for the ten years we have been together. I have spoken to him about it several times, each time he will make more of an effort for a while then things go back to where they were before.
He's not filthy, he has a really high metabolism and is quite a hot person who sweats a lot, which I think is contributory, but he just doesn't shower enough and doesn't wear antiperspirant consistently. Over the years I've bought him all manner of different ones including Mitchum and one that's supposed to be super duper effective and was really expensive - he doesn't wear them properly.
He works in a customer facing role and it must be noticeable in work, I know his manager has brought it up with him at least once and I feel it now must be affecting his work prospects. It is affecting our relationship as I don't really want to be intimate with him, and if he doesn't shower before bed I can't even sleep facing him. I do not want to always be the bloody hygiene police and constantly have to try to find ways of telling him to have a shower without upsetting him, he gets defensive if he thinks I'm saying he smells, but how many ways can you say "If you pop and have a shower leave it running for me afterwards will you?".
I'm constantly embarrassed and stressed about this and it's making me miserable. How can I raise it - again - and get him to actually take what I'm saying on board for more than a few weeks?