Really annoyed at Someone parking in a Disabled Bay who is definitely not disabled!

[daisychain01]

I'm normally quite a placid person, who goes about her business and doesn't interfere with other people, but Im absolutely fuming.

Im staying at the Travelodge for two nights, last night was my first night, tonight is my second. When I arrived in the carpark yesterday evening, I was walking towards the entrance with my bags when I was nearly run over in the carpark by a woman in a BMW, texting on her phone while driving, trying to find a space.

It stopped me dead in my tracks! Anyway she then proceeds to drive straight into a disabled bay next to the entrance, obviously there to make it more accessible to a blue badge holder.

She got out of her car and I walked up to her. She was still on her phone, yabbering away, but looked at me. I said very politely, "um excuse me, but do you realise you are parked in a disabled bay .." To which she said as bold as brass "yes I know". So I just thought maybe I will cut her some slack, maybe she will check in then move her car.

I mentioned it to the receptionist and she didnt really want to know, because the parking belongs to the Toby Carvery next door. Out of curiosity I nipped out before going to bed and her car was still there, and still there this morning when I left...

...and there when I have just turned up tonight!

If she had said to me last night "yes thanks for letting me know, Im just unloading my heavy bags but I will move my car shortly" I wouldnt be frothing, but the Toby is really full tonight and whats the betting there is some poor person inside who has had to struggle all the way over from the furthest corner of the carpark because of that selfish cow.

The thing is, should I report her now? I just dont know if Its just me being pissed off at her attitude, and a bit up my own arse...im just feeling vengeful, like I want to teach her a lesson. The Toby is open and full of people.

Why are you allowing this to make you so stressed? It has absolutely nothing to do with you, she isn't obstructing your legitimate use of the space yet you have got worked up and disrupted your stay to go out several times checking whether she is still there/ displaying a badge, etc. that is just odd.

She may have a BB. Sometimes disabled people do not look disabled. I look able bodied (bipolar) and husband makes good eye contact so does not look blind. However it is obvious when he is walking as he has to use his white cane.
I do not qualify for a BB (as I do not have problems with mobility), but husband does.
We have a motability car and I am the named driver.
I do not tend to bother if an able bodied person uses a disabled bay when there are loads spare. However I once got into a ding dong with this couple who took the last one and refused to move even though I showed them husbands BB.
So I parked our car behind theirs, blocking them in, and we went off to do our shopping. The guy nearly hit me when we got back but I thought it served him right to be inconvenienced a little.

One of my dds EDS. She could on a good day leap out of the car. She looks fine. The other looks fine until she gets out of the car.

The woman didn't have a BB so shouldn't park in a disabled bay.

I do not see how the OP did anything wrong. No badge, don't park there. If you have a 'hidden disability' - get a badge.

Even when I had a broken leg I wouldn't let my driver park in a disabled bay - because we didn't have a badge.

Growing up with a wheelchair bound father makes me pretty black & white on this issue. If your disability is so damn hidden, but bad enough that you need disabled parking, then you will qualify for badge. If you don't display that badge, that is your look out if people like me assume you are a selfish twat.

Well if the general public can police the use of blue badges so enthusiastically, maybe we should go the whole hog and let them investigate suspected burglars, people without visas, etc etc. We could get rid of the police force, it would save a fortune! Oh, and judges and juries!

What gives people to right to think they can quiz other people on their disabilities? If you think someone hasn't got a blue badge, report them to whoever is responsible for the land.

I think until you are in the position of being asked by a complete stranger "are you disabled?" (Which is what these vigilante enforcers are actually asking) you have no idea how upsetting and anger inducing it is.

How many people say, oh my sisters neighbours brothers mother in law is claiming disability benefits (and of course the "free" car) and she looks fit and healthy to me? No one says, well go and ask her then? They say report it to the correct people if you have concerns.

Just report it and keep your questions to yourself. Please.

Appreciate that OP got off on a bad foot (pardon the pun) by saying that the woman did not look disabled, but she has now clarified that the driver in question did not have a bb.

I agree that if there is no bb, then there should be no parking in a bb spot.

Many of my friends have disabilities and rely on these spaces, so I would be enraged on their behalf. Same as I'd be angered by someone sitting in a "please give up this seat..." space when they didn't need to be in it. I have challenged people in such circumstances - when travelling with a friend with a visible mobility problem - and the seat occupant did move.

We seem to be ignoring the basics of common courtesy at the expense of pointing out OP's hasty original assumption.

I do not understand how people think they are entitled to medical information on someone else. This whole "show me your disability" nonsense is aggressive and rude.

I have had people ask me in the supermarket (cashier) why my ds1 is in a wheelchair trolley. Cashier at Primark asked me this as well (with a lovely "what happened to him?" boomed loudly at me in front of a queue full of people). And always directly in front of ds1 who is, of course, sitting right there in his wheelchair, hearing it all. Seriously, would you ask an adult in a wheelchair why they were in a wheelchair?? Of course not - most wouldn't. Not sure why they seem to think it's appropriate to ask when the wheelchair user is a child.

But it's really the same thing. People are demanding to know private information that is none of their business.

After the woman said "Yes, I know" what exactly did you expect?? You obviously weren't looking for a blue badge, as you didn't even check. I personally think you expected her to point out her disability, as in EXPLAIN what her disability was. And that's the rub, isn't it? It's none of your business. Nobody is required to provide information on their disability to the general public. I don't give excuses or explanations for ds1. It's nobody's business but my own (and obviously his and that of appropriate medical personnel).

NOBODY should feel that they need to explain themselves to a member of the general public. Put out the BB and if someone questions you, point to the BB and walk on. They are entitled to nothing else at all. And those of you questioning people on whether or not they can park there? Look for a BB. If there is one, butt out. If there isn't one, don't confront the driver, simply note the car details and report it appropriately.

Surely people can grasp this. It's not that complicated.

Same as I'd be angered by someone sitting in a "please give up this seat..." space when they didn't need to be in it. I have challenged people in such circumstances - when travelling with a friend with a visible mobility problem - and the seat occupant did move.

Really? Common courtesy obviously in short supply, then, as you are assuming that because someone has no VISIBLE mobility problem that they should not be sitting there. My ds1 has no VISIBLE mobility problem (when he's not in his wheelchair), however, he does have one. I would not be very polite to someone that confronted us and demanded he move from the seat based on their assumption that because they cannot see his disability or mobility problem that it doesn't occur.

The woman did not have a badge.
The OP did report her to both the hotel and the "owner" of the disabled space.
The OP did apologise for saying the woman didn't look disabled.

What, exactly, is the problem...?

Blue Badges can be required in private car parks, if the T&Cs of the operator require them for spaces reserved for BB holders. It's a contractual thing, and abuse would be dealt with by issuing a penalty charge, which several threads here have shown would be ignored.

Many years ago I asked my US-dwelling brother how BB abuse is dealt with in the US (He mainly lives in Tennessee). He replied it didn't happen - anyone caught doing it would be a social outcast.

I may be wrong but I'm sure there's some sort of law in some states making it an offence to abuse a provision for the less able. It might be part of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I'd be happy to see a similar here. Particularly if it meant I could personally chop the legs of the **s who thought it "funny" to smash the wheelchair lift outside our local library, making it inaccessible to my wife. Of course there's no money to fix it, so it's a double waste of several thousand pounds.

Oh dear, I'm ranting.

In the states (at least where I lived) it is only enforced by the police/parking/traffic wardens if the space is marked on the ground as well as with an "official" sign from the municipality. Anything else was not enforceable and we had to tell people repeatedly not to confront the drivers or we would have to send an officer out, but only to keep the peace, NOT to enforce the parking issue, unless it was officially marked. It is just as much a hot button in the states as it is here. No difference whatsoever.

I'm with you, whatthe. If you have a badge, display it. If you don't, don't park in BB spaces. My mum was severely physically disabled, and it's left me very black and white on the issue too.

I'm seven months pregnant and have been on crutches with bad SPD for the last seven weeks, and I won't use the disabled spaces because I don't have a badge. It's a shame that there doesn't seem to be a scheme for temporary badges to be issued by a GP but I suppose the system would be too open to abuse.

My "please give up this seat..." seat issue:

Was with friend who walks slowly and painfully with sticks. Two able-bodied people pushed in front of us to get on the train. My friend cannot physically stand on a moving vehicle. I asked them to move. They did.

I probably didn't explain it very well....

No, I think you've misunderstood what I said. You state they are able-bodied. You don't know that. Yes, rude, as they pushed in front, but my son LOOKS able bodied. He's not. Don't ASSUME that you know they have no mobility problems or disabilities based on what you can see.

This has been pointed out numerous times on this thread.

Same as I'd be angered by someone sitting in a "please give up this seat..." space when they didn't need to be in it.

I dropped out of university as a result of being challenged like this. I didn't move at which point it got really nasty with other passengers backing up the challenger (a bloke who'd sprained his ankle). It ended up with me being spat on by the bloke and elbowed in the ribs the rest of the way home by the woman sat next me. I was too scared to travel after that.

I would be black and white on the issue except my father loses his BB every few weeks (various people take him out so I cannot keep it).

He needs to be lifted in and out of car so cannot take him anywhere where there is not a wide space. If he has lost his badge I always try and tell someone why we are parked in a BB space and they are fine (there is an obvious need in his case).

I too have been shouted at over the years. When the dc were small, I would get them out of the car first and put them on the path and then get dad. I remember facing a tirade of abuse from someone who thought I was using the space in lieu of a M&T space. They literally ran out of steam as I assembled the wheel chair and lifted dad out of the car. They apologised and said "why didn't you just say". I did fix them with a glare and said "why did you just presume?" Still, I did appreciate the fact that they were well meaning.

Fair enough - I suppose it does just prove what a difficult issue this is with public transport. In all honesty, I can't say that I knew whether the people taking up the seats were able-bodied or not, or had other hidden disabilities. They were carrying skateboards and had headphones around their necks with music blaring out.
They did get up and move to other seats -there were plenty on the carriage.

In the main, I think people are well-meaning, but as has been pointed out here, it's easy to make assumptions.

I should know better

DH has just had to pay a parking fine for being in a BB space in a private car park.

BIL was visiting and took the DCs to the cinema in our car. He is a BB holder but didn't have it in our car. He said he'd sort it out but left the ticket behind.

DH reckoned it was a fair cop and paid it.

GooseyLoosey i used to love doing that.
I would park in a BB bay, put the badge up, jump out. get glared at(I am not disabled)
and then start building the wheelchair for my person.
always made laugh

Its not fair that people see only a wheelchair as the sign to back down though. DD is fairly able bodied so by that token the people Goosey spoke to would have continued berating us. .but she legitimately has a blue badge.

wayward-

"He stunk of fags
His fingers were stained from excessive smoking
His teeth were stained from smoking

The only people I've ever seen to be like him and need an oxygen tank were chain smokers so kinda self inflicted. And even if the need for his tank wasn't directly related to his fags they certainly wouldn't help...
"

So you think some people are more entitled to a BB than others- if it is "self inflicted" then these people are less deserving? And you decide the criteria obviously.

My nephew broke his back while training for a National Sporting event. he now has a blue badge. Is he not so entitled in your view because his disability was "self inflicted"?

I think it would be okay to say 'Oh - you've forgotten to put out your blue badge!' if someone is walking away from the car and there's no BB in the windscreen.

I sometiems forget to put mine out, and would be grateful for the reminder.

If they just walk off, then report.

"What gives people to right to think they can quiz other people on their disabilities? If you think someone hasn't got a blue badge, report them to whoever is responsible for the land.

I think until you are in the position of being asked by a complete stranger "are you disabled?" (Which is what these vigilante enforcers are actually asking) you have no idea how upsetting and anger inducing it is. "

Of course it is upsetting, but in fairness, it sounds as if most people who look for a way to challenge non BB displaying users of disabled bays are doing so in order to make sure that the spaces are preserved and available for those who need them. And in pressured parts of the country, disabled people are frequently blocked from their own spaces by selfish gits.

If someone said that to me ( and I use a BB on a daily basis for a family member) I would tell them to fuck off.

I think it's important to bear in mind what it takes to walk up to a complete stranger and challenge them over what you know is an emotive issue. I believe that the natural instinct to avoid conflict has to be overridden by anger, righteous indignation or some other adrenalin inducing emotion. Whenever I come across people on MN telling of how they've challenge someone using disabled facilities they always, without fail, insist they were perfectly polite (as shown here in the OP). But I can honestly say that I have never been challenged by anyone who obviously wasn't seething with resentment. Yes the words they use may be very polite but their body language is screaming aggression. I always feel very intimidated and scared.