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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really annoyed at Someone parking in a Disabled Bay who is definitely not disabled!

315 replies

daisychain01 · 07/10/2014 21:25

I'm normally quite a placid person, who goes about her business and doesn't interfere with other people, but Im absolutely fuming.

Im staying at the Travelodge for two nights, last night was my first night, tonight is my second. When I arrived in the carpark yesterday evening, I was walking towards the entrance with my bags when I was nearly run over in the carpark by a woman in a BMW, texting on her phone while driving, trying to find a space.

It stopped me dead in my tracks! Anyway she then proceeds to drive straight into a disabled bay next to the entrance, obviously there to make it more accessible to a blue badge holder.

She got out of her car and I walked up to her. She was still on her phone, yabbering away, but looked at me. I said very politely, "um excuse me, but do you realise you are parked in a disabled bay .." To which she said as bold as brass "yes I know". So I just thought maybe I will cut her some slack, maybe she will check in then move her car.

I mentioned it to the receptionist and she didnt really want to know, because the parking belongs to the Toby Carvery next door. Out of curiosity I nipped out before going to bed and her car was still there, and still there this morning when I left...

...and there when I have just turned up tonight!

If she had said to me last night "yes thanks for letting me know, Im just unloading my heavy bags but I will move my car shortly" I wouldnt be frothing, but the Toby is really full tonight and whats the betting there is some poor person inside who has had to struggle all the way over from the furthest corner of the carpark because of that selfish cow.

The thing is, should I report her now? I just dont know if Its just me being pissed off at her attitude, and a bit up my own arse...im just feeling vengeful, like I want to teach her a lesson. The Toby is open and full of people.

OP posts:

LiverpoolLou · 07/10/2014 22:59

Sorry but who appointed you as badge inspector? All she needed to do was tell you she had a BB? Are you for real? You actually believe disabled people going about their business have to justify themselves to some random busybody? Maybe she's like me and is delibrately not putting her badge out because she knows it'll wind you up.

CadmiumRed · 07/10/2014 22:59

"have to say, no you shouldn't question people who park in BB bays"

I am sick to death of disabled bays being used by people with no badge, and no disability so that I have had to abandon important trips with my (very mobility impaired) Mum that, yes, I am afraid I do politely remind young people leaping out of BB-less cars with a sports bag tucked under their arm as they race up the steps to the gym.

In London stolen and fraudulent BBs are rife, and parking so rare and expensive that people borrow the BB of a relative and use it for their general parking on a daily basis.

It makes real use by real BB holders almost impossible in some areas and car parks.

thereturnofshoesy · 07/10/2014 23:01

CadmiumRed oh I am with you. I am a carer for someone with a BB
(and a wheelchair so we don't get hassle) but people can't question others on their disability.

CadmiumRed · 07/10/2014 23:02

Ludways - I am genuinely interested and wish to improve my awareness. can you give me an indication of the type of disability your Mum has?

I do realise we all need to be sensitive and respectful, but it is naïve to think that it is uncommon for disabled bays to be misused by last inconsiderate tossers!

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 23:03

all I said was "did you realise that is a disabled bay?" so hardly confrontational or upsetting. Sort of hedging my bets.

How do you know that wasn't upsetting?

You might have been the 15th person to say that to her this week.

You can't see heart conditions for example, so if she happens to have one, I wouldn't blame her for replying with "Yes I know".

Original poster

daisychain01 · 07/10/2014 23:04

If you think someone is taking the piss in parking there, just report it and move on. But don't harass them, so many have invisible disabilities

I didnt say a word to her after she said she knew. I left it. Until 24 hours later, when she returned and still chose to park there! I certainly didnt say "you dont look disabled" and I didnt harass her.

But maybe your statement was a general one...in which case I agree, it never pays to be spiteful to people or give them grief., even if they are doing wrong. But I do think they need their car clamped, just the once, and then I bet they would never do it again.

OP posts:

CadmiumRed · 07/10/2014 23:06

So, if we can challenge people for dropping litter, and not picking up dog shit, and talking in the cinema, why can we not politely ask if people have a Blue Badge?

Is there a way to do it?

Of course 'tut tut you don't look disabled' isn't the right way....

Is it completely taboo? Even in the interests of showing that a) we care, just as we do about litter etc, and b) it is actually affecting us, that minute?

Bearfrills · 07/10/2014 23:08

Yes it is possible she had a hidden disability and had misplaced her badge, however, given the sort of fancy Blue badge free cars that use the disabled bays at motorway services I doubt it.

Are disabled people only supposed to drive shitty cars then and not fancy ones?

Original poster

daisychain01 · 07/10/2014 23:10

Worra I do have a heart condition which is under surveillance, lucky for me not needing a BB at this time, but I will bear it in mind and hope I handle the matter well, if someone asks me the question in the future.

OP posts:

CadmiumRed · 07/10/2014 23:11

Just to say I have only ever asked when there has been no BB displayed and / or I am trying to park with my wheelchair using Mum.

The car-load of Dads waiting for 'the women' to pop to the shops, the sports bag lot....they were all guilty as charged and variously embarrassed and apologetic and embarrassed but abusive.

CadmiumRed · 07/10/2014 23:13

And I am fully aware of parents who need BB close to a shop or GP or whatever because they have children with ASD, or other disabilities that mean they cannot safely manage long walks through traffic, etc.

SistersOfPercy · 07/10/2014 23:13

I'd have told you to mind your own business personally so "yes I know" is rather restrained.

As it is in guessing the Toby is private land so they are more than likely placating you. They have no legal rights to find out if the owner is a BB holder, clamping is I believe now outlawed in England and the best they can do is send an 'invoice' under the guise of a 'fine'.

MmeMorrible · 07/10/2014 23:15

OP my DH used to have blue badge. At the time he was 25, 6ft 2in tall with an athletic build. Unfortunately he also had heart failure and was on the transplant waiting list. You just can't tell by looking at someone, or the car they drive what their health is like.

We encountered more than a few judgemental pillocks like you during this period, shouting & ranting at my DH in the street. It was very upsetting.

Butt out!

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 23:18

If (and I do mean if) she does have a heart condition, I think she handled the matter amazingly well by answering 'Yes I know'.

Original poster

daisychain01 · 07/10/2014 23:19

Cadmium, it was one of those spur of the moment things, I did feel a bit stabby, but I also think there needs to be a way to have some non-confrontational self policing, but it seems from some comments here that the line is very narrow, people feel it is offensive to have any form of discussion.

That isnt a criticism, disability does come in so many form, not all visible. It is hard to discuss because the words can be misconstrued and may be seen as judgemental.

I dont feel at all bad about the mobile phone lady, I am sure she wasnt disabled. People are being too kind to her! I think she just doesnt give a shit about where she was parked and felt entitled to be Princess Tippytoes for 2 days, walking a few paces to the entrance of Traveldodgy. Nothing I was going to say to her would change her attitude

OP posts:

lifelorn · 07/10/2014 23:19

I had a bad day at the leisure centre (visiting golfers had filled all the members car park spaces). As I walked back to my car I saw a man in full golf gear removing his golf shoes and chatting to his mate - he was in the only disabled space! I congratulated him on regaining the use of his legs and pointed to the sign. He flushed bright red and apologised.
I don't think I was unreasonable but I felt like a grumpy old bag afterwards.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 23:24

See now up until this ^^ post I've been giving you the benefit of the doubt.

But that is just fucking nasty OP.

You are sure she wasn't disabled?? Are you a clairvoyant or her personal doctor?

Well it looks like 'Princess Tippytoes' met 'Princess Nose Poke'...except Tippytoes wasn't up for explaining her personal medical records, so Princess Nose Poke got arsey.

Sorry but after everything people have said to you about hidden disabilities, your last post takes the absolute piss.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/10/2014 23:25

Interesting that you didn't comment to her on the illegal activity of driving while on her mobile, but instead focused on where she parked without any basis of knowing whether or not she was able to park there.

It's very frustrating when people see someone they "deem" to be perfectly able and just assume they are not disabled.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/10/2014 23:27

but I also think there needs to be a way to have some non-confrontational self policing

They do. It's called a BLUE BADGE. You know... that thing that you didn't even bother to check to see if she was displaying??

Original poster

daisychain01 · 07/10/2014 23:27

We encountered more than a few judgemental pillocks like you during this period, shouting & ranting at my DH in the street

That's an interesting stretch, from me asking a civilised question to being compared to people shouting and ranting in the street....

But hey why let the facts get in the way of a rant.

It is a shame we cant have a less aggressive conversation about all this, but AIBU does often spiral off in unintended and unhelpful directions, so people darent even mention some subjects. No problem, message received!

OP posts:

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/10/2014 23:28

Gee, judgemental much? You have no idea whether or not she is disabled.

Obviously nothing is going to change your attitude either. What a shame.

feathermucker · 07/10/2014 23:28

There are certain disorders; the effects of which can mean that someone is walking with relatively normal speed/gait etc one day, then the next can be laid up unable to move. Some vascular disorders, Sjogrens for example, can have thus effect.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2014 23:30

Really? That was the only message you received here?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 07/10/2014 23:31

So just checking.. you ARE aware that people get blue badges legitimately even if they have the use of both of their legs, right? Regardless of this man's reaction, it was a pretty aggressive and nasty comment to make to someone when you've no idea what disability they might have.

Original poster

daisychain01 · 07/10/2014 23:36

Alice, if I had gone up to her car and peered around it looking for a BB while she was there, and told her she didnt have a BB, I would have been out of order, that would have been quite threatening. I am not a policewoman or a traffic warden.

I asked her the question, she gave the answer I walked away. Fine. I am sure she isnt mentally damaged for life. I wasnt too chuffed when she nearly ran me over, but I dont suppose she is losing any sleep on my account.

OP posts:

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