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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
puntasticusername · 07/10/2014 22:42

Take care of yourself and your precious baby OP. Hope you've got your feet up now and are relaxing as best you can? All this will pass (bloody soon, hopefully) and in a few months you'll be laughing about it, but your top priority now is to keep yourself and your baby well! Thanks

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/10/2014 22:42

What selfish bastards. Shock

Topseyt · 07/10/2014 22:42

I will be wishing you luck for tomorrow then, hoping you are able to kick these squatters up the arse out of your house.

I just cannot believe the cheek of some people. Shock

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/10/2014 22:43

Them, obviously, not you. Grin

Lepaskilf · 07/10/2014 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zucker · 07/10/2014 22:45

But what happens if they do the same tomorrow night OP? What's stopping you both marching into their room and laying it on the line....chances are they're just hiding out in there anyway.

Or DH to march in tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn and lay out whats going to happen with the threat of the police if they don't follow the plan.

Good luck with this pair of users.

Chippednailvarnish · 07/10/2014 22:49

Yep. Wake them up.

milkpudding · 07/10/2014 22:49

I think they will try and avoid you tomorrow night too, you will need to make this impossible.

SetTheWorldOnFire · 07/10/2014 22:52

If they avoid you again tomorrow night, next time they are out, just get on with it and change the lock.

The way they are behaving, they really deserve no better.

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2014 22:53

Pack their shit whilst they are out and change the locks. Tell them to come back at X time for it, when your DH is there, or you will need to ring the police.

midgeymum2 · 07/10/2014 22:55

You needn't feel bad about waking them at 5am, after all they have had such an early night...

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 07/10/2014 22:57

I'd say 'You've outstayed your welcome and abused my hospitality. I need you to pack up and leave immediately'

If they refuse call the non emergency police number.

Good luck op

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2014 22:58

Or your DH takes the day off work or the morning off. Wake them up, tell them, 'We've talked. You are freeloading off us, bullying us and using us. It's stopping now. You get your stuff and get out now or we ring the police.'

They will just go out tomorrow night. They know you're onto them.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 07/10/2014 23:02

Why can't you just wake them up and throw them out?

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2014 23:05

Yeah, it's starting to sound like you and the DH are as bad as each other. Why tiptoe round them like this? He gets home and throws them out. Fuck 'em.

The pair of you need some assertiveness training after this.

ilovelamp82 · 07/10/2014 23:10

I would wake them up. Or at least now you know they went to bed at 8:30 that they should be fine getting up at 5:30 and be gone before your dh goes to work.

I would seriously wake them up for the cheek of pretending to be asleep when tjeyclearly knew what you wanted to talk about.

Don't let people control and abuse you in your own home. Take control back.

They obviously know what's coming now as well so I would be reluctant to leave them in the house without you and maybe change the locks as soon as they go out tomorrow rather than wait till they've left.

bringbacksideburns · 07/10/2014 23:14

Think it's about time your dh got off his arse, told them you are ill and need to relax for the last few weeks due to previous problems and boot them out!!

Sod work. He needs to support you and get this done.
I can't believe they got keys cut. Gobsmacked.

RubyGoat · 07/10/2014 23:24

They are breathtakingly rude. Please don't give them chance remove anything of yours, it sounds like they have no shame. Hope you are ok.

Poppet1974 · 07/10/2014 23:31

Really feel for you OP/-( such an unnecessary stress for you at this time of your pregnancy.
I have to say I agree with all the other posters, they need to go! I would just ask your husband to deal with it so as any confrontation will not add to your stress levels.
You already know that if you don't see this prick again it'll be no loss so you've nothing to lose.
I'm so angry on your behalf Angry

OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 07/10/2014 23:44

This is not a friend, this is a piss taker of the highest order
While he is in "work" what is his partner doing? Is there always one of them in the house with you?

And South Wales you say? Hmmmmmm Rolls up sleeves, theres a few of us in South Wales.......MNers are a force to be reckoned with, especially pissed off Welsh ones.......
:)

Didactylos · 07/10/2014 23:49

can your husband call work and explain that an emergency has come up and he needs the morning off
because this is clearly an untenable situation and needs dealt with now before you are under any more stress

Summerisle1 · 08/10/2014 00:05

I can quite understand why you don't feel up to a confrontation but equally, it might be that a spot of conflict now will save you weeks and weeks of potentially harmful stress. You must put yourself first. This freeloading blagger MUST be sent packing. By all means do this in two stages - give him until the end of Saturday to leave and then, if he still shows no sign of going, you change the locks and put his stuff outside. If there's even the slightest protest, or he simply stays put then call the police immediately.

Anyone prepared to take advantage of you in this manner isn't a "friend" by any stretch of the imagination. So he certainly doesn't qualify to be treated like one. Get him out, get the locks changed and put such friendship as you had firmly in the past.

ChillyHeatwave · 08/10/2014 00:14

Oh my goodness, have just caught up with this thread! I am in Shock!

Good luck for tomorrow night!

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 08/10/2014 00:19

They planned this, definitely. They are users. First a couple days, then a couple of weeks, now "a few" weeks. They're completely taking advantage of your good nature.

We had this (years ago, before we had children) with friends who'd been travelling, and we offered our spare room "for a week or so" until they found a new place. They completely abused our hospitality, also tried on the "housing benefit" thing, and wouldn't bloody leave. We are not friends with them anymore.

OP - forget being polite. Just get them out - they are quite literally squatting in your home.

iamEarthymama · 08/10/2014 00:20

I am in South Wales!
Let me come round, I look like hippy grandmother type ( I am hippy grandmother) but me and my gang will sort the cheeky buggers out!
Try it sleep, you need to rest
Blessings xx