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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 08/10/2014 00:28

I think it would be wise for your DH to take the morning off if at all possible - it gives you a full day to get them out. I imagine tomorrow they'll whine that they have to stay one more night and I wouldn't trust them in your house after the chat.

ADishBestEatenCold · 08/10/2014 00:33

Are you sure they haven't already put in a claim for housing benefit, Cuppachaplz?

Are they receiving mail at your address?

BaffledSomeMore · 08/10/2014 00:39

Hot damn. I wish I was home. I am suffering from a bad case of frustrated anger atm and this would have been a fine outlet kicking them all the way down the road.

paddlenorapaddle · 08/10/2014 02:01

Holy shit I wouldn't go out any where tomorrow wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them

You and DH need to stay home tomorrow otherwise you'll come home to a light fitting and bugger all else

sykadelic · 08/10/2014 03:32

Going to bed at 8:30? Agree that something is up.

Your husband should stay home tomorrow (at least morning) to assist in them leaving. Do you have friends/family that could come help? Strength in numbers and all that?

It would be best I think if you're out at the time, have someone take you somewhere so your DH can deal with it.

Good luck!

MokunMokun · 08/10/2014 04:52

I had this with my brother. In the end I paid for a week's stay at a cheap backpacker's hotel and helped him there with his bags. There was nothing he could do or say.

They have so much stuff at your place I think you may need to do the same. Tell them you want them out before the weekend and then arrange for a friend with a van to come and pick up their stuff on Saturday morning and drop them off somewhere, a hostel or similar, pay for two nights and wish them luck! Ask for the key back but change the locks anyway.

Otherwise you will get lots of empty promises, excuses etc and it will drag on for ages.

Penfold007 · 08/10/2014 05:01

You have a serious problem with these unwanted guests and your dh needs to stay at home this morning and get these people out. You invited them in so you need to tell them to leave, no negotiation just go. If they refuse you need to start eviction process.

There is obviously a back story as to why they turned up in Wales and no doubt you will find out in time. Act quickly to remove these people.

Hurr1cane · 08/10/2014 05:11

I second ringing the police, they are clearly not very nice people, but it sounds like they're clever and wouldn't kick off at the police. You can wake them up now. They'll have had 9 hours sleep if they went to bed at 8:30

jedishelly1 · 08/10/2014 05:45

What a ridiculous state of affairs! You have my sympathy, OP. Get the fuckers out, asap!

HattieFranks · 08/10/2014 06:25

Hope they are gone today OP. They sound nasty, also glad to hear you have lock ready to go in.

confusedandemployed · 08/10/2014 06:44

I'm in South Wales. If you need back up I'll come round with brick-shithouse DP if you need some muscle. Seriously, the others and I all mean it.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 08/10/2014 07:07

This thread has amazed me! The absoloute brass neck of some people.

ilovelamp82 · 08/10/2014 07:08

Good luck today Flowers

Stuffofawesome · 08/10/2014 07:18

sounds like you are going to need the police. what utter bastards

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2014 07:25

They really have you strung by the short and curlies don't they op. 8.30 bed my arse, I would have banged on their door and told them they are out tomorrow with their stuff. Change locks today and get Police involved if necessary. Your dh should rake some time off work to sort this out.

calzone · 08/10/2014 07:33

Hope the conversation goes well tonight. Grin

Am speechless. ShockShock

carrielou2007 · 08/10/2014 07:38

In bed by 8.30? Is he 9? Shocking behaviour from so called friend, a grown adult. Out today and as Mumsnet say to any of their excuses 'no' is a complete sentence Grin

goshhhhhh · 08/10/2014 07:39

We had this - somehow I agreed for dh's "friend" to stay in our one bedroom flat.Confused. He overstayed his welcome, phoned Spain when we were out (we were broke) & helped himself to dh's clothes. I was pregnant too. Last straw was when heinsulted me. Dh chucked him out - hope your's does too.

wowfudge · 08/10/2014 08:01

Perhaps they went to bed so early to discuss their options - they must see the writing on the wall. I think they may say they will be gone at the weekend. Or you will get some monumental sob story to persuade you to relent.

Lock valuables and things of sentimental value away - or take them to a friend or relative's house. I wouldn't put anything past this lot.

Good luck with everything OP.

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/10/2014 08:21

I'm worried about you coming home and they have changed the locks and claiming squatters rights on your Home. After all they had keys cut, this is all pre planned I think your taking huge risks them being there still, I hope they go quietly and I agree your dh needs to deal with this today and not go in to work.

Osmiornica · 08/10/2014 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stupidhead · 08/10/2014 08:59

If you're 'oop North' I'll come and hold your hand and kick the freeloading fuckers out.

dreamingbohemian · 08/10/2014 09:19

When you speak later, you need to tell them to get out tonight. I agree that if you let them stay overnight or another day or two, they will make your life hell and probably steal some of your stuff.

If you can't get them out tonight then your DH really needs to take the morning off work and help get them out first thing in the morning.

kiwimumof2boys · 08/10/2014 09:24

Update OP?
I have been reading this whole thread Shock

cherrybombxo · 08/10/2014 09:31

Just caught up with this thread and I am horrified! I can't believe they went to bed at 8.30 just to avoid talking to you, they sound like total cowards who know exactly what they're doing.

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