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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
feelingmellow · 07/10/2014 21:40

Just tell him that you agreed he stay for a few days and can't accommdate him for any more. He is taking advantage and being very rude. you are being over polite.

trixymalixy · 07/10/2014 21:41

Have they gone? YANBU at all!!

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 07/10/2014 21:45

Have they gone? Hope you are Ok OP.

puntasticusername · 07/10/2014 21:48

Blatant placemarking in the hope of getting an update saying these vile people are gone, with two giant bootprints on their impossibly cheeky arses!

Honestly, I just don't understand how some people can behave the way they do.

PumpkinsMummy · 07/10/2014 21:55

Oh, was hoping for an update from a relived OP. Sad

theressomethingaboutmarie · 07/10/2014 21:56

I wouldn't give these people any further time at your house. As someone said up thread, if they are willing to treat you like this so far and try to illegally claim benefits at your house, they are clearly not good people and may poison the well on the way out. Good luck OP.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/10/2014 21:59

Good luck in getting rid, OP. You may have to store their crap for a short time if there's more than they can carry or load into a taxi - I think you can get into legal trouble if you dispose of or destroy someone's belongings without giving them reasonable time to collect or remove the stuff themselves - but you can certainly put the people out of your house and change the locks.

Original poster
Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 22:11

So, everyone got home as I was leaving with DS for cubs. I asked politely if I could have chat once I was back and put DS to bed. Got home at 8.30 to find they had gone to bed.

Now absolutely convinced this is all planned, so sorting out plan for tomorrow.

DH totally on side, but would rather I keep any confrontation for when he is here as he us concerned about the baby and I if I get over-stressed...

DH thinks they may have upset someone in Northern England as he can't find another explanation for sudden desire to move to South Wales as the apparent job did not exist.

On the plus side, I did manage to pick up a new lock, so can change it the second they go. Will contact police if I get nowhere tomorrow...

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 07/10/2014 22:14

I can't believe this thread has made it to an eighth page without a Brass Neck Apologist (TM) coming on to say you are being unfair and if it was their house the poor dears could stay as long as they liked Wink

Seriously, a unanimous AIBU is a rare thing indeed and goes to prove you really, really are not being a bad host, it is them being extremely bad guests.

GermanHouseCat · 07/10/2014 22:15

FFS - they went to bed at half 8 to avoid a frank discussion about how much they are taking the piss.

First thing tomorrow, tell them they need to go. If they get up at the crack of dawn and go out for the day, change the locks while they're out and leave their stuff outside.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 22:15

Funny how they went to bed at 8.30. Out tomorrow chappel!

Hellokittycat · 07/10/2014 22:15

Hope they are gone by now!!

Clutterbugsmum · 07/10/2014 22:16

Start piling all their belongings together by the door.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/10/2014 22:16

Meant cuppa. Change tge locks and put their stuff out tomorrow.

HansieLove · 07/10/2014 22:17

Could DH take the morning off and boot them out? If they get up early, like 5 a.m. and go out, you could put their stuff outside and change locks. If they sleep in, you could wake them up and tell them to leave.

littledrummergirl · 07/10/2014 22:17

Personally I would go hormonal. "Need more space, want to sit at my table, fucking people everywhere I go, front door left fucking open, ungrateful bastards taking advantage" would be some of the phrases coming out of my mouth at full volume. There would be tears and snot. I would be throwing anything breakable of theirs, non breakable of mine things at them, walls, etc and generally having a full on tantrum.

I would get dh to explain that this is normal behaviour through pregnancy and will only get worse as it progresses.

I might even do this at 3am when I get up with insomnia and trip over something of theirs.

(you may need to apologise to the neighbours).

Keep it up until they decide your nuts and move out.

Or you could just change the locks Grin

I hope youre ok.

Corabell · 07/10/2014 22:18

Please get your husband to wake them up. I'm so furious that they went to bed when they knew you wanted to speak to them. Furious, but not surprised given they are total assholes.

Branleuse · 07/10/2014 22:28

wake them up

fruitpastille · 07/10/2014 22:34

Good luck OP, hope you are having the talk right now.

Original poster
Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 22:34

DH leaves for work at 5.30, so really an option to talk before he goes. I totally understand why he wants to be there as we have had so many losses and this is a high risk pregnancy. Roll on tomorrow night...

OP posts:
Stopmithering · 07/10/2014 22:35

Have they ever gone to bed at 8.30 before, op?
If not, they clearly know what's on your mind.
I think this friendship is over, so don't beat around the bush with them.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 07/10/2014 22:36

Stay strong. Thanks Hope they are out asap.

Hissy · 07/10/2014 22:37

cheeky feckers, you need to wake them up first thing and tell them that they have to leave, and take their stuff with them.

RandomMess · 07/10/2014 22:37

6am wake up for them so you can have them cleared out before DH leaves for work.

Jill2015 · 07/10/2014 22:40

Further proof, not that you needed it, that they are totally taking the p1ss, going to bed, to avoid hearing what you had to say. FFS.
First of all, please don't stress yourself any further about them. You need to mind yourself, and your baby.
They need to go, ASAP. Your husband needs to get rid of them, lock, stock and barrel. The incident with the keys thrown on the path...words fail me. Out with them, no giving notice of a day, a week or a month, they have already overstayed their time, massively.
I am sure there are numerous guest houses or hotels that they can stay in. Not Your Problem!