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unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
MexicanSpringtime · 09/10/2014 13:07

Great news, OP. You and your DH sound lovely.

MummyBeerest · 09/10/2014 13:10

So happy for you OP! This was shocking!

I have to ask though-why were you ever friends with this guy in the first place? He sounds like a total dick. Just generally.

puntasticusername · 09/10/2014 13:30

Oh excellent OP! Great news. I haven't been so involved in a thread in ages Grin

Enjoy your newfound peace!

rumbleinthrjungle · 09/10/2014 13:39

Brilliant news! Hope you've got your feet up, are feeling better today with less throwing up and can enjoy the peace and quiet of your home uninterrupted Grin

Thanks
TessOfTheFurbyvilles · 09/10/2014 13:40

A great outcome OP.

Enjoy the peace!

milkpudding · 09/10/2014 14:40

Well done OP, best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, enjoy your quiet house.

SauvignonBlanche · 09/10/2014 15:17

Glad it went well.

Hissy · 09/10/2014 15:19

I wasn't expecting criticism for not having acted sooner (it had been less than a week when I first posted)

I can see why that would have upset you, and while I have not seen what kinds of things were said to you, it is perhaps something to think about that you put up with a situation whereby they'd completely gone against everything you had agreed and landed themselves on you, copying keys and leaving doors open, leaving the place in a mess etc, ignoring everything you had asked, rendering life and work impossible and making you so completely miserable as to spend your days mostly in tears.

My love, with the most respect on earth, that all went on WAY too long. You should never have been in that situation in the first place. We are all livid for you.

Acting sooner could have started at the phone call. "no, sorry, you can't bring the trip forward/extend it, it's not convenient'

that's OK, we all get shafted before we learn to say no and mean it.

It's OK to say no, to refuse to do something you don't want to do, no matter how much someone tries to manipulate you into doing it.

You have learned to put yourself, your baby and your sanity first. you and DH have stood up to a pair of complete arseholes and got your rightful way.

Bloody well done.

Stewedcoot · 09/10/2014 15:21

Well done OP! And hope the pregnancy nausea passes soon and you can now enjoy some peace and quiet!

Lottapianos · 09/10/2014 16:33

Good post Hissy

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 09/10/2014 16:49

He was gonna go because the cat was a problem to him? Right.... Hmm

Glad you've got rid of them.

Cuppachaplz · 09/10/2014 17:01

So, well done to everyone who said that wouldn't be the end, but I wish it had been...
The sage continues...

Had an email from friends dd this am wanting clarification as to what was going on. Sh has lodgers moving in in a couple of weeks and wanted to check he had told her he truth before letting him get a 'foot in the door' (her words not mine). He had told her that he needed to stay for a couple of weeks while I dealt with some 'pregnancy issues' be fire moving back in with us! No idea which if us they we're planning on shafting thus time, but felt no remorse setting her straight. Incidentally, for those asking, I am friends with him because of old friendship with her...

About an hour after this, I came downstairs to hear someone in the house. As I had said, I had keys in the back if all locks, so not possible except via a window. Side story, but I was attacked in the house by an intruder a couple of months ago, so am very nervous at home alone. They are both aware of this, and is the main reason I freaked so much when door left open / unlocked. I ran into the kitchen, somebody followed me and was rattling the door, so I rang the police whilst holding it shut. I was utterly freaked by the time they arrived, but it turns out that this was ex-friend, having come back in through an open window (which they must have 'accidentally' left open) when I didn't open the door. That would be because you didn't knock then...
Police have dealt with him, and removed the second door key which he claimed I knew about, and he is currently en route back to England :D

I have just been released from hospital, where the police sent me as my heart rate was well over 200 by the time they arrived, and they couldn't calm me down, so wanted baby checked.
Happy to report baby is fine. DS and I off to celebrate with a takeaway while DH changes all the locks :)))

Thanks again for all the support. Hopefully this really us the end!

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 09/10/2014 17:05

Christ you poor poor thing XX

Spindarella · 09/10/2014 17:09

Bloodyhell!

sourdrawers · 09/10/2014 17:09

Tell him to sling his fucking hook.

plumnc · 09/10/2014 17:13

delurking to say OMG!!!!!!
I'm glad the police got involved - this is beyond the pale!
I think you need a bit of this:FlowersCakeBrew

cherrybombxo · 09/10/2014 17:13

Oh ffs, what the hell is wrong with this man?! I'm so angry on your behalf OP, I can't believe he would creep in through an open window! Did he think that he could sneak in and live in your house without you noticing? What an absolute mentalist!

This thread is definitely up there with the Mexican house thief in terms of brass neckery.

MokunMokun · 09/10/2014 17:15

Wow! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that but glad to hear he has gone. Take care of yourself and your baby. What on earth will you do with all his stuff?

OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 09/10/2014 17:15

OMG you poor thing, what an utter twat he is....And where was the partner when all of this was happening?

Osmiornica · 09/10/2014 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTheHugeManatee · 09/10/2014 17:19

Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock

I just CANNOT believe he let himself back in through a window after all that!

Very glad to hear you called the police.

PiratePanda · 09/10/2014 17:20

Oh. My. God. That is all. Wow. The brass neck!

Glad you're OK OP.

SauvignonBlanche · 09/10/2014 17:22

OMG! He should have been arrested! Shock

Selinemaratima · 09/10/2014 17:28

WTAF is this person made of! Seriously who would, after they have been told to leave a persons house, having had their keys confiscated, come back to the house & climb through the ffffing window! AngryAngryAngry I am absolutely seething OP!!! I honestly am lost for words!!!' What on earth did he want???? And the daughters story?! Unbelievable "foot through the door"!!!! She should have come & bloody got him!!! Jesus christ I can imagine how bloody frightened you were darling, (I too have had an intruder incident about 15 years ago but still quite anxious alone etc) I would have had an absolute breakdown; so relieved baby is ok, you're heart rate/blood pressure must have gone through the roof! You Op deserve an afternoon at the spa, pregnancy massage, pedicure - the bloody works!!! What an absolute nightmare - you couldn't script it. I'm am aghast Shock but sending an enormous squench (as Wendy in Peter Pan would say) lots of love xxxx

cozietoesie · 09/10/2014 17:30

It's as well I don't live near you or I'd have been at your house to sort him out. I couldn't have stopped myself.

Do you have any (real) friends in the neighbourhood, OP ?

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