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AIBU?

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unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
BaffledSomeMore · 09/10/2014 10:12

That sounds hopeful then :) Good thinking to leave keys in lock. Don't move to answer the door it anyone knocks and get DH to phone you to be let in.
Now feet up and enjoy the peace and quiet and look after yourself. Hope the rest of your pg goes smoothly

Jill2015 · 09/10/2014 10:12

Brewfor you, and hope you are feeling better today. Well done.

confusedandemployed · 09/10/2014 10:12

....and breathe! Well done OP. All very civilly handled. And it sounds like the friendship hasn't suffered either (if you even wanted to keep it).

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and take care Thanks

Corabell · 09/10/2014 10:14

You've done really well. Some people like to treat threads as their personal soap opera and forget that a human exists on the other side. You've got rid of then and kept your own stress levels down.

If only you'd know about the cat allergy before you could have got your cat to rub all over the sofa bed :)

ooerrmissus · 09/10/2014 10:14

Delurking to say Yay!!! Well done Cuppa, enjoy some rest now!!

Stupidhead · 09/10/2014 10:17

Awesome work! I hope the sickness stops and you feel a bit calmer today x

listsandbudgets · 09/10/2014 10:17

Sorry cross post.

Enjoy your peaceful home. I am glad you managed to resolve it all so civilly and best of all no one woke you up to deal with drama

YonicScrewdriver · 09/10/2014 10:22

Ok, sounds like they took it quite well and are unlikely to be back to smash windows etc! Glad you are free!

Didactylos · 09/10/2014 10:36

So glad theyve gone OP, and you have your space back
hope you feel less stressed now and can rest
take care of yourself and good luck with the final few months

Jill2015 · 09/10/2014 10:40

I think it's interesting that his daughter 'plans to take in lodgers', hmm. I wonder if she learned the hard way, not to take him in, during his stays in the UK.
Once again, OP, well done, well handled, wishing you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 09/10/2014 10:47

Enjoy your peace today OP and relax.

I know people sometimes get very het up and you may have been upset at criticism, but try and remember that people get that way because they are on your side and wanted the best for you. It was outrage at the way you were being treated and frustration on your behalf I think Brew

PumpkinsMummy · 09/10/2014 10:47

well done OP enjoy your peace and quiet!

PlumpPartridge · 09/10/2014 11:06

Him, if we can't find anywhere on Saturday, that we can afford immediately, will go back home as can get agency work up there, but we want to stay in this area for winter, can we leave stuff here while we do so.

Me, no problem at all

That doesn't mean that he might be knocking on your door again later in the winter, does it? I hope not, for your sake!

LeftRightCentre · 09/10/2014 11:15

Result. This isn't your problem. Any stuff left, get your DH and stepson to shift it to the garage or loft.

They ask to stay again, you say, 'No, that doesn't work for us.' They are adults with no dependent children. They can fend for themselves.

LittleBairn · 09/10/2014 11:22

So pleased its been resolved. Enjoy the peace and quiet.

Zucker · 09/10/2014 11:27

Nice one Op well done! Wonder who their next victim will be.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/10/2014 11:45

That is fantastic well done, now you can relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy Flowers

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 09/10/2014 11:53

Hurray for the happy ending!

Don't be surprised if their precious stuff ends up getting abandoned

You've done really well.

I hope you have a weekend of doing nothing but relaxing planned :)

JuanFernandezTitTyrant · 09/10/2014 12:05

Brilliant. I can't believe he wanted you to get rid of your cat Shock

YonicScrewdriver · 09/10/2014 12:08

TBF (momentarily) to the friend, think the friend thought his allergy meant HE should go ASAP, not the cat!

Suzannewithaplan · 09/10/2014 12:09

we were happy for him to stay another week not least because we were coming home every night to a clean house and a cooked dinner. Even our oven was gleaming, sheets were being changed and floors mopped. We really missed him when he went! He kept apologising that he couldn't afford to pay us any board and lodging. I think we should have been paying him

what a gem he was :o

Littleturkish · 09/10/2014 12:11

Get rid of your cat??

The bloke is mental. So so pleased that they're gone.

Xx

Selinemaratima · 09/10/2014 12:12

You're very welcome OP it's been nearly as good as Downton! Big hugs and good luck with pregnancy, Christmas will be lovely Flowers

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 09/10/2014 12:15

Can you arrange for the cat to pee over some of their 'precious' stuff? You know they deserve it! Grin

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/10/2014 12:21

"Him, saying he was allergic to our cat (?!) anyway, so needed to go ASAP"
"Me (starting get mildly annoyed), well the cat actually lives here, so he stays. ( resisted adding that I am unwell ATM so profuse apologies for not hoovering 3 x per day, you or gf could always help)"

OP, was he genuinely suggesting you should get rid of your cat Shock? Or just trying to save face with a I-was-going-anyway-because-of-my-allergies?

So glad he's gone, and you can have peace and serenity in your own home again. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Maybe ritually burn his belongings on Bonfire Night as I suspect he will umm and ahh about clearing your garage. Grin

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