Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 09/10/2014 07:34

Well done cuppa.so now relax and look after yourself and your lovely family.
Come back and tell us about the baby.
Oh and if they don't shift the stuff out of your garage I have a couple of cats who like pissing on random shit. Grin

CruCru · 09/10/2014 07:40

Oh good work.

SuffolkNWhat · 09/10/2014 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuffolkNWhat · 09/10/2014 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skylark2 · 09/10/2014 07:50

Sounds excellent - let's hope it all goes to plan.

Stuff in the garage might be annoying but it's not stressful to the same extent (at least it wouldn't be for me). Get rid of them and worry about "stuff" later.

PrettyPictures92 · 09/10/2014 07:50

Congrats OP, hope you finally get some peace and quiet Flowers

phantomnamechanger · 09/10/2014 07:54

morning OP, so, have they gone or did they come up with a sob story and plead to stay??
best of luck with the pg once this stress is over!

puntasticusername · 09/10/2014 07:57

Aretheygone Aretheygone Aretheygone?

spottymoo · 09/10/2014 07:59

Hope they've gone and you can finally have your home back

Spadequeen · 09/10/2014 07:59

God they sound horrendous.

When they went to bed at 8.30, I personally would have woken them up and told them to go then, no reason. For you to be polite, they certainly weren't.

I hope they've gone

OTheHugeManatee · 09/10/2014 07:59

Are they gone yet?

avocadotoast · 09/10/2014 08:11

Good luck! Hoping they leave without a fuss

Myhensareladies · 09/10/2014 08:22

Are they gone?

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/10/2014 09:08

WTF?! They're squatting! I am flabbergasted that people this fucking cuntish exist Shock Go hormonal mental and kick them out, change all locks and never ever answer the phone to either of them ever again.

Oh and I know its not the MN thing but fuck it, massive (((hugs))) on the way you poor bugger

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 09/10/2014 09:13

Dartmoor - in theory they were meant to be leaving early this morning and Cuppa's DH was sticking around to make sure they went. We're all just waiting to find out what happened.

momb · 09/10/2014 09:14

Morning OP. I hope all has gone according to plan and you have the place to yourself this morning!

Selinemaratima · 09/10/2014 09:24

Oh honey - well done, all sounds very reasonable - I couldn't give a flying monkey about stuff in the garage, you have the keys and they don't need to enter the house to retrieve them eh. Well done darling for this and for surviving such an epic thread! Grin love xxx

Littleturkish · 09/10/2014 09:40

So glad they're going, and i hope the rest of your pregnancy is straightforward and stress free.

Roussette · 09/10/2014 09:45

Well done OP for handling this so graciously. Sometimes it doesn't pay to rant and rave because it introduces another element into a problem.

As far as leaving their stuff in the garage, that is nice of you and probably what I would do. However, I would lie say something like you have to have the garage emptied by a certain date because your DH needs it for something he is doing (building a kitchen, woodwork project... whatever..) It's just good to have a time limit on things. Say to them that it must be cleared by a particular date or you will have no choice to put their stuff on the drive for collection - all said nicely of course Smile

nicenewdusters · 09/10/2014 09:49

Am sitting in my quiet house with a cuppa and a caramel wafer - SOOOOO
hope you're able to do the same this morning, and that those freeloaders are on the M1 taking their revolting sense of entitlement with them !

Well done. all the best.

UptheChimney · 09/10/2014 09:53

Well done, OP. Hope all has gone smoothly this morning.

dinkystinky · 09/10/2014 10:04

Well done OP - must feel like a great big boulder has been lifted off your shoulders

Cuppachaplz · 09/10/2014 10:06

Gone, I think.
No-one woke me up until DS got up, and now the house is empty.
Garage stuff is fine by me, and there is a limit as DH parks in there once frost starts (10 min defrosting time is precious at 5am!) so they are aware it will be moved to our ancient, leaky shed if it's still here once the temperature drops...

For those asking, went as follows:
Me: explaining about pregnancy risks, need to work, and DH adding need for our sofa bed for DSD who wants to visit before baby arrives / help with DS if arrives prematurely.
Him, more about deposit saving and viewings on Saturday
Me; explaining that doc had asked me to reduce stress levels and not prepared to put baby's life at risk and DH pointing out how upset we both were that he couldn't see that.
Him, saying he was allergic to our cat (?!) anyway, so needed to go ASAP
Me (starting get mildly annoyed), well the cat actually lives here, so he stays. ( resisted adding that I am unwell ATM so profuse apologies for not hoovering 3 x per day, you or gf could always help)
Him, if we can't find anywhere on Saturday, that we can afford immediately, will go back home as can get agency work up there, but we want to stay in this area for winter, can we leave stuff here while we do so.
Me, no problem at all, but I need to get the room organised and be able to work / relax tomorrow. I also need my keys back.
Him, I leave for work at 5.30
DH, that's is convenient, so do I, I will get the keys off you then. Please make me a coffee if you are up first.

DH also asked if they could let us know when collecting stuff in advance he can be here, 'to help if necessary, as I shouldn't be lifting large items'

All calm and reasonable, suspect they knew what was coming, and it probably helped that I spent most of yesterday throwing up, which must make me a somewhat off putting house mate ATM!

My keys are in the back of every lock, and will sort locks, room etc out later once DH home :)

OP posts:
Cuppachaplz · 09/10/2014 10:11

Forgot to say, thanks again muchly, mumsnetters :D:D:D

This thread has only been up a day and a half; it has been exhausting to follow. I initially posted wondering if I was being unreasonable to be grinding it difficult, and to want to ask them to go before the max of 2 w initially agreed. I wasn't expecting criticism for not having acted sooner (it gad been less than a week when I first posted), and found this quite upsetting, but ultimately it gave me perspective as to where things could be headed, and really help.

Huge thanks again to everyone xxx

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 09/10/2014 10:11

Well done op. I wept for you reading this. I really hope they went and left you in peace.

About 10 years ago a friend seperated from his wofe amd was homeless. He asked if he could stay in our spare room for a couple of weeks. We agreed. Two weeks later he had found somewhere to.live and a job. He had to wait a week to move in to new place but he explained that to us and we were happy for him to stay another week not least because we were coming home every night to a clean house and a cooked dinner. Even our oven was gleaming, sheets were being changed and floors mopped. We really missed him when he went! He kept apologising that he couldn't afford to pay us any board and lodging. I think we should have been paying him