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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/10/2014 23:07

Well done OP!
What did they actually say when you said they had to go?

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 08/10/2014 23:07

Good on you, Cuppa. I hope the morning goes smoothly.

Jill2015 · 08/10/2014 23:08

Well done OP. Take care of yourself, and all the best with the rest of your pregnancy. Flowers

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 08/10/2014 23:08

Well done, hope you can breathe a sigh of relief now Smile

KatieKaye · 08/10/2014 23:09

Whew. Massive relief for you

rumbleinthrjungle · 08/10/2014 23:12

Massive well done you and dh! My fingers are crossed for an easy morning for you.

GetTheRedOut · 08/10/2014 23:12

Good for you OP, I hope they leave nice and peaceably and don't leave any nasty surprises behind

NormaStanleyFletcher · 08/10/2014 23:17

Well done Cuppa.

BaffledSomeMore · 08/10/2014 23:20

Good news :)
Hoping for an orderly departure. Then feet up and get some rest over the weekend

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 08/10/2014 23:20

Excellent. Please come back and update tomorrow though. I hate a half finished AIBU!

AlpacaLypse · 08/10/2014 23:25

So glad this is working out ok. xx

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2014 23:33

Fantastic well done Smile

rockybalboa · 08/10/2014 23:33

Throw. Them. Out. Pronto.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/10/2014 00:32

Well done OP and hopefully it will all go smoothly.
If it doesn't, though, nd they come up with some excuse why they are not leaving, you will need to stand firm and say no, sorry, you must leave today. You have agreed to store their stuff, but they have to go. And if there is any aggression from them at this point, or even if they try the 'broken record' tec hnique on you ('We will go in a few days. We can't leave right now. We will go soon but we won't go right now.') call the police. and have them removed. Because the 'broken record' thing does not work |when the person using it is in the wrong.
Just imagine - 'I'm not going to pay for this item. It's not up for discussion. I want this item, I am taking it from the shop and I'm not going to pay for it.' Yeah, right...

mimishimmi · 09/10/2014 02:26

Doubt you've seen the end of this yet. At the very least, their stuff will probably be in your garage for weeks, if not longer. A real friend, if they were having housing problems, would be upfront about them and request to stay the exact length of time they hoped for so that you could make an informed decision about whether to take them on or not. These users (if the gf is one but I suspect she's embarassed about this and doesn't know what he told you about the 'few days') thought to manipulate your good nature by getting their foot in the door and then dumping on you with the real time expectations they had.

The daughter has probably experienced this before and thought "well, I might as well get real lodgers who will pay than take on Dad for months again". Poor girl, I wonder if she has any idea that he'll be heading up her way. Not that any of that makes this. your problem by the way.They could always put their stuff in storage and pitch a tent...

MexicanSpringtime · 09/10/2014 02:28

Great news, OP. Hope it goes according to plan

sykadelic · 09/10/2014 03:42

Happy to see the update OP. Hope it all goes the way it's supposed to.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 09/10/2014 06:23

Well done, OP. Hope things go to plan.

RedorBlack · 09/10/2014 06:39

Nicely handled op, hopefully you're getting up to YOUR nice quiet house this morning Smile

giraffescantboogie · 09/10/2014 06:47

fingers crossed

Timeforabiscuit · 09/10/2014 06:49

Phew, well done op!!

The stuff in the garage probably will linger - but at least they'll be out!

ohtheholidays · 09/10/2014 07:02

Well done Op,I hope they're gone when they said they would be for you and I hope you don't have to look after they're stuff for to long.

wowfudge · 09/10/2014 07:30

Phew - that must be a great relief OP. Some people on here must only take in about every twentieth word: in her update the OP clearly states that if they don't go quietly this morning, her DH is going to stay at home to sort things and they are prepared to phone the police.

Fingers crossed they are gone by now!

Stupidhead · 09/10/2014 07:32

Well done!
Bet you can't wait to get your house back to yourselves again Grin

YonicScrewdriver · 09/10/2014 07:34

Hope that they are gone!

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