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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unwanted houseguests

654 replies

Cuppachaplz · 07/10/2014 15:08

I know that I am probably going to get slated here, but...

About 3 weeks ago, a friend of mine who is semi-retired and lives abroad for the summer, but returns to the UK in the winter to work, messaged me out of the blue to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay for a couple of days at the end of October while the found somewhere to live as he had secured a job close to me and his daughter who he normally stays with in the winter was planning to get lodgers. I am 28 weeks pregnant (or possibly more depending on which scan you believe), having a horrendous pregnancy with a past history of recurrent miscarriage, and working (writing) from home. He is aware of all this, and said it would be 'just a week, two at the absolute most'. I also explained that i had a house full the last week in October (half term, and planning to see as many friends as possible before arrival of baby), and that I am trying to get the house sorted for the baby in addition to an important work deadline in November, but that a few days was fine.

We don't have a lot of space, so they would be on the sofa be on the dining room. Spare room is tiny, and currently waiting for us to decorate for baby, so no good for 2 people even for a couple of days.

I got a call 9 days ago, saying that he was arriving 2 days later, i.e. a month earlier than stated. I was a bit put out, as I had already explained how much i had to get done, but figured I could crack on after the 'few days'.

He rang again the night before saying he assumed that someone would be in all day. Generally no, as we all work, and too late to get time off, but as I am working from home atm, I could be in. Was just irritated that this was assumed, as normally would be a no, and I have had hospital appts at least twice weekly for the last few weeks.

He arrived with a hire car rammed full of tons of stuff, which he proceeded to dump in our garage (my husband's workshop etc), and my dining room. I have had to fold up and move the dining room table, so we all have to eat off the breakfast bar in the kitchen, with my husband and I standing up. He then moaned that I didn't have a car available as he wanted to take his hire car back and have me give him a lift home. I have never owned a car, and drive very infrequently, so odd request. I asked how he was planning to get to work, to find out that the job had fallen through.

Initially he asked if I wanted them to get any shopping, or do anything. As I had just done a full shop, I suggested that if he wanted to, he could maybe get us a takeaway at the weekend instead, as I felt like crap, and had spent the whole day driving him around looking for things. This got me an earful as he claimed to have no money (why offer to buy groceries then? I wasn't suggesting anything elaborate), so I went to bed early and showed him where I keep leftovers on the freezer, while Dh finished jobs in the kitchen. They got said takeaway anyway and then proceeded to put hot contained directly on top of raw meat in the fridge.

I am massively overheating atm, so had asked if windows could be left open to stop the house turning into a sweatbox. This was ignored, and he now walks around behind me shutting them.

He now has a job, but announced yesterday that it will take 'several weeks' to save any deposit for a house...

He has also asked me if he can claim housing benefits at this address, I suspect totally illegally.

When they are in, I cannot work as TV on v loud, and with them in the dining room and sat watching this in living room, is no space left, so I spend my time upstairs.

I am now thoroughly miserable, spending most days half crying, and can't see a way out. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so appreciate that i am being hormonal and may be over-reacting, and probably only have myself to blame, but I am also desperate to get organised before the baby arrives, and can't believe they would take advantage of me like this.

Sorry for very long, whining post, but unsure how to proceed now.

And now, let the 'you've made your bed...' - bashing commence

TIA

OP posts:
PunkHedgehog · 08/10/2014 18:04

Why weeks? Well, a room in a shared house and dealing directly with a landlord might make it faster, but if they go through an agency there's a delay while they run credit checks and collect references, the landlord may not be nearby so contracts have to go back and forth in the post, the property may have been put with the agency before the landlord had completed all the paperwork they need (EPC, electrical and gas checks), viewings may be done once the previous tenant gives notice but before they move out, if they pay the deposit and first lot of rent by cheque that may need to clear before they can move in. All sorts of things can slow the process down.

LeftRightCentre · 08/10/2014 18:08

Her spouse cannot even afford to take time off work, why the fuck should they even consider paying for lodging for this pair of twats?

The OP and her spouse owe these people FA and can street them at will.

LeftRightCentre · 08/10/2014 18:10

Who cares what can slow the process down? Not the OP's problem. Her problem is these gits stressing her out.

kerstina · 08/10/2014 18:12

Good luck OP I am with you all the way. Totally insensitive and rude friends like these you do not need. So galling that genuinely lovely people are taken advantage of like this. I hope they are out by tonight and you can have a lovely peaceful, stress free weekend.

Babiecakes11 · 08/10/2014 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiverpoolLou · 08/10/2014 18:19

Have they gone yet?

OP you have patience of a saint. I'd have dragged them out of bed last night and put them out with the cat.

But why didn't your DH say something to them last night when he saw they were going to bed?

listsandbudgets · 08/10/2014 18:24

I am not arguing with you I am telling you to leave my house

No.

Please go.

We will help you pack.

DH will drop you at the travel lodge.

No.

This is our house please leave.

No

Here is a bag for your stuff.

You need to leave tonight

I am not arguing with you I am telling you to go.

No.

We can not let you stay any longer.

No.

I need all my keys back including your copies.

No.

Good bye.

Good luck OP. I think you get my view on the matter from the abovfe

LeftRightCentre · 08/10/2014 18:34

I'm missing a trick here, paying rent and council tax, as it seems the world is full of utter doormats who will lodge me for free and, when they want rid, put me up in a hotel. Seems to be loads on MN who provide full hotel services to people who invite themselves over and even steal from their hosts because they don't even have the backbone to stand up for their own house.

Who knew this was so common. Never met anyone in real life who would put up with this.

carrielou2007 · 08/10/2014 18:37

Hope you are having 'the talk' and the disgrace of a pair are packing right now. presses refresh for update

OTheHugeManatee · 08/10/2014 18:40

Hope these two fuckers are being hoofed out as we speak Grin

UptheChimney · 08/10/2014 18:43

When you're not a free loader yourself, then someone coming into your home and abusing your hospitality and goodwill is pretty shocking and if you're a people pleaser, it can be pretty scary having to deal with it

Yes, this is so true. Although I'm not sure about "people pleaser" -- just genuine nice person. Of course you'll put up an old friend for a few days. THat's being a kind human being, not a people pleaser.

And yes yes to the shock of the blatant appalling behaviour.

Good luck, OP (is this where we do MN pompoms?)

LittleBairn · 08/10/2014 18:46

If they try the same trick again tonight then you wake them up, hammer on the door of you have to and put them out on the street pronto. It's clear this guy will do everything he can to stay.

iwanttobeanonymous · 08/10/2014 19:06

I suspect the free loaders will still be there for weeks to come with the op.waiting for her husband to get back to talk to them and everyone going to bed early....

Selinemaratima · 08/10/2014 19:29

How are you doing OP? We're all rooting for you! Just for the record I would certainly not concern myself with even considering their potential complications re landlord credit checks, viewings, deposits etc as becoming embroiled will undoubtedly turn this into a saga. I certainly would not make any accommodation arrangements for them whatsoever, although I may have telephoned his daughter by now and any other members of his family just to give them a heads up - If it was either of my parents I would come & dislodge them immediately! Although WHO DOES THIS?! In my speech ( I actually think Mumsnet HQ should hash all of our responses together to form a global speech for world peace Grin) I would definitely make them feel embarrassed and utterly ashamed of them selves not just for their actual behaviour but for putting you in this position. Feeling 'put out' doesn't even come close. I have soooo got the rageAngry that this has continued for another 24 hours!!! Maybe it does become really intense and they do refuse to leave, I didn't think it required this last night but I would absolutely call your local police station and just ask for an officer to give you some support throwing them out. ... Although if I was heavily pregnant & suffering complications, I also might just take my DC's to my mums, hide out there and get DH to handle it, - no not because he's a man but because you are a mother! Xx big hugs, let us know how you're getting on xxx

Lottapianos · 08/10/2014 19:45

You're right UptheChimney, the OP does sound like a nice person. However, having become much more assertive myself in recent years, I can see how much of a people pleaser I used to be and I think that bending over backwards to help people who have no respect for you or your home goes beyond being a good friend. Its not a criticism - it's a very difficult thing to change once you learn the pattern

Spindarella · 08/10/2014 19:57

When DSS moved out, he found somewhere on the Saturday, and moved in Monday morning. I rented for 6 months when I first moved here 3 years ago, whilst looking for a house to buy. I was offered a job with a start date 2 weeks later; DS and I viewed 10 properties the following day, picked one, paid the deposit and moved in 10 days later, when we needed to be there. This was why I had assumed that the original 'few days', which when pushed for what this meant when I pointed out then that I was not in a position for long-term guests, was 'a week, two at the absolute most', was workable prospect.

It took you and DSS days because you WANTED to move. These freeloaders are quite happy where they are and may be pretending to be proactive and then all sorts of delaying tactics will come in - they'll keep extending their stay a fortnight at a time I bet.

phantomnamechanger · 08/10/2014 20:17

OMG I cannot believe this thread, what awful, people! Please come back and tell us they have gone.

OTheHugeManatee · 08/10/2014 20:22

COME ON OP PLEASE TELL US YOU'VE CHUCKED THEM OUT

calzone · 08/10/2014 20:25

SmileSmileBrewThanks

QueenBean · 08/10/2014 20:31

OP pllleeeeeaaaaassssee tell us you've done it!

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/10/2014 20:33

Wow! This guy is NOT your friend btw. What a crappy way to treat you and what a tough situation to be in!

Can your dh and you just sit down with them one evening and explain that they need to find alternative accommodation within the next 24 hours? I know some people are telling you that you should tell him to fuck off etc, but I think, you'd probably get a better result, simply being very clear and firm about things. Getting into a massive argument (and he could turn nasty!), isn't any good for you at this stage of your pregnancy. If you are both calm and resolute, this will avoid a scene hopefully. Possibly, if he has a key, insist on him returning it to you at that point.

They need to go and now. You owe it to yourself and to your baby now to get rid of these people, to chill out and relax and to enjoy (if you can) the last weeks of your pregnancy.

And when you do, delete his number and don't let them over your threshold again.

Thruaglassdarkly · 08/10/2014 20:35

And if that doesn't work, next time they are out, pack up their stuff, put it in the garden and get the locks changed.
Please update OP!

Penfold007 · 08/10/2014 20:42

Oh the suspense. I really do hope OP is okay.

Itsfab · 08/10/2014 20:43

I really hope you are okay, OP.

duhgldiuhfdsli · 08/10/2014 20:44

I really do hope OP is okay.

Given her abject refusal to do anything so far, what gives you any optimism she isn't giving them another month?

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