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Original poster

About the rape scene in Eastenders.

156 replies

Bambambini · 07/10/2014 10:48

They are discussing it on Mathew Wright and some viewers have phoned in to say they weren't happy to have viewed it with the questions it raised as they were watching it with their 4 and 7 yr olds.

I know it was before the watershed but I'm surprised folk let their young children watch this show. So they are offended with the rape and having to deal with their young kids questions but have no problem with their kids watching all the other unpleasant stuff that goes on in these shows?

OP posts:
ChoochiWoo · 07/10/2014 11:54

*soaps

Kth1981 · 07/10/2014 11:56

I don't allow my 10 year old to watch any of the soaps as I feel they all push the boundaries on what can be shown before the watershed. I usually watch them on catch up when he's in bed as I love to watch them

Soaps are not true to life as if they were we would all be in the pub everyday or getting blown up or being shot! I don't think that's a good example for children to see

5madthings · 07/10/2014 11:58

Why would you let children watch eastenders?!!

And as for her not fighting back, why shouldn't they show that, it's a very common reaction, it wad my reaction and to hear posters saying she should have fought back, I would fight back etc is bloody crap. Piss off with the victim blaming bullshit.

ConkerTime · 07/10/2014 11:58

Eastenders is so not suitable for little kids but it's on the main BBC channel at peak family viewing time. Confused

I despise TV companies for the bind they put parents in.

My 8 year old kid doesn't watch it but will probably be told all about it by classmates who do.

Highway65 · 07/10/2014 12:00

Jammy, so sorry I offended you. But I did go on to say that my use of that phrase was inappropriate because it isn't what I thought. BUT, it is how it looked on the tv last night. To anyone uneducated and without any idea about rape, maybe to all these 10 year old that were apparently watching it Shock

To be clear, it isn't my persnal opinion!!! Just how it looked on the telly.

JoycemynameisJoyce · 07/10/2014 12:01

I think it can be discussed, but rape needs to be discussed with sensitivity. Stating something with confidence when you have no experience or understanding of that issue is a wee bit rude and that's why some of the harsh statements followed.

zippey · 07/10/2014 12:03

Highway65 - Are you saying it was partly her fault then? I don't see any way round your comments. Maybe she shouldn't have been so nice to him in the first place? Where do you draw the line.

I think it was well done, and I would say congratulations to Eastenders. If it ends up that children ask questions about the rape then surely this is a good thing? Children tend to ask about all sorts of things that they see on television. If you are not sure what to say to them, you could say "we can discuss it later" and then speak to them later in an age appropriate way.

Im a little surprised that people are slightly ignorant that Endenders and Corrie often have hard hitting storylines - murder, DV, rape, violent assault has all been featured in recent history.

Highway65 · 07/10/2014 12:09

Of couse not Zippey.

If this was a case report put infront of me, it was rape, end of.

I didn't come into this thread (wish I hadn't Wink) to give my personnal opinion of whther she was raped or not. This isn't real life and there are all ages watching apparently!

I came on to state how it was portrayed. And I didn't like it. Yes, it may happen like that. But for EE I really think it should have been acted out slightly differently.

jammytoast · 07/10/2014 12:14

I do realise that you didn't mean to offend anyone.

But the thought that just because she doesn't have bruises people wouldn't believe her, well, why would you even think that. If a friend came to you and said she had been raped, would you look for bruises before you believed her?

What do you think rape looks like? Its not always a man in dark clothing in a back alley late at night. In fact thats quite rare.

Rape is usually in the home, in the workplace, well lit and in your face, by someone you know and trust. Someone you will have to face the next day.

jammytoast · 07/10/2014 12:18

If EE really felt they needed to do this story line then I think its the least they could do to make it as real as possible.

And if it made viewers uncomfortable then I think they did a good job. Why should they pretty it up to fit into common preconceptions rather than break those preconceptions down?

Original poster
Bambambini · 07/10/2014 12:19

I just think the really violent, beat up kind of rape is too simplistic - people already abhor this. I think this kind of rape where it is someone you know and trust and you freeze and don't fight or get injuries deserves much more attention as this is where many folk often struggle to understand how this kind of rape happens and what it can look like. It also shows how difficult and how complicated it can be to then speak out or report it. I read so many depressing and shocking comments from young people (often male) about rape and how they just don't understand, believe women or take the tape seriously. This portrayal just might make people think.

OP posts:
PiperIsOrange · 07/10/2014 12:21

I think what HIGHWAY meant is that with brushing and scram mark ect it's further evidence and more of a likely hood of the rapist going to prison and being pit on the sex offender register.

Even though a women may have semen in them, it's hard to prove if the sex was consensual or not.

OwlCapone · 07/10/2014 12:23

I thought it was very well done. You never really saw him do anything beyond pushing her down onto the table and then afterwards. Everything was mostly implied by her reaction.

DD, 8, was watching EE but, given I knew precisely what was going to happen tonight, I sent her to bed before the scene came on. It wasn't difficult. She doesn't often watch it.

JoycemynameisJoyce · 07/10/2014 12:24

But Highway actually said, "I would have made such a noise, screamed, put up such a fight." That certainty is what has offended. No flaming, just pointing out that being absolutely certain of one's actions without any experience can offend people who have had that experience.

jammytoast · 07/10/2014 12:28

The horrendous conviction figures are not the responsibility of the victims. Good god. Have a fucking spade and dig yourselves deeper, or just say the comment was offensive and wrong. It can't be explained away.

Highway65 · 07/10/2014 12:29

Bambambini, reading your comment makes me think I'm wrong.

I suppose as long as the story goes along in the right direction, it might be okay. I'm still not 100%. I wasn't looking for a fight/rape scene by the way. Just more of a fight.

But you guys that have been trhough it, know more than me X

CMP69 · 07/10/2014 12:35

There are adult programmes on all day now. Parent's need to police what their children watch at anytime. I only watch adult programmes when ds is in bed or out. As for the rape scene it was horrible as Dean was very "loving" afterwards and obviously felt he had done nothing wrong Sad
Poor Linda the bleach bit was worrying as that could cause serious harm

Original poster
Bambambini · 07/10/2014 12:37

Highway - I've learned and changed my mind about quite a few things since joining mumsnet many years ago. Many of my views and have been challenged over the years. I think it's one of the sites greatest strengths as long as you are willing to have an open mind. It's all a journey.

OP posts:
CleanLinesSharpEdges · 07/10/2014 12:42

We don't particularly turn over to catch EastEnders but do occasionally watch it. I didn't know the scene last night was coming up and so it was on in our house.

I thought the scene was well done.

My DS (a month off from turning 11) asked what he'd done to her - he knew something bad had happened to her but it obviously wasn't that graphic that he was able to figure it out. I asked him if he knew what rape meant and he remembered that actually we'd talked vaguely about it a while ago when there'd been loads on the news about TV celebrities and sexual abuse so we explained it a bit more last night.

It was difficult to talk about with DS but I personally think it's appropriate that he starts having an awareness about this kind of stuff. Ideally I'd have liked to approach it differently, rather than an episode of EE prompting it, but it's done now, for now.

I'm not sure why anyone would deliberately sit down to watch EE with a 4 and 7 year old in the room, especially if they knew this storyline was coming up. But I can imagine a lot of people who have it on in the background were caught unawares.

Sallystyle · 07/10/2014 13:00

My 11, 13, and 15 year old have been watching it with me for a few years, but my 5 and 7 year olds are in bed by that time.

I think the scene was very well done and I am disgusted by Highways response.

It sparked a very long conversation with my boys about rape. We have spoke about it a lot before of course but they had questions and we had a very good conversation.

Damnautocorrect · 07/10/2014 13:02

I thought it was moving and very well done, whilst I wouldn't want to explain it to an under 10 I could see how it would be good to open a discussion with a slightly older child. Certainly about evidence collection, that you don't have to go to police to get that done, that it's not your fault if you don't 'fight'.
I think it got the bewilderment of after spot on. For me I couldn't comprehend what had happened let alone think of ringing the police, it all felt very familiar.

Sallystyle · 07/10/2014 13:04

Sorry Highway, I see you took your comments back.

Sazzle41 · 07/10/2014 13:12

Highway65 - women can freeze with shock & fear you know. I froze when suffering a minor physical assault in my own home, even tho the walls are paper thin & next door could have heard: i literally shut down. Also the position she was in implied to me that he was holding her arm up behind her back , incredibly painful & disabling: & she is built like a twig ..

I thnk the whole point is that Linda isnt as tough as her front suggests and rape is often by someone you know in an already toxic dynamic. Not calling out would be shock , only possibly not wanting resulting famliy melt down , IF you want to suggest that a woman in that situation is always lying there assessing risks/opportunities ...Also, not fighting back, playing dead(Or unconscious) can be a survival tool: fighting back can escalate depending on attacker's psyche & 'triggers'. His rape is partly an attack on older , maternal women like Shirley, who has abandoned him: again.

nbee84 · 07/10/2014 13:13

You never know how you'll react in a situation until you actually face it. If you saw your child go under the water in a swimming pool and struggle to resurface you'd presume that you would shout and scream for help. When it happened to my child I stood up, opened my mouth but couldn't get a sound out. I couldn't take a breath and felt like my heart had stopped. In those few seconds a lifeguard had turned around and spotted her and another parent had seen the terror on my face and saw what was happening and shouted out for me. To be raped, mugged or assaulted is something that hopefully will not happen to many of us but until it does you do NOT know how you will react.

Sazzle41 · 07/10/2014 13:14

And i wouldnt let under 10's watch it .. forgot to say. Too many adult themes.