To wonder if it's possible to raise a child with no support at all?

[blackberrypicking]

From extended family and so on.

Or is it a recipe for disaster?

I think plenty of people manage it? Without family, at least. Most people make friends as well, who cZn help out.

raising a child with no support and money, I imagine that it's possible. However, with no money? Changes things. Even just working becomes difficult. School holidays and illness, nightmare!

You will have support. It kind of appears gradually.
Just might not be family.

We don't have any family support. We seemed to have amassed support elsewhere though over the years. The first years of DS1 were quite lonely for me but I made an effort to be out with him and to make a social life for him and me.

And with DP working away lots - I have to say I value that support alot.

I have and had none whatsoever. Eldest DC is 8 so definitely possible

Thanks :)

It scares me if they're ill. And if something happens to me, and just I don't know really.

Of course it's possible to raise a child with just a parent/parents. People use childcare to work and sitters to go out.

No family support ? Of cause it's possible, lot's of people do it.

Yeah I do know that daisy, but say I got ill and needed to be admitted to hospital, what then?

What if child was ill and couldn't go to childcare?

Yes they're not insurmountable problems I'm sure but nonetheless it can be quite daunting, you know? And I read posts where people say they "couldn't have done it" without XYZ, it just scares me, sorry.

We have no one other than me and DH who works away for more than half of every month. It is not easy and when something goes wrong it is chaos! But it can be done, wearing at times not having anyone to share the load but obv you just have to get on with it.

I was told by a colleague that you can register with social services as a sole carer for a dependent & if you were to become unwell etc then they will support you until you are fit again.

We actually had the admitting to hospital bit recently, fortunately I managed to hold off until DH got home (good few hours journey time). I was panicking but he reckoned that the hospital would deal with a lone child - reckons they do it all the time.

Thanks, that's helpful

It really scared me when mine were small.
When I had to make my will I was beside myself at the thought that not only would they not have a mum if anything happened to me, but that they would be split up and DS would have to go and live with his father, who was a mean bully.

I decided the only course of action was not to die. And I made it, they are both nearly adults now.

But as for falling ill etc - it's hard. I have a condition where I black out if I vomit.
I trained DD very young that if I was to call her in the night she must just get out of bed straight away and stay with me til I had finished being sick.
She only had to do it a few times but never minded and I knew she would help if she could.

If you're ill, friends you will have made friends who will be more than happy to rally round. It can be hard work creating such friendships (well for me, as I'm not very friendly ), but worth it in the long run

If your DC is ill, you phone in sick, if work won't let you have time off/holiday.

I think it's when children are seriously ill for a long time, there may be a problem, but that's not particularly common.

Yeah but if I don't go to work I don't get paid. So then how do I pay nursery?

D'you see what I mean?

It's easy to say friends will step in but I'm not sure they necessarily could. I'm partly playing devils advocate here but it is daunting, very daunting.

My Mum lives near me now, but that's recent, and anyway she's not in great health. Before that I had no one around. I had my kids by anonymous sperm donation, so no father around. My Dad is many miles away and I see him rarely. My brother died when I was a teenager. My cousins live far away too and we're not close. All my grandparents are long dead, as are my aunt and uncle.

But I have lots of good friends, and I help them out whenever I can, so I know they would do the same for me.

So I would say yes it's possible without family support, but you need a good network of friends.

It is daunting.
But you get through it a day at a time.
Try to build some friendships and have other DCs round to play as often as you can so that you have some credit in the bank as it were.

I have still got 4 weeks annual leave to take between now & April 1st, purely for this reason.

I am saving it in case we desperately need it.

My other 2 weeks annual leave have been taken when the childminder was off.

It is very scary, my family are 400 miles away, I have no one to help ever, I was left here when I was 8 months pregnant ( after 10 years together )

Its totally possible to do, Ive started taking vitamins, Im going to get the flu jab, I try not to get run down & I make sure I have medication in the cupboards.

I was unwell last week, I had 2 days off sick, baby had to stay with me as I couldn't drive to childminders.

You find a way

I'm a single parent to DS and have no family left. Parents both gone, not siblings, and I don't really have any friends close enough to call on in an emergency. You just get on with it. I retrained quite a few years ago when I was planning on going down this route to be a teacher to make school holidays easier, and I've made contacts with a number of (paid) babysitters who I can use if I want to go out. There's really no point bemoaning what you don't have, just enjoy what you do have.

I'm raising two that way, no family at all, no friends, no one but me and my two dc. It's possible, difficult and frustrating and has driven me to tears several times from needing a break/needing someone to talk to/not knowing if I'm failing or what. But it's very possible, and I like to think that me and my two dc are closer and more loving for it

You need a support network. Make an effort to make friends, (if you are remotely religious then find a church you like- lots of lovely kind people and maybe some honorary grandparents). Join things where there are people of all ages. Cultivate reciprocal arrangements with other lone parents with similar age kids. Talk to people. Find a paid babysitter. Be friendly with your neighbours, and never miss an opportunity to do someone else a favour so you have one in the bank. If there is an emergency and you have to go to hospital then you either take them with you or trust that your friends will rally round.
But yes, there will still be days when you have to call in sick and still pay the nursery, (so you need an emergency fund or a job with sickpay and flexibility if you can find one) and even when you have a backup plan it won't always work, but you will survive.

I'm not moaning, I'm asking.

Are you totally alone, or have a dh?

Alone.

Both parents are dead.

No grandparents or siblings or aunts or uncles.

So it is a bit daunting. And I am wondering if it's fair on anybody including DC of course.

OP do you have a child already?